Matt Hoffman Returns To Break Down Big Brother 18 Cast

Corey Brooks

Corey is a baseball coach whose favorite activities include “taking bro pics” and who says he wants to be a good influence to the 13/14 year olds that make up his team…and what better way to cast yourself in the most positive light than to go on a show whose most newsworthy headlines in recent years were for racism, homophobia, and misogyny! As seems to be typical of his male interviews, Jeff (who definitely is not overcompensating for past homophobic criticisms) once again jumps right in by complimenting the good looks of the man he is interviewing.

Speaking of Jeff’s interviews, this is maybe the oddest one of them all. If you want to hear about Corey’s game strategy or his favorite past players or what he’ll do if he wins the half-million, you’ve come to the wrong place. But don’t go anywhere if you want to know how many days it takes Corey to grow tired of his favorite songs and if Corey can solve one of Jeff’s riddles about a carton of eggs.

Like a less-refined James Lipton of Inside the Actors Studio, Jeff has his own final question that he asks of each of the houseguests before they depart: “Would you rather win the game and be hated by America, or lose and be loved by America”. Corey, however, is the only contestant interviewed that said he’d rather lose and be loved. At first I thought, “awwww, what a good guy”…but then he went on to explain that it was because he thought he could make a lot more money once he got off the show. Ha! Sorry to burst your bubble, Corey, but that award-winning smile and gentlemanly charm isn’t going to get you any more money Periscoping to your social media fan base. You should’ve stuck with the “I’d rather be a rich a-hole” answer that everyone else gave.

Michelle Meyer

Michelle kind of won me over early on for two reasons…(1) She’s got live-feed watching super-fan status and (2) she snorts when she laughs. She describes herself as “quirky”, and whenever a girl does that it’s almost always a clear indicator that they are anything but. In this case, though, it may not be a far-off assessment. Here’s a direct transcription of probably my favorite segment of her interview… when Jeff asked her what her strategy would be, her response was:

“So, my strategy is actually, ya know, is this, is usually like super-fans are very, like, ummm, serious and not…ver,y like, awkward, I would say, and I’m not awkward, I don’t think”

Nope – not awkward at all, Michelle. Not one bit.

Paul Abrahamian

I know these write-ups of mine are full of fun and sarcasm here, but no joke (I went back and cross-referenced this), Paul is wearing more jewelry than all the rest of the interviewees combined. Let’s not get too hung up on that, though, because this is just one of a myriad of reasons to be irritated with him. Paul is the love-child of Adam Poch, Evel Dick, and every first-evicted houseguest ever.

He plugs his clothing company in the first sentence that comes out of his mouth. He can’t spell the word “eyes” (which we learn from another one of Jeff’s Pulitzer Prize winning questions that have nothing to do with the game). And in case you still weren’t convinced that Paul will be joining the “First Boot Club”, he tells us that he doesn’t care if he wins or loses because he just wants to “cause chaos and have fun”. Oh, you’ll be having plenty of fun, Paul…along with the rest of us, watching the season play out on your TV at home.

And there you have it. Another crop of soon-to-be Z-listers on the road to tens of thousands of Twitter/Instagram followers who will forget about them 18 months from now, unless they’re called back by a Big Brother website to write articles poking fun at future soon-to-be Z-listers. As any super-fan knows, 12 houseguests don’t fill a season, so I would also expect to see some familiar faces returning to the mix as well.

Thanks once again to Big Brother Network for the opportunity to extend my relevancy and hear from the adoring fans how I don’t know anything. If I did somehow win you over with my witty, sarcastic musings, please take a minute to follow me on Twitter @HeadOfHOFFhold for more fun throughout the season!