Big Brother 13 Episode 3: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Hey, Big Brother superfans! It’s Matt Hoffman from Season 12, here again to give you the run-down on Wednesday night’s episode! Let’s get into this…

We left off with Porsche and Keith being nominated by Brendon and Rachel. Keith begins his first week in the house playing as poorly as I did during my last week in the house. He’s insanely arrogant and way too convinced that his piss-poor “Regulators” alliance will have his back and save him. It’s becoming abundantly clear to me why I would’ve hated my character last season. Season 12 Matt = White Keith (I chose this over “Season 13 Keith = Black Matt” because for some reason it sounded less racist).

Upstairs, Brenchel tries to explain the rules of their deal to Porsche for like the seventh time. Even Rachel can’t understand how Porsche is still confused by their simple plan. Meanwhile in the Have-Not room, Keith continues dimwittedly celebrating his nomination by dancing around with Dominic. This entire scene is extremely distracting because Keith has some enormous grayish growth on his face. I can only assume he’s been branded with the SPoS (Silver Power of Suck).

The next afternoon, Dick is called into the Diary Room and never returns. Jeff says he’s worried because he “doesn’t see dick”, which is interesting given Jeff’s recent comments on the live feeds. CBS does a great job of telling us absolutely nothing, but (weekly shameless plug!) does a great job of telling us absolutely everything. Basically Dick had a personal emergency and had to leave the game permanently. Adam tells us in the diary room that he’s upset because he “really wanted to play with dick”. Do I even need to make a comment on this one?

With Dick out of the house, the veterans basically throw their hands up in the air and give up like the whiney, complaining, overly-entitled CBS brats that they are. Downstairs, the newbies plot how they are going to take advantage of being back in the game. Keith, in his infinite horniness, masquerades sexuality with strategy saying he’s excited to “make his move on Dani” and that he needs to “expose Porsche and Kalia”. Keith also continues to prove that he completely ignored my horrible gameplay last season as he brags in the diary room about being excited to throw the next competition. In my defense, it took me a good seven or eight weeks to lose my mind and start ruining my entire game, whereas Keith manages to suck a nut almost immediately upon entering the house.

Leading up to the veto competition, Brendon goes over the veterans’ strategy with the other returning houseguests. He says that it’s not rocket science, but if it were than he’d be good at that too. POCKET rocket science, maybe. (Skype Zing!) In the veto competition, both Porsche and Keith make no qualms about their intentions to throw the competition since they both feel that they’re safe. Oddly, Jeff and Jordan seem to have the same strategy of throwing the competition because they decide that Jordan should be the one solving the puzzle.

With one couple intentionally failing and another couple having the combined brain power of a retarded rhesus monkey, Brendon and Rachel win the Power of Veto by default. It turns out that while Keith has learned nothing from watching last season, Brendon and Rachel have learned nothing from BEING on last season. Once again Bookie and Boobsie let power get to their heads as they call each newbie duo up to the HoH room one-by-one and subsequently be a condescending, overbearing dick to them, telling them exactly who they need to vote for and how they need to play the game. This pretty much ensures that Brenchel will be the first veteran couple up on the block as soon as a newbie wins HoH, and I couldn’t be happier. Brenchel’s atrocious gameplay right now would be the equivalent of me returning to the game and trying to convince everyone that my wife is dying…for real this time.

After a slew of useless intimidation tactics, Brendon and Rachel decide not to use the Power of Veto, thereby keeping the nominations as-is. As the houseguests give their reactions to the veto ceremony, Dominic tells us “I don’t know what’ll happen, but I definitely know someone is getting evicted.” Really, Dominic? You figured that out all by yourself? Thanks for the update. These newbies are toast.

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on (@RTVZone).


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  1. I just dont get it?? I liked Keith in the beginning but now I think he is a few fries shy of a happy meal. It was even worse last night on BBSD, with Shelly (who I can relate to and adore) giving him a pep talk. Not to mention his way to hyper and excitedness. Now, just to hear him talk, drives me crazy.
    Porsche, I want her gone asap. She is a stuck up arrogant airhead. No one in the house likes her, except Rachel and that is only because they are drinking buddies. She is two faced and will turn on you in a heart beat. Beware Brenchel…you are digging your own grave with that one.

  2. Matt I gotta say I love your writting…..I will make sure to come back on fridays to see what you have written and thanks for putting it out there without trying to be politically correct!!!

  3. Dose anyone know how the vote will go tonight?Watching BBAD last night confused the heck out of me! I’m not sure who’s voting for who!!

  4. So glad I saw this, and I couldn’t agree more. Although, I do love Jeff and Jordan, they’re silly and quite adorable…no, I’m not being sarcastic. As for Brenchel, they’re fucking hilarious and great too. Anyway, looking forward to reading all your recaps!

  5. I feel like I should point out that it’s BRENDON who managed to learn nothing from last season except how to be even more annoying than he used to be. He’s the one that orchestrated that HoH thing (as he did last time), and he was the one trying to force deals on every one while Rachel sat back and watched. She complained about it afterwards (I.E., way too late).

  6. I have to ask, does Matt keep intentionally misspelling Porsche’s name as like an insult to her very limited intelligence? Other than that, HILARIOUS recap.

  7. Newbies should vote out Porsche. She is aligned with the Regulators, infact her nose is up the Red Hair Hyena’s butt. With the way Keith carries on, it will keep a bigger target on him if Regulators win HOH again tonite.

    • The Regulators are one half of the Newbies. The banded together in the event that their dous get put up. They include: Cassie, Dom, Keith and I’m pretty sure Lawon.

      I don’t remember what the Vet’s decided to call themselves. Anyone?

  8. I think its a great idea to keep “The Porsche” around because any one of them can easily knock her off (or up) after week 4!

  9. Hey Matt… I enjoyed watching you pick apart everyone last season, and wish you would have won… my question is, has anyone from the season forgiven you yet for the “wife’s gonna die” lie you ran with all season? I personally think they were all goobs for taking it so hard… it’s a game people!! SUCK IT!

  10. Ah, Matt’s sarcasm is refreshing. This season already looks like a total failure, and I would definitely not be surprised if a newbie won. Brenchel is going on the block very soon, and Jeff and Jordan are sort of useless. Danielle can’t do anything at this point, so it’s really just the newbies running the game now. Pathetic.

    • There is some truth to what you are saying; not a fan of Brendon and Rachel (never have been) and I think their behavior this week has definately placed a HUGE target on their backs. Jeff and Jordan, although I like them, are able to win competitions but they lack the strategic intellegence to play this kind of game. Danielle is very useless right now because even though she and Dick didn’t have a great father/daughter relationship, she needed him to carry her further in the game. The Newbies are pathetic because THEY HAVE THE NUMBERS TO KEEP THE POWER ON THEIR SIDE AND THEY HAVEN’T REALIZED IT! They’ve already started making deals with the Vets without thinking about numbers.

  11. One or the other have to go,Keith is really missing something i feel bad for him but he is a time bomb,he should go first, and the porch next week.

    • If Keith or Porsche go this week, you cant get rid of the other one next week, as one will have the golden key thingy or whatever that is :) Just to say :)

  12. Keith’s only purpose in the house is to see how many white women he can try to sleep with. His strategy combined with the idiot Dominic of The Regulators stems directly from the success of last years brigade with one major difference, likeable people. I see Keith, Dominic and Cassi all going home in very short order because if you listen to them it’s all about them. I see Danielle winning the whole thing right now because she has a brain and the rest are all twits.

    • I agree totally. Too bad ED had to leave..I was looking forward to his gameplay. Perhaps now someone else will have a chance to win because if he were still around he would rule the game, make all the decisions and win for a second time. Danielle seems to be the only repeat HG that can win.

  13. Love reading your post Matt. RIght on target, and I found myself snickering at all the sarcasm!

  14. Good job matt on the recap. I agree in the beginning keith seemed cool but now he does seem a couple cookies short of a cookie jar. idc which of them goes as of right now. I do want the newbies to win so the best bet is to keep keith bc he is out as soon as the golden key weeks are over, hopefully the newbies can at least use his votes but idk he really is just not stable.

  15. I have been watching since season1 and for the first time find myself confused.
    Why do the Vets seem to think they can give Porch girl the golden key?
    My math says they do not have enough votes to do anything.
    Can you explain that please?

    What is wrong with my thinking….

    Vets have: Dani, Jeff, Jordan, Brendon = 4 votes
    Newbies : Adam, Dom, Cassi, Shelly, Kalia, Lawson = 6

    The Newbies call all the shots on the vote Thursday.
    Keith or Porch lady – right ?

  16. porsche cant vote with the vets tonight only way it will be a tie is if 1 of the newbies turn on their allaince which makes them a target next week i have a feeling it will be porsche going home tonight

  17. The problem with the vets plan is that ed didn’t explain everything 2 porsche first,especially not let ur partner know. I hope the vets realize that dani my be voting w/them but is playing her dad’s social game. They think ed left but all he did is set dani up 4 a huge win. Wonder if they planned that. He quits, she gets 4 free weeks so she can play nice w/the other side & then have the jury votes this time. Sure sounds funny???

    • I don’t see how they could have planed it. They did not know about the golden key going in.. But who knows I still don’t believe that they have not spoken for 3 years.. It is possible that when BB told ED about his friend being ill he negotiated with them to give Dani the key. He did protect her through all of season 8 so it makes since that if he had to leave he would do all he could to help her… But I still think BB should have brought another vet in to partner with Dani so things would stay a little more even… I don’t think the vets have a chance without ED they are to far down in numbers and can not win all the HOH comps. Thursday will show how unfair it is. Rachael and dani can not compete not even sure if Brandon can that leaves only JJ to compete with all the newbies…. very unfair…

      • They couldn’t bring anyone else in, the game has already started. That’s part of the reason why ED can’t go back.

  18. Porche and Keith do not vote – they are on the block.
    I still see it 6 votes to 4 and Porche goes ?
    ( or Keith – but the Newbies call it – right ? )

    • Not sure look like the vets might have Kalia’s vote that would make it a tie with Rachael breaking the tie… Who knows we will have to wait..

  19. Matt, Love your style. Wish you were back in BB. Do you think Dick left on purpose to give Danni an advantage, 4 wks of no danger? Also I thought the HG found out 1 hr befoe and have that hour to pack and go off to BB. Well according to Dick’s video he found out the night before. Is it right he found out before the others?

    Matt, keep up the good work.

  20. Ok – I think the voting is becoming more clear.

    Looks like at least ONE Newbie ( Shelly ) will vote with the Vets to evict Keith. And of course the Tie will be done with Rachel, but if Kalia also jumps ship it won’t even be a tie-breaker and Keith will go.

    Seems simple now. Guess the feeds were confusing as the Vets seemed very confident – but that was before ED left.

  21. Matt ,do j make money by appearing and 12,and now 13 i think they make a living out of reality show.? as for goes is up in the air why is it this year is like it matters who goes or is it me?

    • Excuse me for typing to fast before anyway just wanted to Know if JJ makes money for coming bk? and by the way if Keith get the key he will only be there for 3 weeks enough time for people to really take him out, then it might be good for someone to be saved. Rachel likes porsha and it might just bk fire if she stays.

    • Yes, we have heard comments from the returning HGs that they were paid to come back this season. Production doesn’t like that being mentioned, so the feeds often cut away when it comes up.

  22. LOVED, LOVED, LOVED ALLL OF MATT’S COMMENTS! They were so on point! And for the record Matt – either way wouldn’t have sounded racist to me (and I’m black!! ROTF LMAO! Brenchel – driving me crazy! Keith – TIME TO GO!! Although Porsche’s dimwitted azz could leave, too. And why was Jeff the only “alum” that didn’t see the glass 1/2 empty??? Okay Danielle so you wanted to “earn” your way to the top 10! Really? Really?
    Anyhow….Thanks Matt!!

  23. Wait, is this the Matt that America hated? The one that played a lousy game calling out others for playing a lousy game? Isn’t this a little hypocritical?

    • Did you not even read this? He was saying throughout the article how horrible he played. It even starts right in the very first article…

  24. I can’t stand Matt and his recaps! he is so annoying, and NO his sacarsim is not funny! Since when does one of BB’s horrible player gets to give his insight on the game? lame move by this site!!

    • A lot of us do enjoy Matt Hoffman’s posts and YES, even his sarcasm. He was my favorite player last season which is exactly why I asked him to join us this season.

      If you so strongly object to his writings then I would recommend skipping over them. No one is forcing you to read his posts.

      • I was not a huge Matt fan but I have to say I really enjoy reading his insight on the game very entertaining… I am now a fan of Matt…
        Matt keep writing you put some laughter in my day love the sarcasm…

    • Dear Moonlight (or whomever you really are),

      I just can’t stress enough…. Get the heck out of here if you don’t like it. I really don’t understand why you would take the time to read it and then take the time to respond to it if you really can’t stand Matt! It makes absolutely no sense to me. I am sure you would play the game that way as well if you were chosen…… Oh wait…. You weren’t chosen! Probably for a good reason!

      There are a lot of us out here that LOVE Matt and his game play last season. Reading the recaps by him just make me love him more. I love the sarcastic, although very true, comments he has!

  25. I want to ask both Matt’s if they think Evil Dick will be back cause in the previews for this season they show him in quite a few clips.Just wounding what the two professionals thinks.

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