Big Brother 13 Episode 24: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Tonight’s Big Brother 13 tale begins with a black-and-white recap of Porsche announcing that she opened Producer’s Pandora’s Box and released a new twist on the house which both ensures the safety of Rachel/Jordan as well as removes any element of suspense from the remainder of this episode.

The new twist fulfills all of the requirements, as per the Big Brother Season 13 Manual:

ARTICLE 6, SECTION II – “TWISTS”
1. Every Twist must be convoluted enough that endless explanation through diary room sessions and household conversation is needed for a minimum of two full episodes.
2. Twists must directly benefit the veterans, but only in an indirect and implied manner. Twists must not, however, directly and explicitly specify veteran favor.
3. In the off-chance that the veterans are still incompetent enough to fail after Big Brother does everything willfully possible to skew the game in their favor, a new Twist may be implemented to arbitrarily resurrect evicted veterans from the pit of embarrassment that they are living in.
4. Any houseguest who is evicted for a second time after Big Brother has bent over backwards for two consecutive seasons and three evictions to save them will be contractually obligated by CBS to spend the rest of their lives married to Rachel from Seasons 12/13.

As the house disperses, Rachel heads to the backyard with Jordan to graciously celebrate and explain ad nauseum how this twist works and why they are a lock for safety. Jordan doesn’t seem to understand and continues to harbor Jeff’s sense of entitlement by complaining, “Why can’t I win HoH and get Pandora’s Box?”. Meanwhile, “senseless complaining” sweeps further through the house to Kalia who is in the bathroom whining to Porsche about the new twist. You know…the new twist that just guaranteed her safety this week and is completely over as of next week. Oh, and let’s not forget the free $5,000 she just won for doing absolutely nothing! This entire cast is a bunch of babies.

In other areas of the house, Shelly and Adam are discussing their inevitable demise. Shelly says something that has only been spoken previously by Porsche’s high school varsity football team – “Porsche opens the box, and unleashes the fury.” Then Shelly tries to make an impromptu “zing” by saying that Porsche “has more stuffing in her chest than in her head.” Alas, in thinking about that statement, it actually isn’t very derogatory and would’ve made more sense if Shelly would’ve said it the other way around. It’s becoming clearer now why the Diary Room has been needing to feed everyone lines this whole season.

Porsche ends up nominating Rachel and Jordan, which is completely inconsequential based on the twist that makes everything reliant on the veto win anyway. Jordan thinks it’s “kinda funny” how Rachel and her are the last veterans standing. That is funny, Jordan…funny like watching kittens getting tortured. Back in the downstairs bedroom Rachel rehashes the twist rules, Jordan rehashes the rules of Big Brother, and then amongst all the infinite wisdom clouding up the room, Rachel passes onto Jordan the mantra that she has used to get her through her entire relationship with Brendon – “There’s nothing we can do about the past, but we can change the future.”

Elsewhere in the house, Shelly is trying to mend fences with Jordan. Jordan apparently believes that you get executed upon eviction, because after a 14-hour crying fit following Jeff’s exit from the house, she still is holding a grudge with Shelly. Hey Jordan – remember during your last season when you laughed at Lydia and Natalie for crying after Jesse was evicted? Remember mocking them and saying, “it’s not like he died or anything!”? Remember that? Yeah…just saying.

Shelly’s initial effort to open the lines of communication with Jordan was an awkward and eerily haunting “Hello, Jordan”. Through her early-morning chain-smoked voice, it was quite reminiscent of the creepy doll in “Saw”, and it’s no wonder Jordan didn’t bite.

Big Brother 13 Shelly as Billy

Shelly vents her frustrations to Adam out on the back patio. She says that she has “gone against what everybody wants from America’s Sweetheart” (as if you were ever in contention in the first place, Shelly?). Adam is pleased that Shelly is trying to dig herself out of a hole because he says that people will forget about him and he can “slide through a little bit longer”. Spoken like a true loser, buddy! Can we just write him the $50,000 2nd-place check now and kick him out of the house to avoid any further humiliation? Finally, Shelly goes into a diatribe about her family and how the only alliance she has is with Tony and Josie. She even throws out a “nobody gets between me and MY family”, but it doesn’t quite pack a punch without the red hair extensions and tequila-stained bedazzled cocktail dress.

Later that day, Porsche pops out of the Diary Room and announces that it’s time for the veto competition in her standard awkward and uncomfortable delivery. Jordan says, “We walk outside, and I see a bunch of dummies.” Oh no! – They brought Brendon back again?! Well, kind of. A bunch of stuffed bodies hang from parachutes in the backyard, and they each have the face of an evicted duo member. Jordan tells us that “all the original duos are back…they just don’t talk or move”. In many cases, you wouldn’t even be able to tell the original from the dummy. In fact, a Lawon that doesn’t talk would be a better player than the real Lawon. There’s no way that the Lawon dummy would have pushed for his own eviction. So far, these hanging bodies are the biggest All-Stars this season has.

Porsche starts reading the rules in a way that leads me to believe her HoH CD was either “Hooked on Phonics” or the Rosetta Stone “English” edition:

PORSCHE: This competition is called “The Duo Do-Over”. Our original partners have parachuted into the Big Brother backyard to help us float through this veto competition…

ADAM: A floater competition?! YEEEEAH! Finally! THANK YOU, BIG BROTHER! You’re going home, Rachel!!!

PORSCHE: …Hop on to your previous partner’s back, and hold on for dear life. Because the last houseguest hanging on will win the Power of Veto!

ADAM: Endurance? Wha??? Goddamnit.

Oh my gosh! What will happen?! The suspense is killing me! Could Rachel possibly win a competition where she has to hang on Brendon the longest? I don’t know! I mean, she has been practicing for this every day for over a year now. But anything can happen in the Big Brother house!…

…”No Surprise #1” – Adam drops first. And right away. Shelly is disappointed and says that a grown man should last more than five minutes holding a dummy. I tend to agree, since I lasted eight weeks last summer carrying three dummies.

“No Surprise #2” – Jordan drops second. She says that she doesn’t deal with pain well in these physical challenges, and “it’s not Survivor”. Totally, Jordan – you just sit down and save it all up for those mental competitions that you excel in.

“No Surprise #3” – Kalia is disgusting. If anyone knows who I can write to in order to get the 60-seconds of my life back that I spent listening to a segment on Kalia farting, please pass it along to me. Oh, I’d also like my dinner back…it’s all over my shirt and mixed in with stomach bile.

Before we get to the culmination of this nail-biter, Shelly drops, then Porsche, leaving only Rachel and Kalia left to duke it out. Shelly points out that all hope of her survival in this game rests on Kalia hanging on. Well, Shelly – unless that dummy is stuffed with marshmallow fluff and hanging from licorice ropes, you may be out of luck. Which brings us to…

“No Surprise #4” – Rachel wins! After 58-seconds I could’ve told you the outcome, but after 58-minutes we get to see it through to fruition! Now that Rachel and Jordan are coming off the block, Shelly and Adam will be forced up as replacement nominees, keeping with the “zero suspense” theme that’s running through tonight’s episode.

After the competition, Kalia and Porsche go into the Storage Room to “talk game”. This is, far and away, the most strategic Kalia has spoken all season. Throughout pop culture, many heroes have had their vices to give them temporary bursts of strength and vigor. Popeye eats spinach. Towelie from “South Park” smokes marijuana. Pac Man eats power pellets. Much the same, in the Storage Room surrounded by limitless amounts of food, Kalia’s mind is clear and she’s ready to fight! Elsewhere in the house, we are forced to sit through an insufferably long make-up session between Shelly and Jordan. If I didn’t know any better I’d swear I was watching Lifetime or Oxygen or a Summer’s Eve commercial. Hormones, tears, and hugs are in full abundance, and I zone out.

That evening, in an effort to try and score some votes over Adam, Shelly tells Rachel and Jordan that she wants to stay in the game as long as possible, but only for the sole purpose of helping Rachel and Jordan make it to final two. Even as I type this out again, it sounds so unthinkably idiotic. I almost am convinced that I missed something, and I have this all wrong. Whether or not they are buying into this, the fact that Rachel and Jordan don’t openly laugh directly in Shelly’s face is astonishing to me. Shelly couldn’t possibly be serious, could she? I mean, she must be!…she’s a wife!…and a mother! WRONG! Shelly, the sanctimonious hypocrite, stomps right into the Diary Room and boasts about how there’s no way she’s really handing the money to Rachel and Jordan like that. Hey, Shelly – why don’t you try doing another one of those teary-eyed D.R. sessions where you spout off about how you can’t stand being around all these liars? There’s a straightjacket with your name on it waiting for you in Jury, honey.

Even though the outcome of the veto ceremony is basically pre-determined, Shelly and Adam dressed to impress on this special day…Shelly in her camouflage man-shorts, and Adam in his finest quirky bacon-phrase t-shirt. As you all should have known as soon as you watched Sunday night’s episode and heard about Pandora’s Box, Rachel and Jordan are safe this week, and Shelly and Adam are put up on the block. As a nice “kicker” to end this night’s snooze-fest, Adam delivers the funniest line of the evening – “The gloves are on…let’s FIGHT!” (what?…oh, that wasn’t supposed to be funny?…nevermind).

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by www.TheGremlinCave.com. Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on www.RTVZone.com (@RTVZone).

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254 Comments

    • Agreed, Matts insights & game run downs are hillarious. Quick get Kalia something to eat b4 she goes into diabetic shock.

      • The Pandora’s box twist did not have to go in favor of JR. Porsch had a choice, she is a smart girl and should have known not to take the deal.

      • ‘Porsch had a choice, she is a smart girl ‘ — if porkche is smart, then Jordan must be..Einstein? come’on. porkche doesn’t even know where her SHOULDER is! LOL.

        Love ShellHE’s picture on this post

      • Are you really sure she had a choice? I think it was all production’s choice !!! Phony as a 3 dollar bill!

      • Porsch is far from a smart girl. so much so that like a moth to a flame, she went with her base instincts and opened that box. She is far too stupid to have run down the consequences in her tiny head. Maybe if her brain was in her ass, she may have but not now.

      • Porsche is a “smart girl”?? Seriously Katie? Wow. You must have an EXTREMELY high tolerance stupidity…I wish i did.

      • Everyone opens Pandora’s Box. Brendon did just last year. No one knows what is going to be in it. I heard on live feeds last night that even Rachel would have opened it. Don’t blame Porche.

    • Matt that was so wrong but so right.You are tooooooooooooooooo funny. Will read again later and laugh again.

    • Yes, as much as I would like to see Rachel or Jordon win this game, Production needs to stop messing with the show, and let it run it’s natural course. It’s just SO blatantly slanted. Production should do a better job of picking people before the season starts, rather than fixing it along the way. I mean I cannot stand Kalia (sleeping and eating 95% of the time).Porche clearly bought her g.e.d., and shelly is a tranny, That is insulting and degrading to trannies the world over. Amam-this guy is a complete loser who should have stayed fat, he would probably have been way more interesting, he sucks as an overweight guy. Bring back obese Adam.

      • …according to Dani, (who think waaay tooo much of herself), everyone on the production staff was gonna leave when she got voted out, cause they all loved her so much. LOL

      • @shellysucks1: did she really say that or are you joking? Although based on how fugly Dani has been acting this season, I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually said that.

      • Yes Dani has a chip on her shoulder because she has to compete with the awesome long shadow of her dad the Gr8 EvelDick. Of course she fails miserably, and looks like a complete ass. Dani be yourself, I am sure you are normally a bitch anyhoo.Bring Dick back next season.

      • @Matt(BBN): WOW. okay, thanks.
        @jennyJ: Did you see fuglyDani’s face when the zingbot zinged her (about riding her dad’s coat tail)? priceless!!!

    • Porsch = dumb as a post
      Kalia = too busy eating & sleeping to take notice of the game.
      Adam = Too used to being a sloth to actually be any kind of a threat in this game other than sliding all the way to the end. ( a true biggest loser)
      Rachel = gr8 competitor, we need more Rachels.
      Jordon = winner because she is so sweeeet and honest you have to give it to her.

      • No one has played the game with as much class as Jordan. Win or loose,she is a top notch individual in my book.

      • Porsche = Great in comps.
        Kalia = Well…
        Adam = You’ve absolutely got it right.
        Rachel&Jordan = Babies when things don’t go their way.
        I’ve never ONCE seen Porsche cry when she lost.

      • @CPlessis, Don’t you remember the first week when Rachel told Porche she was putting her up but she was safe Porche was crying like a big baby.

      • I remember.
        Okay, so maybe I was wrong about the “once” part.
        I’d hate to be in danger in week 1…
        Being the first out is kind of embarrasing, and there was no guarantee that the vets had the votes to keep her.
        And anyway, she didn’t throw a hissy fit when Jeff won HoH…
        We maybe got an “ugh” but no tears for weeks on end.
        Which is what the other’s have done throughout the whole game.

  1. Matt, you couldn’t be more right with article 6 lol. I’m glad I’m not the only one who realizes how fabricated big brother really is. If big brother would just let the show run its course, it would be alot more entertaining. Thank you for posting this and hopefully big brother will keep this in mind for next year :)

    • I think it would’ve been boring without BB’s interference. As soon as all the vets were evicted, all CBS can show are cowlista/porkche sleeping, and Adam chasing his own tail (for lack of anything else to do).

    • @A Real Reviewer I agree with you and Matt about BB’s interference.

      @TheWitchIsDead I’ve said it many times Kalia is not the only one who eats. Rachel has done just as much eating as Kalia. Don’t know if you have live feeds, but she does. This is Porche and Kalia’s first season. During both Jordan and Rachel’s first season they both gained a lot of weight. Jordan even said to Jeff she at least did not get fat this season as in her previous one. Rachel told Adam she lost twenty pounds before she came back. I just don’t understand all the personal attacks of people in the house.

  2. Matt no one forced Porsche to open it. She was greedy. And of course it is fixed when things don’t go your way. Yes, they try to influence, but they don’t force anything. Of course these idiots are probably easily influenced.3 vets went to the jury. That really shows they love the vets

    • True, but the veto competition was very much tailored to Rachel (it was basically a rehash of the first HoH competition Rachel won, and they never usually do endurance vetos). Also, I felt that the way duos were selected was ridiculous. Porsche should have at least gotten the chance to choose the duos, as HoH, or they could have done it by random draw. Adam and Shelly were basically forced together, but what if Shelly had pushed to be with Jordan? Then the vets would be split up and one would be on the block no matter what. A random draw might also have been interesting because a vet may have been partnered up with Porsche and guaranteed safety while the other would have to fight for her life. Either way would have been less contrived than what we saw this week.

      • Absolutely correct. Production wanted Rachael to win, so why not have a comp that she has won before. Just give her the check and cancel the rest of the season. This season sucks.

      • They used the same exact rules for the duos. At beginning of the game the newbies got to pick their own partners.

    • Sure, like production is going to go out of their way to create something like Pandora’s Box only to NOT have it opened! You need to get a grip. The DR as stated by Matt is where these “reality” players get their lines, their instructions, and basically their script for the next few hours of filming. There is no way Pandora’s Box will ever NOT be opened. I don’t care how many seasons they use it, the HOH will always open the box. The sad thing is that the true and correct choice if she really wanted to win this game was not to open the box. Once again production has found a way to help Rachael win Big Brother. I wish they would just give her the check and let us get to Survivor. This is by far the worst BB ever!

      • Exactly, this BB is only there to get us through the re-run summer and to the real show of Survivor.

        Do you think this staged show would make it if there was something else to watch. It was doomed from the start this year once they announced the couples twist and vets. It was a clear message that they were crowning a vet this year.

      • This SHOULD’VE been the first time someone didn’t open it. I still can’t believe Porsche went ahead and opened it without a little more consideration. The stars were aligned in her favor, and she went for it anyway. Really dumb move.

        If I were ever on the show, there would be NO WAY in hell I’d open that crap! Unless they want to explicitly hand me $500k and let me go home for opening it…the box STAYS SHUT. I’d just keep the image of Natalie being stuck in the HoH room, pleading to for someone to look for the key to unlock her, while having to watch everyone in the yard go around scooping up cash. Again…NOTHING (short of the ultimate prize) is worth opening that stupid box.

      • @Saboteur
        A) You were on the show. ;)
        B) Production probably badgers people into opening it
        C) You’re not going to think “OH, maybe it’s going to change the whole game, and waste my HoH like it did Kalia’s”
        D) That was Kevin, not Natalie
        E) Being stuck in a box is nothing compared to a wasted HoH.

      • @CP
        A. LOL…I wish!
        B. Think they can make it as incredibly tempting as possible, but doubt any actual badgering takes place.
        C. Yes, I would definitely think that. Gotta stay focused on the big picture.
        D. Ah yeah, you’re absolutely right. Now I remember, Kevin had to stick his hand in that box to “release $10k”. Natalie’s was time with her boyfriend, and unleashing those annoyances on the house. Good call.
        E. Right again, but I stand by not taking any chances when you’re in the sweet situation Porsche found herself in. Not worth it no matter what.

      • You’re impressive! (not sarcasm by the way) If you seriously wouldn’t open it, that is.
        I certainly wouldn’t think of it changing the game to such an extent…
        I’d say “Well, I get $10,000.. So, that’s good… what does the rest of the house get?” And I’ll walk right on in. ;)
        I’ll admit to being wrong about “wasted HoH” though, because at this point, no HoH is wasted…

      • @CP It’s my competitive nature. I’m not going to lie and say that I wouldn’t be on the show to win the half a million $, but the competitive side of me would put monetary benefit 2nd to winning. Just like most people, I could definitely use the money (even the $5k), but I know for a fact that THE most important thing would be winning…period (money & prizes would be some nice icing on the cake though HA!!).

        Really wish they’d come up with a cast more like that though. Hard for me to relate to most of the HG in the past few seasons. Most seem so focused on personal hangups that they let a bunch of immature crap trip them up from actually having a chance to win the whole thing. Personally, I think it’s more entertaining to watch people who love to compete go out and give it their all, not “throw” competitions (half the time claimed because the really couldn’t win anyway). BB should definitely come up with some sort of penalty for the bottom few players in each comp to discourage players from relying on the floater strat. It’s pretty pathetic imho.

    • Judas is the reason that three vets are on the Jury. Judas ruined this season. They never would have brought her back if they knew Dick was gonna leave. Once Dick wasn’t there to tell Judas what to do, it was over. GO BIG RED! WIN IT FOR BOOKIE!

      • Rachel did’nt win her season! Jordan was the one they practically handed the cheque to! Matt never said they are handed their lines for the next few hours but thanks for trying to set up Matt Hoffman for a nice hefty lawsuit GOOF!

      • How did vets going to the jury ruin anything. I guess knowing the outcome every week is excitement to you. Why don’t you just watch the same movie over and over. This show is supposed to have a surprise to it, or at least they try to act that way. But, this season hasn’t had that from the beginning. The newbies were just supposed to be chum for the vets to chew on. This season sucked because of the stupid twists. Right from the start. Let’s end this season already.

      • Why are all of you jordan and rachel haters such whiners? If BB was fixed, do you really think they would have gotten jeff and dani out on the same night!!!!!!!!!!??????? Hell no!!!!!!!. The show is barely interesting without them(well jeff, dani was a drag) lucky we stll have rachel and jordan to cheer on! Otherwise this season would be whomp whomp whoommmpppp. Anyhow, as I’ve stated it before, if it were so fixed for the vets to win, then why were rachel and brendon the only one NOT picked to play in the cornhole veto, knowing brendon would be backdoored? Or jordan being the only one NOT picked in the veto where jeff went home? Cmon now come up off it and stop being such poor sports…dani was the one with all of the friends on production, so shed be the odds on favorite to win, if production played such a huge role in it.

      • @falconut I totally agree with you. @vet fan I am not saying you, but I have seen a lot of fans say it has been fixed when it worked in the newbie or Dani’s favor. It works both ways. I just think if Rachel were such a strong player she should have plowed through these newbies. You have to admit that bringing Brendon back certainly helped her. She was a basket case because Brendon was gone for a week. Even Jeff and Jordan were sick of her. I basically just think the whole concept of this season was wrong from the beginning. I would have much rather seen all these vets play against other vets and make it fair. Then you clearly could have the best person of the vets win. Even if Rachel and Jordan win which I expect them to they have had prior experience with the game. They should have won and with this cast of newbies I wouldn’t even consider it bragging rights. IMO.

      • hey vet fan, what are you talking about? sounds like the ones who like J&R, J&J are the whiners, and the bad talkers, making fun of everyone else, you all are rude! and blackgirl that was un-called for. whats your hang-up?

  3. Matt no one forced Porsche to open it. She was greedy. And of course it is fixed when things don’t go your way. Yes, they try to influence, but they don’t force anything. Of course these people are probably easily influenced.3 vets went to the jury. That really shows they love the vets

    • Sure, if that’s what you want to believe. Like Production is going to go to the trouble of creating Pandora’s Box to NOT have it used. You need to realize this is far from “reality” show. It is very much scripted.

    • Mkay, lemme say this; Matt has said multiple times, elsewhere, that he is “team Rachel” … So him making the claim on the fixing, is legitimate.

      Also, name ONE PERSON who REFUSED to open Pandora’s box.
      And NAME ONE SITUATION where Pandora’s box has affected the game this drastically.
      Matt’s DPOV doesn’t even count, because he was a houseguest that the viewers disliked, and I have a feeling that it would have gone to whoever won that HoH.

      • @ cplessis i cannot believe you had the nerve to try and make your oh so valid point and then say matts didnt count lmao……LAME! You dont get to just ddcide what doesnt count and still expect to have a valid point!

      • @vet fan
        It’s because he was HATED BY THE VIEWERS. And he was HoH, so it was good for him… And the Saboteur came back, which was bad for the rest of the house.
        This one is good for Rachel and Jordan, Bad for Shelly and Adam, Good and bad for Kalia and Porsche…
        It should have been good or bad for Porsche, and the opposite for the rest of the house..

        That being said…
        Name another situation where it COMPLETELY changed the game and wasted an HoH?

      • @ cplessis…..no matter what you say your point is not valid, you do not get disclude matts dpov because you feel like it, it doesn’t work that way…point A……point B…no matter what Porsche got a blessing and she got a curse, it could have worked out beautiully for shelly and adam or porsche and kalia had they stepped up and won, but THEY DID NOT. If the twist hadn’t happened, rachel won POV and adam or shelly go on the block regarrdless…so it doesn’t matter how the results of the twist turned out, it was a CURSE TO PORSCHE because she got A BLESSING, it would have been horrible for rachel and jordan, had rachel not won the veto…but they stepped up and rachel killed it, period…that is the point your missing, the initial twist could have worked in anyones favor, it all depended on who wanted the win the most…and that was rachel. And spare me on the “comp was set up for rachel to in” because the hoh where jeff went home was questions…was that set up for kalia? Kalia stayed on the skis(endurance comp) until second place…. soo what’s to say she couldn’t win this one? No matter what you say, there could have been a million differnt ways it could have went…BUT RACHEL WON, PERIOD!

      • It’s not because I feel like it; It’s because people didn’t like Matt, and everyone loves Jordan.
        Yes, it could have worked in Shelly/Adam’s favour, but since when do Shelly/Adam win competitions?
        The fact of the matter is, that without the twist, Jordan would have most likely been gone, and production needed to save her.

      • Cp- your whole point is based on what you feel and what if’s…so. please stop calling them facts…like I said earlier, your bending the situation every which way you can, to make it fit your point. Adam is playing this game out with jordan and rachel…kalia and porsche wan shelly gone bad…so even if there was no twist, rachel wins veto, porsche replaces with shelly, rachel and adam vote out shelly, jordan lives to fight another week. Incase you weren’t watching…porsche was writing out her F3 plans on the. Bathroom wall with bubbles, they included herself, adam and jordan. Why? Do you ask? Because she is cocky and thinks she will have NO PROBLEMS beating jordan and adam in F3 comp. So as I stated before, your point has no validity because you base it off could haves should haves would haves and what ifs.

  4. I loved it… well, most of it. Despite not being a fan of Kalia, I still think the “fat jokes” were a bit much…. :(

    • Oh, did I call Kalia fat? Because I don’t remember doing that. For the BILLIONTH time, I HAVE YET TO MAKE A KALIA “FAT” JOKE ALL SEASON. Making jokes about someone eating all the time (which I do) and making fun of someone being fat (which I don’t do) are two TOTALLY different things. I eat insane amounts of $hitty food constantly, but I don’t think I’m fat. Similarly, Kalia is CONSTANTLY eating every time we see her, and THAT is where my jokes stem from. Although she’s the biggest in the house this season, I believe she’s a very average-sized woman, and I would never make fun of her weight. But I WILL continue to make fun of her shoveling food down her throat like it’s going out of style.

    • And You should Matt. This girl is constantly shoving food into her mouth (and she eats it like a cow also) look at that girl chew. She makes me sick when I watch. Good thing though, she is like a diet for me, keeps me from wanting to eat.

      • Wow, you’re a disgusting human being. Way to be rude and cruel to someone who has done nothing to you… Real mature :)

      • Thank you. Someone finally acknowledges that the manners of these “she shovels” are disgusting! If you do not realize production is manipulating the game then you are off in Jordan’s lah lah land. It has been clear from the beginning that comps were in-line with the strengths of whoever ” needed to win” that week. That being said, the individuals who are there are somewhat repsonsible for their own physical and mental ability. The veto comp was designed toward Rachel’s endurance, but she could have accidentally slipped or one of the losers could have actually won. The production interference annoys me, but at some point players need to be repsonsible for their performance. Whether anyone realizes it yet, Shelly can not be trusted. Anyone who keeps her and her lying self, deserves to get voted out. Hopefully, Rachel is doing the same thing she did to Danielle. Let her get a false sense of safety and then wave bye, bye as she goes to the open arms of Brendon and Jeff. Last thought, Matt I do not always agree with your comments, but I always laugh out loud. You have added so much to this year’s experience. Thanks!!

  5. Matt, I always enjoy your review after each episode. Hope you’ll be back next year. It would have been a lot easier to have been a fan of yours last year if you had kept your hand out of your pj bottoms. If you were reviewing yourself, how would you have written about that?

    • I never liked Matt (as a BB HG, mind you)and his season; the only season where I stopped watching after about 5 episodes. Zzzzz. However, I find his article funny. Especially about cowlia and shellHe’s picture… now that IS creepy.

      Even on this season, I skipped the episodes where D/K/P were in control. Annoying.

  6. Matt, I find your humor all not so funny. This season has at least been somewhat entertaining as opposed to your season. You of all people should not talk about “stupid” play. You may have been one of the most “stupid” players in it’s history…and you always acted as if you were some mastermind, while America laughed at your moronic ignorance.

    Just sayin…

    • I agree with Matt’s season being boring. I can’t even remember what Matt did during his season because a) I found his DR sessions annoying b) his season was almost un-watchable. just saying. His article is still pretty funny though. Just read it as if he’s just another BB fan, not somebody who’s played it and sucked at it. You’ll appreciate the article (and the humor) that way :)

    • LOL … Gotta love opinions.
      Seriously though, saying last season sucks, is just that; an opinion.
      I didn’t laugh at his “moronic ignorance” because it was non-existent.
      He also admitted that the “Diabolical Super Genius” line is not something he would ever say in his real life.

      And, if you don’t like the article … Don’t read it. It’s seriously IS that easy! :o

  7. Finally I waited all morning for this way better then that episode of that show that I can’t remember the name of. I guess I should not complain though I have not had to pay for sleep aids all summer long I have showtime 2! Thanks Matt another awesome recap.

  8. So matt…are you talking of the same type of advantage that you got? Even your a cry baby when this stuff happens! Lol

  9. Thanks again for a funny article. I am so glad I am the only one home when I read them. I would surely get strange looks from my family and the laughing I do when reading.
    My only complaint with this is that you just HAD to bring up Kalia’s farting. I had somehow managed to erase that from my memory. Thanks alot for ruining my cheese toast I just made.

  10. Matt, you hit the nail right on the head. it couldn’t have been any more predictable from BB. I totally agree with you and ” a real viewer “

  11. Matt, I guess you must be estatic that you will lose the BB title of “biggest lier” to Shelly after this season.

  12. I’m confused as to why there are more people against this blog than are for it..What did he say that makes u guys anti Matt today?? In this blog he left no HG unscathed..He made remarks about all of em..What amI missing??? I thought it was a good article but did not find it that funny.. hmmmm hmmm to each his own..

  13. I hope that next year they just have all new players, no return players, and for once we can watch the game unfold naturally. You played once, let someone else have a turn.

    Between all the players who have never seen the show before and all the return players, you would think nobody is trying out for this show. However I am positive hundreds of people try to get on the show. Yet this year we have several “models” here only for air time to advance their career, and rerun players. Just sad.

  14. OMG Matt,
    ur line (“No Surprise #3” – Kalia is disgusting. If anyone knows who I can write to in order to get the 60-seconds of my life back that I spent listening to a segment on Kalia farting, please pass it along to me. Oh, I’d also like my dinner back…it’s all over my shirt and mixed in with stomach bile.) made me laugh with all my heart that i had even tears running like a river LOL
    looooooooooved ur input

      • oh oh sorry for u
        and u know what was funnier? her denying it happening in the DR then the look on her face, she looked like a kid who didn’t know how to get out of it properly LOL

  15. Awesome commentary Matt, you hit it right on the head. BB should have the game plan for the season in writing, so that they cannot change course when they deem fit.
    I agree that they should just give Adam the 2nd place money because who would not want to take him to F2 for a sure win.

  16. Is it just me or do the “endurance” competitions on this season suck??? I remember previous seasons people would hold on for HOURS not minutes… The first person wouldn’t even drop for close to an hour….now we have people droppin after 5 minutes?! And the whole thing lasts an hour? Ridiculous!

    • I know what you mean…
      Endurance competitons are bogus.
      Like the “Pressure Cooker” one in Season 6, (better known as the one Kaysar threw, instantly after coming back in, only to get himself evicted AGAIN) bring stuff like that back! It litterally lasted all night. 14 hours I think to be exact.

    • Ditto… funny how Kalia won’t own up to it, in the DR her comment was something like, “I don’t fart”….really, does anyone know anybody who doesn’t?

    • I promise if that had been me up there farting for America to hear, I would have been giggling so bad, I would have fell off. I dont care how natural it is, a fart is funny no matter who you are.

  17. BB is not the same without Dani

    But I really hope Kalia and Porshe make to the final 2.

    Or even Shelly…. i think shelly is a great game player, she has not shit like Jordan and Rachel does… she is not a floter like Adam.

    but I am sure CBS wants a Veteran and Newbie in the final 2.

    • D lost me on week 3 with dumb game move (was rooting for her prior to that)
      K lost me on week 5 with dumbest game move (wasn’t rooting for her anyway)
      S lost me with last weeks so called big game move (would totaly be rooting for her if:)

      1 Honest with viewers in DR
      2 She didn’t pull all the trying to keep D truth be told she needed D out for the same reasons she needed Jeff out (nothing to gain going against Jeff @ that time he had all the power wasn’t on the block)
      3 K wins HOH (no way to know that D would have done the same) Jeff on block S votes Jeff out
      3 S blames A for Jeff’s eviction (Jordan would have totaly believed her)

      Now that would have been a BIG game move.

      Just saying S made the same mistake Dani did she jumped the gun and it will cost her the game just as it did Dani.

  18. Dont have a problem with Kalia farting. That’s all Jordon talks about on the feeds, farting, her poop, and her period. I guess it’s gross when Kalia does it but cute when Jordon does it.

    • LOL!
      It’s the same concept with celebrating winning…
      It’s cute when Rachel and Jordan do it, but annoying when Porsche and Kalia do it.
      Ugh, leave the viewing up to the real fans.

  19. Matt, you never disappoint in your recaps! This season it has become abundantly clear that Big Brother is in control of who stays, who goes and who wins BB!

    • You are so right Kathleen. They made sure to have a comp that they new Rachael had a good chance of winning and they even had a back up plan in case she didn’t. There is a reason that the fortune teller box appeared at the odd time that it did and hasn’t been put into play yet. I’m willing to bet that if looks like Rachael or Jordan is on their way out it will suddnely come into play.

  20. Matt

    You are 100% correct. Loved your thoughts. It’s what everyone is thinking but mst of the Rachel/Jordan fans are too embarassed to admit it. Where did you get that page out of the BB manual? Cause I was sure that Kalia and Porche had eaten everything in the house. And as for Adam and Shelly, worst players EVER!

  21. Matt! Great job on the recap and hilarious as well. Another really great line last night was Rachel in DR when she said, “So…Porsche’s greedy butt opened up Pandora’s box….” I LOL’d at that one too. Peace and keep up the funny!

  22. Lmao. That was the funniest post you’ve had so far Matt. I was laughing the whole way through. And I’m sure not reading these but you were my favorite player last year. I respect players who make or at least contemplate big game moves and I felt you were one of the few doing that last year. You killed your game by nominating Kathy when you had diamond veto though lol.

  23. Hey Matt, I love your comments as usual, but i do have a problem with one…You are comparing Jordan crying over jeff, her boyfriend for over two years, to lydia and the others crying over jessie, who they barely knew. How do you really think that is a true comparison? You know you laughed hysterically when you saw them crying over jessie…I do not have any cats, so no i am not a cat lady, just a fan of jejo. Also, who do you feel would deserve the money more if it was between adam and jordan?

    • The comparison is that “Jordan apparently believes that you get executed upon eviction,”
      There’s no reason to cry when someone gets evicted, under any circumstances.
      Sure, be sad, or whatever.

  24. Love her or hate her but Shelly is an Allstar BB player. I haven’t seen the likes of her ever on BB. She doesnt win comps but she is awesome at f*cking with people’s head and that is playing BB GAME. IMO

    • All Star? Yeah right. And yes, she’s good at f*cking with people’s head, including hers! she can’t remember all the lies she said, she believes her own lies (I’m a straight shooter. I don’t lie. Psycho.), and she continues lying at the DR (to the viewers)! It’s only last night that she’s finally admitted to lying (even after crying her poor little stone heart that she can’t stand the liars in the house). um, okay. again, psycho.

  25. BB13 = the season that ALL production should get a pink slip. That includes Allison!

    BB needs to be re-vamped. Bringing on new HG should require them having to take a intelligent test!

    The newbee are downright idiots and the VETs act like they were ALL STARS. Which is so not the image they have created by their game plays.

    • Lol I do agree. All the newbies are just not here to play. Dom and Cassi showed potential but got out way early. The only vets they brought back that I thought deserved it from previous seasons were Dick, Dani, and Jordan. But Rachel has seriously shown what she can do this season. I was surprised because last year I thought she played terribly but this year she’s easily the best in the house. Next year I’m hoping to see all new contestants which will probably hold true because I doubt they’d bring people back two years in a row.

      • I agree that Dom and Cassie had potential to be good players. Could have been interesting if they stayed longer, but we do need to give the VETS credit for recognizing their potential and getting them out early.

      • I would love to see Jordan in a big brother game without Jeff. I’m not sure she would do so well without Jeff to hide behind most of the game.

  26. How is Shelly going to say that she is playing for her husband and daughter to Jordan, and that’s why she voted Jeff out … And then contradict that a little bit later by saying that she wants to stay to get Rachael and Jordan to the end? … Did anyone else notice that? If they even believe her, they deserve to a trip to the jury house.

  27. Matt BBN thank you for bringing Matt H in this year & he agreeing to write. I enjoy each article he writes. I wish we could rewind last season & Matt H atleast make it to final 3 over Enzo. Now that would of made season 12 worth watching at the end. Still dumbfounded how Enzo got there. Now back to Season 13. Let’s just let one of the vets win & start working on BB 14. Hopefully an entire cast of nothing but newbies!!

  28. Let’s just all be honest. We are still upset because Jeff is hot and now he’s out and we can’t watch him workout anymore.

      • “He had a very bad case of entitlement.” — No more worse than fugly Dani’s sense of entitlement. I just found out fugly said before that a lot of BB staff will quit if she gets evicted (see posts above). wow. top that. lol.

  29. Matt BBN thank you for bringing Matt H in this year & he agreeing to write. I enjoy each article he writes. I wish we could rewind last season & Matt H atleast make it to final 3 over Enzo. Now that would of made season 12 worth watching at the end. Still dumbfounded how Enzo got there. Now back to Season 13. Let’s just let one of the vets win & start working on BB 14. Hopefully an entire cast of nothing but newbies!! Thanks BBN. Great work on your part.

  30. Matt…AWESOME article!! It amazes me when people don’t understand sarcasm. You had me laughing to the point of tears today. Funny how some people think you’re being forthcoming about BB “fixing” the game to give a check to the vets instead of realizing you find enough humor in their paranoia to include it in your article. I think it’d be fun to see a BB reunion episode where the other guests get a chance to roast you…unfortunately, you’d probably have to write their material. Keep up the good work!

    • Sorry for the duplicate posts. I was on the Ipod APP. Not sure what happened. Matt BBN, could you delete them? Also, Matt BBN will Matt H be here next season?

  31. I still do not understand the tendency of both fans and BB houseguests to keep Jordan. Yea ok, she’s a nice person but (a) she’s already won and (b) she’s done nothing in this game; even her HoH win was handed to her. Jordan seems like a very sweet girl but she just sits there and makes people feel guilty about about playing the game because they might end up being mean to her. I remember the days of Dr. Will, Janelle and Evel Dick when lying and dealing was part of the game and people were praised for it… plus endurance comps lasted longer than 58 min. Now we’ve got people like Adam who slide through and poor Shelly’s family is getting death threats because she made Jordan cry. Its getting really hard to watch.

    On another note, I have an idea for next season. Instead of doing an All Stars season, bring back all the people from past season who were evicted first. I’d watch that.

    • I absolutely LOVE the first evictee’s idea. I’ve suggested that multible times and have been waiting for it ever since Brian was evicted, LOL!

      But I agree with you 100% … The show is kind of sickening now a days, and that’s because of the idiot troll “fans”
      I just wish Jeff and Jordan never existed, then the whole thing wouldn’t be such a load of crap, lol. (And of course by “never existed” I mean in the BB world, not in the real world.)

    • Maybe the remaining HG think that they have the best chance to win if sitting with J at the end. They would probably argue that she isn’t good at comps, does’t make game moves, and has already won the game.

      I can’t see KP really wanting to sit together in the final 2. I have no idea who would win it would be a toss up.

    • I’ve mulled over the idea of a “First Evictee” season for a while as well. Could be entertaining. My 2…unless they plan on bringing back Janelle at some point, at least only go back to people that have not made it to jury. If they wanted to throw in an extra season of BB winners ONLY, that would be cool too I guess. Just so long as that isn’t the only BB show of the year, but in addition to the normal season. That would be an interesting cast to be sure: Eddie, Lisa, Will, Jun, Drew, Maggie, Mike, Dick, Adam, Dan, Jordan, Hayden, and ? (Rachel maybe???). Who can honestly say they wouldn’t watch THAT??

  32. Hello out there, does anyone get the Live Feeds? if so I jst wanted 2 know what was going on n the house, Is K eating right nice? Is R/J still studying 4 2nite HOH comp? A workn out?,not sure what P would b during. …Thx n advance! :-)

      • Kalia is still sleeping, Porsche just got ready for the day, Rachel and Jordan studying…the others aren’t being shown right now, so I don’t know where they are. Time: 11:00 AM BBT

  33. Matt enjoy your take on each episode of BB. I’m kind of amazed that all the Jordan lovers realize that bc of her sweet, innocent and lovable ways she will win the 500,000 grand AGAIN! I for one think it’s so unfair for her to be on the show at the chance again. I like her don’t get me wrong, but she has really done nothing to deserve to win, she just looks cute and innocent and she floats along to the final 2. Newbies need to wake up, if either Rachel or Jordan gets to final 2 with a newbie, the newbie has no shot in hell, the jury will pick either Rachel or Jordan. This season is so predictable, not like other seasons when u had to figure things out.

    • Exactly.
      I said that from the beginning (regarding newbie being up against a vet and winning)
      But, regarding Jordan not deserving to come back… I disagree and say “NONE OF THEM DESERVED TO COME BACK” It’s not an all-stars, so, save them for an all-stars!
      I also hate how the options were limited… Brendon and Rachel? Jeff and Jordan? Come on. Why not Dan and Memphis? I’d be TEAM VETS if they were back, lol.
      Though I’ll happily admit that I was terribly excited when I found out ED would be coming back.

    • I’m sorry but if Jordan makes it to the end and is in the final two, then she does deserve to win the money. I have taken a lot of slack for this but if a stronger player didn’t take her out then that’s their mistake. If she floats all the way to final two again I would vote for her because she pulled of being the ultimate floater not once but twice!!

  34. Reading this blog was better than watching last nights episode. Thank you Matt, for making this season more tolerable for me.

  35. Shelly’s got to GO! She actually swore on her family’s life that she would make sure Rachel and Jordan were the final two if they let her in on the final three and then went into the DR and said just the opposite! Lie ok, if that is what it is going to take however NEVER swear on the life of a love one! Very tasteless GET SHELLY OUT OF THERE!

  36. Last night was pretty telling. Adam at less than 5 min holding on. They all did the banna thing first comp so they all had chances at it. But Jordan saying her arms hurt and she doesnt like pain. (who does) but she knows she doesnt have to win someone else will do it for her.Then she thinks she is the spokeswomen for her and Rachel. (comment on everyone know Rachel lies) is that because she believes those lies Shelly told. Rachel is to loyal to her. I dont think she is all that sweet. And quite lazy for my viewing pleasure.

  37. I don’t know whether this has already been addressed, but rather than take time to read through all the comments, I’ll just say it: Matt, Lydia and Natalie had JUST met Jesse in the BB house, and they were acting like they were sending their husband off to war with a written guarantee that he would be coming back in a box. They had not been in a committed relationship with him for two years. Big difference, Matt, BIG difference.

  38. Last season a lot of people complained that the season was so boring and that Big Brother should bring this guy back or that guy back- this season people are saying that bringing back the vets is unfair. WTF people !!

    • I am guilty of saying bringing people back is unfair… Especially when it’s half them, half newbies..
      But, never have I said last season was boring…
      Must be because I was a Brigade fan.

  39. What was with the white bandage all over Kalia’s arm after the comp??? How/What exactly did she do to it during that competition?

  40. Matt – I have no problem calling a spade a spade. Kalia is a fat, fast talking, face making, flat assed, fat hanging breasted lowlife slob. YES PEOPLE – SHE IS A FAT PIG.
    and Jordan, OMG Jordan – an empty headed bimbo. Her stupidity is being mistaken for “kindness”. That constant hair pulling, the word “wool” used for “well”, repeating the word “ummm” during the course of even a short sentence. “Wool, ummm, what was I saying – oh yeah, ummm”. It was a severe sickening injustice when Jordan won BB the last time and I can’t get over the fact that the moron thinks she should/could win again.
    Jesus God BB – cast some interesting intelligent people for a change.

    • The veterans were the only reason to watch this season….Go Jorchel.

      I don’t think that i would make fun of somebody for being fat….didn’t the author lose weight for the show, too? Now, I’ve read that she doesn’t wash her hands after using the bathroom – THAT is what freaks me out….

      • Hey Matt, I really enjoy your re-caps and agree on so many things! Jeff and Jordan’s sense of entitlement blows my mind! Kalia’s favorite room (storage) and her farting scenes rival her chewing and talking constantly!
        Jordan reading the scripted DR cards with her “lazy right eye”…..Shelly and her man-pants and man voice should ask Tony about a man lasting more then 5 minutes while hanging ing onto a dummy. Adam is delusional to think he has a fan, and we all see him throw the comps to keep his hands clean. Porsche’s reading skills make me wonder on what planet she was hired to read a commercial?? Thanks for all the good stuff, Matt, and can’t wait for next week!

    • @ brandy- I would imagine you are along the lines of a mixture of kalia and jordan then. For you to come here and feel so entitled to attack someones personal looks/charactor to that level, makes it obvious that your not very happy about yourself. Kalia is a very average sized woman and who cares if she has a flat ass not everyone is blessed. As far as jordan, did you not watch the luxury comp where Jordan guessed david hasselhoff, just from seeing binoculars and a bar soap? I can gurantee that never crossed your mind and even when she said it, you didn’t think it’d be right. Did you also fail to watch Jordan win the questions and endurance round of the final HOH in her season? So she must be made of something. You just sound very bitter.

      • @ Brandy- Why do you have to bring up your personal feelings about Kaila? What differs does it make that she is fat? I could see if you did not like her demeanor, but to attack the way she look is childish and 2nd grade. (Grow up!) I do not hear you talking about other houseguest shortcomings other than Kaila and Jordan. Every-one has short comings but it so nice of you to point out theirs. Leave Jesus God out of it!

      • @ Brandy- Why do you have to bring up your personal feelings about Kaila? What differs does it make that she is fat? I could see if you did not like her demeanor, but to attack the way she look is childish and 2nd grade. (Grow up!) I do not hear you talking about other house guest shortcomings other than Kaila and Jordan. Every-one has short comings but it so nice of you to point out theirs. Leave Jesus God out of it!

      • Oh for Pete sakes, given the odds, an untrained monkey could win these competitions – to relate their wins as any sign of the intelligence of these houseguests is a joke, particularly when it comes to simpleton Jordon. I wish ALL of them could learn how to speak proper English and realize (MR. JEFF) that cursing is the ultimate signal that one lacks true wit and must substitute filth as a mechanism to compensate – it’s SCARY.

      • you arent actually going to call jordan getting davil hasselhoff off a bar of soap smart… are you? she thought the show was called “baywash”. If that is winning smarts… then wow.

    • @Brandy,,I agree w/u J does not deserve 2 win 2 seasons. Someone who hasnt won b 4 should win. I would prefer 2 c R/A/S win. Yes, I said S bcuz if she is able 2 play J once again then she should Win, I know A hasnt won any HOH/POV comps but if he can make it 2 F2 then he should Win & of course R has been winning HOH/POV so if she can make it 2 F2 she should Win, P has stepped it up winning lately so if she wins good 4 her. I know I said a person that hasnt won she win this time, but Im not really feelin K(SORRY K-fans)

      • @ raspberry…well she won’t be able to, rachel and jordan are discussing now…they don’t trust her, they’re keeping Adam.

      • Jordan unselfishly bought a home for her mom & brother with her last winnings. She is not planning on living with them when she marries & will need a home of her own. Also, who are we to say who DESERVES to win.

    • Well Brandy yes it may be annoying to hear Jordan say “wool, ummm, what was I saying…” It’s no different than listening to Dani say ” Like like like like, what I mean like, totally, like, I swear on my like, life, like I mean like, I swear and like you probably like don’t believe me like……”

      • JustME, good response. I almost forgot how annoying Dani’s lack of grammar drove me crazy. Jordan doesn’t bother me nearly as much.

      • JustME, good response. I almost forgot how annoying
        Dani’s lack of grammar drove me crazy. Jordan doesn’t bother me nearly as much.

    • I love this constant complaining of lack of game play and interesting personalities. And you Hoffman, I watched your season and I hate to break it to you buddy, but you weren’t that awesome at game play, or that interesting. Actually your game was stupid and you struck me as a guy with way more self esteem than you rightfully should have had. What was that lame idea you had about a sick/dying wife or something gaining you sympathy??? Enough with the “it was so better when” crap. These geeks are as bad or good as any other bunch of geeks in the past. And the next bunch of geeks wil be about the same. Get on TV, lie your ass off, sell your soul, in the name of a game for $500,000 devalued dollars. Good luck, live on. Hope Shelley goes home. Good day.

  41. i still believe rach will win the money if she reaches the final two. it won’t matter who’s up against her. shelly should be gone tonight but i think it would be better for the rajo duel to keep shelly. they should be able to beat kalia-aka the grinch for hoh.shelly is all lied out and adam could be dangerous if he stays for the hoh. nows the time to bounce adam.everyone wants rach gone but it might be to late for newbies. this is an important eviction this week and hoh. hope its porsch and rach in final two. if its the grinch and porsch that would suck all time.oh well lets see what other twists and turns are ahead in the BB house.

    • unfortunately if Rachel makes final 2 she will not win there is no way any of the remaining girls will vote for her and the only way she has a hope of getting Jeff’s is to take any girl but Jordan to final 2. So at most the only votes she can get would be 2 maybe 3 if she evicted Jordan

  42. I agree that all the twists seem to be designed by the producers to help the vets. So I would be happy if anyone besides Rachel and Jordan win.

    • I agree with you Grace. This is the worst season of BB ever. I have been watching since S1 and the whole concept is not fair. Vets against the newbies, Golden Key, twists clearly favored for the vets. Even with who they have as newbies they still have 4 newbies until tonight. I am not even excited about tonight or the final as I already know they will have Rachel or Jordan win. Either way one gets $50,000 and the other $500,000. I don’t even consider that bragging rights since they have been given so many chances. If Rachel wins does she clearly consider this a victory. With her supposed great game play and her supposed great competitiveness she should have plowed through this season. If Jordan wins it will be by pure luck and possibly some more help by BB so they will be in the final two. Might as well have written the both of them or whoever they wanted to win from the beginning a check. Worst season ever IMO. I know the majority of people on this site do not agree. That is fine they have their opinions, I have mine.

      • i agree. i was really looking forward to an apology season for season 12… but here i got a season that makes s12 look like s7 all stars… if cbs was gonna skew it in someones favor, they should have hid it better. its so obvious at this point, that i dont even think jr fans can deny it.

  43. Wow i think most all the newbies were selected for the show because there are brain dead. The repeaters
    should have been gone 1st. I do agree with another comment made by some1. Jordan does not deserve to win. She is nice but DUMB and does not handle challanges very well. She rode Jeff to the finals when she won (and did not deserve then )I hope Kalia or Porche win . On;y ones ( Danille but shes gone) that guts and BRAINS enough to see only way to win was break-up the combos>

    • I’m sorry, but I must- please don’t call people brain dead if you have the grammar of a small child. Thank you!

    • i love how he likes to criticize everyone and call them all a bunch of babies, when he didnt even do that great in his season.. AND he had the diamond power of veto, which was such an advantage, and if hes so damn ‘GENIUS’ like he constantly says he is, then he should have won BB12!

      • Agree totally, not to mention the fact that he lied and said his wife was about to die from a rare form of cancer just to get sympathy votes.

      • I like Matt better as a reviewer than as a contestant on the show. He always points our a few things that are new, but nothing about him says: GENIUS! I would love to have Enzo do a review sometime! (Wasn’t Matt called The Gremlin, or something stupid like that?) Everybody lies, but Shelly seems to think that she didn’t and that is what bothers people. If a vet didn’t deserve to win, then they shouldn’t have had them on the show. CBS made that decision.

  44. Matt: Looooove your columns & look forward to reading your recap on Thurs & Fri more than watching the actual shows! I always know I’m going to get an HONEST summary that will also have me ROTFLMAO every time! Now Beth’s suggestion of bringing back the players who were the FIRST to be voted out of each season is STELLAR! It would be so interesting to see how much they’ve learned about how to play the game and we’d be pretty much guaranteed to have a season where everyone starts out on equal footing

  45. If Rach or Jordan win I will be a ex-big brother fan ( and will watch no more )I’m sick of all the tears when going is rough . And cockieness when going good.

    • @ jsmith and gail….no one will miss you. You will be 2 of very few that dont wan tf one of jordan to win

    • @ jsmith and gail….no one will miss you. You will be 2 of very few that dont wan tf one of jordan or rachel to win

      • Read other blogs vet fan…they are not the only two sick of the production manipulation. But keep on hating. This is the only blog I read (out of 5) that are whooping it up for those losers Rachel and Jordan.

      • i bet half the people watching this show dont want a vet to win. this season is a disgrace. im only watching for dicks show and matts blog.

  46. Matt I love you, but I don’t think Jordan was crying because Jeff left but for Shelly’s betrayal. Yes she is not as bright as let’s say you but she is sweet. Regardless thanks to Shelly I now find myself rooting for Rachel, someone I couldn’t stand.

  47. I enjoyed reading your recap and you crystalized my thoughts,

    I do find it funny how Jeff always refers to Jordan as “innocent” meaning childlike in my opinion which seems strange when you are romantically involved. BUT, she did think fairly quicly and drop the f-bomb when talking to Shelly. Maybe she’s playing the country girl really well.

    Shelly is not very bright, she is so obviosly saying what anyone wants hear. Do you think there is a chance that Rachel and Jordan could be foolish enough to beleive her b.s.?

    • Everyone says what they need to say to further their game. Don’t you think that Adam has been floating to whoever had the power that week to tell them he was on their side?

      • Adam drives me crazy. He has really done nothing and he could do nothing all the way to the final 2. I will be upset if Adam, Porsche, Shelly or Kalia win anything. I find them all annoying with no personality.

  48. Worst season every…Dani was the most excitment going. Rachel’s mouth is horried…Bring E Dic back. Pulling for New cast…Jeff and Jodon ok but really they have won enough…I rather see Shelly, Adam K or P win, If Rachel win’s I’m finished watching.

  49. Love Matt’s Blogs…Hilarious and right on about all the HG’s..
    Also love watching him on Evel Dick’s Show..
    Thanks Matt :-)

  50. I agree with most of Matt’s spot on accurate analysis of the show, the only thing I do not agree with is when he rips into Julie Chen. I like her, and I don’t think she dresses bad at all. I would love to have her sophisticated designer wardrobe, and awesome stylist!

  51. TEAM RACHEL!!!!! YEAHHHH ! SHE WAS ANNOYING LAST SEASON BUT SHE’S WAY BETTER THIS SEASON !!! HATERRSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • She was annoying last year – I agree. She’s toned it down a lot. I honestly respect her gameplay. Go Rachel!

      • how can you use the word respect & Rachel in the same sentence.? she is the biggest [I can’t think of a bad enought discription for her!!!!!!] witch on t.v.

  52. I didn’t think it was possible for any houseguest to make Rachel bearable, but Shelly has made that possible for me. I am so distracted by the fact that she looks like Charlize Theron’s character in “Monster” that it’s hard to focus on anything else.

    Just to clarify though, I don’t think Shelly was calling herself America’s Sweetheart. She was saying that America won’t be happy with what she did to their sweetheart’s (Jeff & Jordan). I think she said this isn’t what America wanted FOR their sweethearts! :)

      • Jenn, totally agree that Shelly looks like Charlize Theron’s character in “Monster” – noticed that from Day 1. Funny that Shelly’s favorite drink is called ‘Monster’ too – in fact, it is hilarious. Shelly has the appearance of a truck driver and the behaviour of a serial killer – scary stuff. Gives me nightmares wondering how scary it must be to work with her in real life.

  53. Very disappointed in Jordan’s behavior post-Jeff. She really thinks that since she won once she’s now entitled to win again. My goodness! Whatever did she do with all that half a million anyway?
    Adam is doing the right thing, flying under the radar and letting all the girls fight it out (per usual!).

    • she pruchased a house for her mom and disable brother, not herself. Don’t think anyone else in the house would do that

      • I don’t think the reason shelly is dislike because of anything she did to JJ, but because she’s a liar! She’s lied to everyone, even in the DR, she’s told so many lies she can’t remember them…she lies sometimes when there’s no reason to, other than she just likes to lie, that’s her makeup, she lies and lies, and lies

      • jordan has a mom????? wow man. thats unheard of. No one else in that house has a mom… wait…

        i hate when people use that as a “jordan should win”. she is playing the game as much as adam is.

      • What JOrdan did with the money should have absolutely nothing to do with whether she should win again. And to assume that noone else would have an equally sympathetic reason/cause to whch they would apply their winnings is very biased. It shouldn’t matter if the winner buys an expensive diamond or feed the hungry people across the world.

        – A house guest should win based on their mental and physical prowness as well as their ability to lie and manipulate others. It is somewhat unsavory, but that is the game. Let’s not sugar coat it. Let’s stop making it personal. They have to lie, tell big lies to win!

  54. Matt, sounds like someone is still bitter that the bragade outsmarted him. You shouldnt of started a gaymance with regan.

    • OMG! The gaymance with Regan! I forgot about that. wow. Regan was in love with Matt. Did anything ever happen with them? I thought Regan was funny.

  55. Matt you really think you are much smarter than you really are.remember we watched you lie and make stupid moves on your season.you and your (bro-mance) Jordan has won once and is still there so maybe she I s smarter than you.

  56. LOLOL. Just discovered this site! Whoever said Kalia looks like the grinch is so right! What i dislike about her are the really mean comments she makes about people in the diary room, with so much glee! If Shelly isn’t voted out tonight i’ll be so disappointed! My son says that if she wins BB he will never watch again.

  57. this guy is such a douche bag, even though this season sucks, it is far better than last season and Shelly was a way better manipulator than Matt ever was

  58. I was not a fan of Rach last year but I really want her to win this year. She deserves it more than anyone in that house!

  59. Hey furbymom … just found this site too! Awesome … really enjoy Matt’s thoughts and commentary, especially Article 6, Section 2, “Twists”. So, right on Grace and Gail! And let’s not forget the three have-nots chosen by the HOH a couple of weeks ago … no competition … gee, that would be Jeff choosing Danielle, Kalia, and Porsche … mmm … at that moment, and from my perspective, the subtle veteran favortism started oozing from BB. Yes, there have been some great seasons with Big Brother. I have been a fan since Season 2, however, if Jordan wins again or Rachelle, I am moving on from Big Brother …

  60. Does anyone know about the $10,000 between Porsche and Kalia? I didn’t know if it came out during the live feed.

  61. I think if shelly can manipulate jordan and rachel to keep her over adam then she deserves to win because that will clearly prove that those two are not thinking and i like them so if they go for shelly’s bs please she should win

  62. Shelly’s familys agony ends tonight. Time for her to go think about how she represented herself and hope everyone forgives her.

  63. I don’t think Pandora’s Box will vanish this week, but I can guarantee if Rachel or Jordan get HOH and open Pandora’s Box, it will be a reward for the house and not affect negatively on the Vets’ gameplay whatsoever.

  64. I still don’t get 2 of the endless bitchy comments regarding the vets. (Yes…ENDLESS! If you’re gonna post this is rigged, you hate the vets, everything is geared for them to win and you’ll never watch again, you’re now just spamming these boards).

    1. If Jordan doesn’t “deserve to win because she’s already won once” – then what the f do you think she doing there? Was she supposed to lose because you don’t think she’s entitled?

    2. Everything is “rigged” for Rachel to win – Uhhh, wasn’t Kalia the one who had the chance to evict her 87 times but she didn’t? Was Rachel supposed to evict herself? Rigged or not, if you keep the girl there she was bound to win at some point.

    • Rachel was never going to evict herself; she was fishing for attention. Jeff was kalias target in her hoh week, not rachel.

  65. Is it bad that I rather read this instead of actually watching the show? Instead of banging my head against something solid when watching it, I’m laughing at head off at how you write the episodes. Keep it up!

  66. I think that as far as floaters go jordon is the biggest however i do love her to death and she plays a great social game and that is just as big a part of the game as all the physical stuff
    i have to say racheal always drives me nuts but hands down she deserves to win this game she relly is the best player i hope she wons

  67. Matt,
    Let me just first say i was a fan of yours in the big brother. I always told my brother how i would love to play the game as a fucking evil genius. Great article loved and read every last word of it ahah. Thank you for pointing out what a joke our beloved BB show has become due to the ridiculous personalities of the cast.
    #bringmattbackforanotherseason

  68. Com’on…i have to say..i find it FISHY!..questions would have suited 3 out of 5 better…So we get physical. I never wanted to believe there was “real production manipulation” i dont see how i can Not believe it now…im truely dissapointed. This isnt the game we veiwers deserve.Oh and i dont like Rachel thats true..but this isnt sour grapes..this is just observation..at this point i hope everyone gets results solely on their efforts and game play…not CBS’s will!

  69. Shame on all of you who critize people on their look’s, weight etc. I think Kalia is a nice looking gal and she is not FAT!! She keeps herself up her hair always looks nice and I haven’t seen her blow up, swear or get out of line unlike Rachel, she is the witch! what a phoney with her red dyed hair extensions, lies and cries and pouts everytime things don’t go her way, but when they do she really flaunt’s it. and as for Jordan, I did like her. but why did they bring her back when she’s already won. It’s really dumb, you should only be on one time. have new people every year. I said right away the neebees are domed . when I saw R&B prance through the door I was just sick. I wish now I wouldn’t of watched. But now that I have suffered through all this I’m so praying that anyone but Jordan or Rachel win. I didn’t read any of what Matt had to say, because I really didn’t care. I couldn’t stand him lsat year after he told that horriable lie about his wife, that was the worst!!!! And as far as Kalia farting, I did’t think she was doing that I thought it was her tennis shoes rubbing against that rubber thing she was holding on,because everytime she tried to climb up on it that’s when it happened. and her eating!! she didn’t eat anymore than anyone else. at least she wasn’t blowing smoke in everyone’s face either, but give her a brake, SHE IS NOT UGLY OR FAT!!!! and because of all the rotten things you have all said about her I hope she wins!! and by the way I do not know her and I am white.

  70. While I do believe BB this year is staged toward the vets, and it is pretty stupid the year, I really don’t understand attacking Kaliah so much about her weight. It’s pretty childish and pathetic. I hope she never sees this stuff because crap like this is what really hurts people and causes suicides. You should be ashamed of yourself, nobody deserves to be ridiculed like that.

    • Thank you Amy, I guess there are a few more caring people out there. It’s just crazy & unnessarily to be so cruel and hurt-ful! I forgot now what her partner in the beginning was, but he was funny and I got a kick out of him too, wish he would of lasted a little longer because he was so funny.

  71. i think if evil dick didnt have to leave it would have been a good contest its to bad cause that guy doesnt give a shit and he knows how to stir up trouble big time .it was fun to sit back and watch what he would do .and then lol about it

  72. Kalia is going to feel like a fool once she view’s the show and realizes that the friendship she think she has with Jordan is one-sided. I don’t know why she puts Jordan on such a high-pedestal. And I don’t think Jordan is as sweet as she tries to come across. She could care less about Kalia….poor Kalia doesn’t even realize it. Talk about floaters, Jordan is the biggest floater in the game….she’s floated right behind Jeff and is now the monkey on Rachel’s back. And I would really like for Jordan and Jeff to explain why they feel entitled to win the game and no one else deserves too! Even though I don’t care for Rachel as a person, I have to admit…she has played her butt-off on this season and I would have no problems with her winning. I think she has emotional problems with her own self-esteem, and could definitely use the money to get some psychiatric help.

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