Big Brother 13 Episode 9: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

On tonight’s episode of Big Brother we get to see Daniele go from playing a stellar game and being in the best position in the house, to spazzing out and dropping down to the worst position. Amidst this freefall, she manages to kill Dominic’s game in the process. On the plus side, Dom finally loses his virginity as he is completely screwed by Daniele. Let’s see how it all goes down…

To recap, Daniele was sitting pretty, hovering between her veteran alliance and her alliance with Dominic on the newbie side. Dominic was put up on the block again, but was not in any imminent danger of being voted out, as long as he played by Brenchel’s rules and didn’t do anything stupid.

After the nominations, Adam and Dominic both tell us in the D.R. that they are the pawns this week. Adam tells Dominic that they still have a fighting chance because they make a good strong team with Adam being the “mental” and Dom being the “physical”. I’m not sure about the latter half of that equation, but Adam’s definitely spot-on about being mental.

Meanwhile, Daniele goes up to the HoH room to plant the seed in Brenchel’s head that they should backdoor Jeff/Jordan with the veto this week. Despite her selfish motives to salvage her alliance with Dominic, she makes some pretty valid points. After Dani leaves the HoH room, Brendon and Rachel convene to the bathtub to weigh their options.

BRENDON: If you rub my toe, you can see into the future. What does it tell you?

RACHEL: I see Daniele teaming up with Dominic and trying to fracture our alliance! We need to stop her!

BRENDON: The toe has spoken.

RACHEL: I love you, Bookie.

BRENDON: This water smells like tequila. Wait…did you salt the rim of the tub?

RACHEL: A giant margarita! Obvi!

After this whole repulsive sequence, I’m the one who needs a nice long bath. Once Brendon and Rachel lick each other dry, they bring Dominic up to the HoH room to tell him that he needs to throw the veto competition to ensure his safety. Dominic tosses logic and rationality to the wayside and happily complies.

Names get drawn for the veto from the bag of “Jeff & Jordan” chips, and the players selected this week are…JEFF & JORDAN! Rachel then needs to select a host for the competition:

RACHEL: [scanning the room] Ummmm…I’m going to pick…that new girl in the back!

PORSCHE: My name’s Porsche, and I’ve been here the whole time.

[collective looks of confusion from the rest of the houseguests]

Upstairs, Daniele goes up to once again hammer home the idea that Brenchel should backdoor Jeff and Jordan. This is becoming increasingly more suspicious, so Brenchel decides to have a talk with Jeff and Jordan in the HoH room. When Brendon and Rachel decide to put “being a trainwreck” on hold for a week, they actually manage to play a really smart game and dissect Dominic and Daniele’s entire alliance and strategy. In my opinion, if Brendon and Rachel continue to leave their craziness at the door and use their respective Physicist and Waitress Chemist brains, they have a solid shot at taking this $500,000.

This week’s veto competition kicks off with Lawon’s most annoying D.R. soundbyte to date (and that’s saying a lot):

LAWON: When I walk outside and see this big hairy lady, I’m like, “WHO is she-EE?!” “Who is THAT?!” “What is that layin’ in our BACK YARD?!” I’M FLAMBOYANT AND FUNNY! BAM! POW!

If Season 11’s Kevin and Season 9’s Parker had a very unfunny child, it would be Lawon.

This is another one of those recycled spelling competitions that we’ve been seeing over the past few years. Dominic stupidly brags about how he’s going to throw the competition. What’s with multiple people throwing veto competitions this year? Is there any reason at all to ever throw a veto competition? Especially when your ass is on the block?! Clearly we’ve all seen that I’m no master strategist, but this seems like “Big Brother 101” to me.

Jordan forgoes competing in favor of playing in bubbles, Rachel chokes on air, and the results are in:

Jordan – LITTLE
Adam – BACON

Brendon spells the exact same word that he won this competition with last year, and the powerhouse that is Brenchel continues to steamplow through the game.

Out by the poolside the next day, Dani carries on her mission to be as obvious as possible about her hidden agenda:

DANIELE: Jeff and Jordan are plotting an army against you.

RACHEL: You don’t think Dominic is going to try to get out me and Brendon?

DANIELE: Dominic? No – never! I mean, not that I would I know anything about Dominic because it’s not like I’m aligned with him or anything. But you should definitely save him. And you should definitely backdoor Jeff and Jordan. But this has nothing to do with me, and will only benefit you and Brendon.

RACHEL: Can you pass me the sunscreen?

DANIELE: Team Dominic!

At this point you may be thinking that Dominic’s worst move was throwing the veto competition…WRONG! Dominic’s worst move was actually believing that females have the ability to keep their yaps shut for more than 10 minutes. First he lets Daniele blab her way to his demise, and then he ices the proverbial cake by telling Shelly all about his plans to break up Jeff and Jordan. Shelly, of course, wastes no time at all scampering to tell Jordan who then waddles upstairs to tell Brenchel.

Just as my head is spinning from the idiocy that I am laying witness to in regards to Dani and Dom’s gameplay, a storm warning pops up on my screen from CBS’s weather service that reads the following:

If flash flooding conditions are encountered, be prepared to seek higher ground. If traveling, remember to turn around. Don’t drown.

Are we honestly living in a world where we need to read warnings telling ourselves not to drown? Thanks, CBS!

At this point I passed out for a few minutes because I forgot to breathe (no one warned me!), but when I woke up I saw Brendon telling Jeff all about Dani and Dominic’s plan. Not surprisingly, Brendon doesn’t use the veto so Dominic and Adam remain on the block. The gig’s up, Dom…game over!

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on (@RTVZone).


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