Big Brother 13 Episode 16: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Thursday night’s Big Brother was the equivalent of being in a hospice. You know what the end result is going to be, and you know that it’s going to be bad – but you still just sit there and wait out the inevitable. Julie Chen kicks things off as usual (rocking a sweet 90’s-era pants suit) with a recap of this week’s events. It’s not often that the Chenbot shows actual human emotion, but even she doesn’t waste any time pointing out how stupid Lawon is and laughing at him.

Back in the house, we see the aftermath of the veto nomination ceremony. Lawon couldn’t be more proud of himself (or more delusional, for that matter):

LAWON: If I do get voted out of the house, I have a 99% chance of coming back into the game with super powers.

Close. You actually have a 100% chance of not coming back into the game. And you best hope that whatever super power you receive gives you the ability to deflect a lifetime of personal ridicule. It’s only once every 10 seasons that a homosexual African American makes the type of colossal game blunder that you have, so you have quite a ride in store for you!

LAWON: So take note, America – Lawon made the boldest move that anyone could do in the Big Brother house.

Yet another statement that is completely correct, but for all the wrong reasons. It would be a “bold move” for me to put my hand down a garbage disposal and turn it on, but that doesn’t mean I should go brag about it to all of America. Lawon is so bad of a player that it’s actually awkward and uncomfortable to watch. Kalia tries to justify keeping Rachel in the house because she, too, drank the “whoever is evicted is definitely coming back” Kool-Aid. Even Jeff (hardly the poster boy for intellect) picks up on the fact that Kalia is a total strategic failure and calls her out for being stupid. When Jeff is making personal attacks at your mental capacity, you know it’s looking bleak.

Lawon’s taking home all the awards tonight. After stealing the title of “Biggest Bonehead Move” from Season 3’s Marcellas, Lawon also kicks me out of the top spot I’ve been holding onto for “Worst Liar”:

LAWON: I am SO PISSED I was nominated.

SHELLY: Yeah, that’s too bad. Keep fighting, though.


SHELLY: Huh? No one said you volunteered.

LAWON: Ummmm….uhhhh…Volunteer? Who said anything about “volunteer”? GIRL, you must be hearin’ CRAZY things. I’m gonna go outside.

[Shelly follows]

SHELLY: Lawon, did you volunteer to go up?

LAWON: Me?! What?! Volun…I’M APPALLED! Now WHY would I go do something as smart as that? D’oh! – I mean as STUPID as that! I said STUPID!

SHELLY: Why would Kalia put up someone that she’s close with? It doesn’t make sense.

LAWON: I am going to get to the bottom of this before I walk out that door.

SHELLY: But you have the numbers to stay if you want.

LAWON: I mean…um…Rachel could persuade…wait, no…uhhh…DID YOU SEE THE HE/SHE IN THE BACK YARD?! I was like WHAAAAAAAAAT!!! KA-PLOW!

Shelly’s suspicion of Lawon brings her up to the HoH room to ask Kalia if Lawon volunteered himself to go up. Kalia, whose spine is completely detached from her body and is now hanging in the storage room ready to be taken out with this week’s trash, wastes absolutely no time in instantly selling out Lawon.

SHELLY: Did Lawon volunteer himself?

KALIA: You bet! And then he wants to get out so that he can come back with special powers, and then Dani and I are going to make a deal with Rachel, and then when Lawon 100% comes back into the house he will most certainly have a power that will allow us to begin breaking up your alliance!

Uh-oh. I think I’ve said too much.

SHELLY: You do know that I’m about to run downstairs and tell Jeff and Jordan everything, right?

KALIA: Sure, whatever. Hey – can you pass me that Twinkie?

Meanwhile, Rachel says that she has to do “anything she can” to stay in the game this week. For once, “anything she can” does not involve some sort of activity that will shame her entire family, and the mere act of her existence alongside Lawon is enough to ensure she’s going nowhere. After making some fake deals with Kalia and Dani, Rachel goes down to the Have Not room to tell Jordan all about it. I’m starting to think that there’s more than one Shelly in the house because every time two people get into a private conversation, it takes one of the Shellies no more than 10 seconds to bust into the closed room and say something like “what’s going on here?” or “so, what are we doing?”. Even more bizarre than that is the fact that, without failure, people continue to always let her in on everything that they are discussing! In a matter of three back-to-back scenes, Shelly gets info from Lawon and passes it to Kalia. Then she gets info from Kalia and passes it to Rachel. Then she gets info from Rachel and passes it to Dani. I keep hearing about Shelly being this “masterful strategist”, but the inability to shut your mouth for 5 seconds does NOT make you a great social gamer. It makes you…well…a female. In fact, I can’t see any possible way that she is not hanging by a thread off the cliff that overlooks You’re Busted Canyon. She’ll be called out sooner than later. And hopefully with a Brenchel House Meeting™.

Delusion continues to circulate in the air of the Big Brother house as Kalia and Dani contemplate why oh why Rachel could ever have any reason for not taking their super-sweet deal. Gosh, numbskulls, I don’t know – maybe because she is 100% safe without the assistance of you ninnies? Maybe because she doesn’t want to align with the only two people in the house next week that will have massive red targets on their back? Maybe because with Brendon out of the house she actually is opting for “playing the game” over “dry humping the day away”?

After the break, we join Julie with the houseguests in the living room:

JULIE: 41 days in the house, and you’ve passed the halfway mark. Does the game get easier or harder at this point

JEFF: Definitely easier, Julie. But it has less to do with the time we’ve been here and everything to do with the fact that this is the second week in a row that the person being evicted has basically volunteered to go home. My strategy is to just lock myself in a room, hibernate for another month or so, and wake up in time for the final three.

Next up is the part of every Thursday show when we see a pre-taped package where the families of one of the nominees comments about what a great player their son/daughter/mom/dad/husband/wife is and how supportive everyone is of them back home. Since Rachel’s on the block and she has spent the last month-and-a-half embarassing everyone that associates with her in the real world, Big Brother decides to dig up some of Rachel’s old enemies from Season 12. Namely Ragan and…wait, who’s that handsome little troll?…Matt! (don’t blink or you’ll miss me)

After the obligatory setup shot to make it look like I (who resides in Chicago) was just simply passing through Hollywood and figured I’d pop into Ragan’s to see if he wants to watch “Big Brother” together, we get to see a series of updated pictures of Ragan and I out-of-our-minds intoxicated. We also get to hear that Ragan is keeping the faith that I will one day turn on my 34-year stint of heterosexuality and current devotion to my beautiful wife in favor of doing gay stuff. Dare to dream, buddy!

The rest of the package is us watching whatever CBS decided they should make us be looking at tonight, and we also get to see some great never-before-aired footage of Rachel with mayonnaise on her face talking into the Have Not room camera to Brendon. She says how difficult it is with him being gone and how she’s “thinking about what he would do”. Well let’s be honest – I think that if Brendon was alone in a room talking to a camera, we all know exactly what he’d do. Finally, in comparing Rachel to the killer in a slasher movie who keeps coming back, Ragan says that we can “pump bullets into her, decapitate her, or set her body on fire”. This is great news that I hope the D.R. lets the houseguests in on, as it could really liven the season up! (can we make it an “America’s Vote” thing?…cuz I’d text 80102 for “decapitate”)

After the commercial break, Julie questions Kalia in the HoH room about her week in power (or Jeff’s week in power…or Dani’s week in power…or Lawon’s week in power…ugh – I’m confused). Kalia rambles nonsensically about “growing wings and flying” again (in case you missed her killer nomination speech). But really she spends most of the time doing what she’s done all week – sucking tenaciously onto the ass of Jeff and Jordan. First off, Kalia – they can’t hear you; and secondly, they don’t like you. Kalia heads back downstairs (pitstopping in the kitchen on the way for a quick mid-show snack…she hasn’t eaten in literally MINUTES!), and then it’s time for the nomination speeches.

Both speeches are the worst we’ve seen so far this season and serve no purpose other than to remind us that there is a twist happening. Oddly enough, people clap after Lawon’s speech like he had delivered some profound presidential address. Voting begins, and after five weeks I’ve decided that Shelly’s weird “hand thing” in the D.R. is her jonesing for a cigarette. Even when the vote is 5-0 with only Adam left, Julie still clings to her false sense of suspense:

JULIE: Adam has stayed neutral this week, but now…he must pick a side. How will he vote?

Wow, Julie – you’re right! I stupidly figured that Adam would go along with every single other person who has since voted. But now that you mention it, maybe he’ll throw us for a loop and vote completely outside the entire rest of the house.

As I wait in baited anticipation for Adam’s rogue vote, he just ends up following along and putting in his hit for Lawon, which sends Lawon packing on a 6-0 sweep…


Just as Lawon is about to leave and go collect his 100% free magical super power, Julie stops him and calls everyone back to the living room:

JULIE: Lawon, you may come back into the house. But first…you have to battle one of the ex-evictees, as voted on by America or planted by SeeBS. There is no power, and because you are such a consummate fool and Rachel is still around, you can probably expect to be taking on Brendon and also subsequently getting your ass handed to you on a platter. If you’d like to just walk out the front door now and avoid any further inevitable shame, you are more than welcome to do so.

LAWON: I’m gonna COMPETE, Julie! And when I win, I’m going to GET that special power!

JULIE: No, Lawon – you’re not listening. There is no special power.

LAWON: HAHA! You FUNNY, Julie! Just please tell me there ain’t no HE/SHE in the backyard again! I CAN’T BE SHAVING NO HE/SHE NO MORE!

Lawon’s expression upon hearing the full details of the twist is priceless:

Big Brother 13 Lawon

And Rachel’s expression is endless fodder for message board Photoshop threads all over the internet:

Big Brother 13 episode 6 Rachel

(prize awarded for the person who finds the most creative place to insert a penis into the image above)

Out back, we get to check in on the four evictees. They learn that they’ll be competing against Lawon, and couldn’t be happier. Keith is already plotting out his new alliance – “The Regulator Angels”. In what can best be described as “the least shocking thing I’ve heard all week”, America has **cough** “voted” **cough** that Brendon should have a shot at coming back in the house! Julie then goes over the rules of the competition. She says that there are 150 balls, and I begin to think that Lawon may actually have a shot now!…

…But not for long, as this competition quickly becomes a complete and utter slaughter. Through nightmarish memories of Rachel’s shrill cheerleading, Bookie predictably beats the snot out of Lawon, sending him home (ironically in an Ivy League sweatshirt – I’m sure Yale is proud) as we bear witness to what is the most legendarily idiotic blunder in the history of Big Brother. Lawon is stunned, Rachel straddles Brendon, and I refill my prescription pain killers to get through the bonus season of “The Brenchel Show”, starting this Sunday on CBS.

“Big Brother” – it was nice watching you for a week. You will be missed.

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on (@RTVZone).


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  1. I really don’t think Brendon won the vote. Why even have a vote if they are just gonna put whoever they want back in so it causes the most drama.

    • Even though I can’t really stand Brendon and Rachel in the same house.

      I can honestly see him winning the votes.

      Brendon has his fans that voted for him.
      Rachel has her fans that voted for him. then you add in Jeff and Jordons fans that voted for Brendon most likely to help out JeJo alliance.

      It is basically a no brainer that he won.

      Not to mention there was probably people voting that wanted to see Rachel face brendon in the challenge. Too bad Lawon and company messed up that idea.

  2. The look on Lawon’s face at the end was priceless!

    I thought that it was funny that Julie did not even want to do an exit interview with Lawon.

  3. Matt I have to tell u..This is the best read yet….lmao…U got ur edge back buddy…Keep it up…

    • OMG, I bout pee’d myself!! haha Matt you are so funny!! Love Love reading your post!! Keep them coming..I think I will quit watching the show and just catch up by reading your weekly post!haha I think they should bring you in as a guest in the house!!haha

  4. Fixed or not the “vote/twist” is over…need to move on to the coming week..Dani has some big decisions to make..

    • Dani’s best bet is to put Jeff and Brendon. She needs the power couples to campaign against each other. It is probably the only way to ever break them up.

      • That actually happened behind closed doors last time..J&J were less vocal and did not draw attention to themselves like R&B did…Jeff is getting better at keeping his temper at the most crucial times..and this week would be one of those times..

    • I think danimal’s best move is to put up two floaters and try to BS the vets into trusting her again. If she gets a vet out, there are three left who will try to get her next week. Kaligula isn’t likely to bail out danimal again. Does danimal really want to depend on porsche? Hopefully the vets will just BS her and get rid of her asap. Danimal competes well in the contests, but she is not smart. She’s a female Jeff.

  5. Team Dani’s team is quite the trio. All three have a flibbertigibbet Nature. Two are caterogized in the true sinse of the word. The third would be caterogized as in Shakespeare’s King Lear.

  6. What would have been great would have been if they had kicked Rachael and she had to beat Brandon in the game. I wonder if he would have given it to her again. It does amaze me that between these two and Jeff and Jordan that Dani won the HOH for next week. What Happened???

    • Either it is ALL fixed for the ratings or NONE of it is fixed. Take your pick. Me? I wouldn’t bet my life either way.

  7. wake up people… this show is so rigged.. what difference do the polls make.. none… do they really think we are that stupid… they will do whatever they want regardless what the real votes are… julies stats didnt even come close or was anyone paying attention???????

    • Yes they do Sparky, look at it this way. Julie said that Bookie got over 1 million votes and that Duminick was right behind him. Consider that each email address could generate 10 votes and add in the cell phone voting. 3 million cbs votes are a fair number to assume.

      1. Brendon – 1,000,001 votes 33.3%
      2. Dominic – 960,000 votes 32%
      3. Cassi – 950,000 votes 31.6%
      4. Keith – 89,999 votes .03%

      This is pretty close to what the online POLL sites percentages were, so there you have it.

      • except she said there were 2 million votes cast. so…

        Matt- best article yet. so funny.

        I agree, Dani needs to nom Jeff and Brendon and make them fight it out. one comes down, then his woman goes up. this way, they will be more up for teaming with her or making a one week deal with her. that one week, everyone can go after the horror called Shelley. then resume fighting it out when Dani can compete in HOH again.

      • CBS must own the phone company that CHARGED money to make the calls or to text……cbs ..”.I think we could make some money if we tell the stupid people to vote on who could come back ,we will let them think that Brenden was the favorite and on top of that we will get higher ratings…”


        CBS :richer

  8. I am 99% sure the producers offered Lawon cash for that boneheaded decision. I think they offered him some money which was all he cared about anyway, was a small amount of cash and not really playing the game. His decision came completely out of no where. I think the producers wrote the story line for Lawon so that Brendon and Rachel could be back for drama. Poor Lawon just isn’t that goof of an actor be it by offering himself up or pretending to be shocked about being put up. Also, Lawon made it a guarantee for Brendon to beat and walk back in the house.

    Also, blame the crazy cat ladies for Brendon’s return. I don’t believe CBS had to fake it. The crazy cat ladies know Brendon helps Jeff’s game, not Cassi, and especially not Dominic. And don’t underestimate the power of the CBS only watchers. They get the good edits of Brendon and have no idea that he is really a mental abusing serial killer thanks to CBS’s hero edits of him. Having said that, I hate Brendon with a passion, but even I admit his coming back is better for the drama than anyone else. Cassi was a bore, and Dominic would hole up with Dani and lay around all day.

    • Good call! Lawon had to be paid off… I agree that the people that voted were CBS viewers, not BBAD or live feeds (or on this message board) They only see the Brenchel soap opera that CBS shows. They don’t see Brenda berating Rachel, or demeaning everyone else. The better irony would have been Brenda playing against Raitress, but that was done last week, so CBS had to change it for this weeks Brenchel episode.

    • He looked too shocked. If he was acting, he should get an emmy and his own sitcom. He’s just a lovable bonehead. I swear he was like a house pet. They are gonna miss him.

  9. Matt, you don’t have to hold back on how you really feel. You’re among friends here, just let it out, it’s freeing.
    I was playing cards last night and BB was on but muted but when I saw you and Ragan, the game came to a screeching halt when I shouted SHUT UP and had to hear you and Ragan once again. I forgot how much I missed you both. Very good stuff. At commercials I had to explain all the players and game but I think I got more viewers and it’s all thanks to you and Ragan.
    Keep up your fine assessments and clever quips so I can feel there is at least one other person out that besides me that is not a Julie fan.
    Whoever says they didn’t see this coming isn’t watching BB, total setup for ratings, kind of sad. The show was fine before they tampered with it.

  10. One more thing, there seems to be a wrong categorization of Daniele’s role on the show. She is a veteran (3 syllables). People are complaining they don’t want Vets to win, yet they are all about Dani because she has stupidly gone against the house to work with retards like Kalia and Porsche. She had a clear path to the end and foolishly has made some of the worst decisions in the house. Now she has to fight all the way to the end to get it. She will get it but she didn’t have to work this hard to get it. Her ego to get out of her dad’s shadow has made for some really dumb decisions on her part. But make no mistake, no matter who she plays with, she is still a veteran and her house domination is as boring as Brenchel and Jordan winning for 3 weeks in a row.

    She also needs to not blame Adam for Kalia’s HOH disaster. She can be mad at Shelly for planting the seed in Kalia’s fat mind, but to hold everything on Adam because he didn’t vote the way she wanted him to is bullshit. She is playing a very petty and personal game.

    I am only pointing this out not because I like Brenchel, but she bullies, plays personally, dominates the house, and holds court the same way Brenchel have done but receives none of the same criticisms.

    • I agree with u I don’t see why b/r gets so much hate for the same things dani does but everyone likes her well I didn’t like her the first time she played and don’t like her this time she is such a whitch and she was an a** to Dick and if it wasn’t for him she would not have made it to fin 2 I want Jeff or shelly to win but don’t think shelly will everybody is catching on to her but still pulling for her and Jeff

      • last night, Dani was in the kitchen with Adam BEFORE HOH and she said to him, I rallied to keep you off the block this week as a replacement nominee and I rallied to back door Jeff 2 weeks ago so that both you and Dom as partners could stay. And he ignored her. she was trying to speak to him and he ignored her. She was trying to ask why he pretended to be aligned with her and yet turned his back. and he blatantly ignored her. BEFORE HOH. AFTER HOH, he RAN to kiss her ass. that is why she is making him sweat. as well she should. what a sorry excuse for a man, a player, and an alleged “superfan.” its like his balls have not dropped yet. he was about a second away from washing brendon’s balls last night, and even Jeff was making fun of him for that. its disgusting.

  11. It was so sickening to watch Brendon win his way back into the house and hearing Rachel. I think the game would be just as good without them, I am a hater lol…Thanks Mat I always look forward to these reads!!

  12. Matt I did not really like you in BB12 (I LOVE your blogs and web shows now though) and watching BB last night confirmed why… BB12 would have been so EPIC had you, Ragan, Britney and Brenchel teamed up to take out the Brigade. That season some players were too personal and had they kept the couple around the target would’ve stayed on them. You were a smart player but did two things that contributed to your downfall; the lie about the wife thing and not exposing the Brigade. I appreciate your blogs and your comments on the game.. it’s fascinating. Some players try to blog BB and they shouldn’t your opinion is one of the few worthy ones.

  13. Haha, I died laughing when Rachel’s face was shown after the twist. And the kept the focus there for a good 20 seconds. It became mildly awkward. I was wondering if it was fake. And when someone was going to put a peen there.

    • I think she held her mouth opened that long b/c she knew the camera was still there. I don’t know if they can see themselves on the live shows or not but I really and truly think she held it open longer on purpose. There was one time when she almost cracked a smile but she held that faitful pose because as I’ve always said…whether it’s good attention or bad attention…it’s still attention. Matt is right…her family must be so proud of her.

      • and what about Brenden’s family..i bet they can’t wait to have her as a daughter-inlaw….(shiver)

  14. Why bother voting? Producers are going to choose whoever they want to come back. I doubt that Brendon won the vote. My guess was that it was pretty close between Cassi and Dom with Dom in the lead and Brendon was 3rd and Keith was last. Matt, I completely agree with this article. Brendon is arrogant and annoying. Combining him and Rachel just makes me want to pull my hair out. Maybe he got voted in because he’s handsome but Dom is more adorable.

    • I agree Trish. I wasted money voting for Dom and also voted on the computer.

      Matt loved your article – much better than the real show. I wish you were on this season instead of Brenchel.

    • I love how everyone picks on B and R, but not on the others who do the exact same thing. Did you miss Dominic’s arrogance? OR Dani’s never-ending mean-girl, personal, dominating, and arrogant phasse? IF you’re gonna dislike one player for something, then stay consistent and not hypocritical.

  15. also, everytime Jeff is shirtless, I can’t stop staring. He is hands down the best looking person to ever be on BB.

  16. Come on Matt…2 blogs in a row you havent once mentioned Daniele’s hand in this whole mess and how badly she has botched up her game. She’s the vet and supposedly the “smart” one. Shame on you Matt, you bias is showing.

  17. This was hilarious! I am wiping the tears from my eyes. Surprised I have any left after watching BB13 last night with Rachel and Brendon back together

  18. I am positive that Big Brother is scripted and run by the producers. If I’m wrong then there is not a dumber cast than what’s on right now. Rachel should have been voted out so only one of this couple comes back. It has turned out to be a really bad set up this year and I am done watching. I may catch the episodes via “On Demand”.

  19. The only reason I think Brendon was voted back in was bc Brenchel haters were convinced Rachel was going to be voted out by D/P/A/K and having her out and him back in would have devastated her. Voted back in out of spite!

  20. I dont think the voting was rigged. Brenda won because JJ fans want him to stay in the house to protect Jeff, not because America loves him.

    • That’s a good point and I’ve heard others say that as well. I didn’t really think about it that way. Also people wanted to see those two face off in a competition…lol I would have loved to see that beautiful Dominic back in the house….he was just so pretty to look at LOL

      • I’m ashamed to say I was one of those voters who voted for Brendon to help Jeff & Jordon. Wish I hadn’t now,

  21. Another hilarious blog Matt! Question though…do you and Regan really like Rachel?? I was sort of tolerating her in the house alone and almost (gasp) looking forward to watching her play the game without Brenda. Hopefully he will go this week. He is so difficult to watch. I fast forward every time he or Porsche are on BBAD. PS. caption under Rachel’s picture…priceless!!!

    • I can tolerate Brendon better without her…He is more concerned or can focus better on game play when she is not around. He has to placate and cater to her constantly which takes away attention that he should be spending on game..

      • Did you watch last year? He is a horrible neander-Tal. Would not like to see him past this week. People talk about his “game play.” If by that they mean, being demeaning (especially towards women) bullying, inane “humor” and basically being a bad person, then he has great game.

      • @Mary 2 I so agree with you. I could not believe it when they were back this season. They were close to having them both out and now they are back again. How many chances do they give Brenchel? I am so glad Dani won HOH.

  22. My favorite part….

    “…and we also get to see some great never-before-aired footage of Rachel with mayonnaise on her face talking into the Have Not room camera to Brendon.”


  23. Love your blog, Matt. I agree with all you’ve said. For a brief moment, I was pulling for Kalia til she showed her special ed side. This game needs B-Rob & Russel from Survivor and Evel Dick. I can’t take anymore of Brenchel, dumb as ? Kalia nor that Benedict Arnold-Shelly.
    Someone from that group, preferably, Brenchel has to leave before my friends and I resume watching.

  24. I know alot of people are saying that CBS rigged the voting, but listening to to call in shows like on Superpass and reading other message boards-it seems Brenchal have a HUGE following (don’t ask why!) and they are crazy-loyal and they voted like their lives depended on it!! So were Jeff and Jordan fans because they know that with Brendan in the house, Jeff wouldn’t be as big of a target.

    • Game play is the reason..Rachel and Brendon both have a need for therapy but they do apply themselves to the comps..If they could only leave their personal self serving whiny attitudes outside the house then they would get farther.

  25. I laughed so much at this my sides hurt. WOW. Excellent recap Matt.


    You left out my favorite part! The shots of Dani alternately looking pissed and horrified at what just happened, and the final shot of Lawon giving Dani a “you set me up” look as she went to hug him. She is , without a doubt, being completely outmaneuvered by Jeff and Shelly! The worst “strategist” in Big Brother history is Dani!

    • She is not being outmaneuvered by Jeff and Shelly. She had a gut feeling that was going to happen and it did. She turned right around and won HOH. She does not trust Shelly one bit.

      • That’s exactly right Gail. She KNEW what the twist would be and what she should be doing…but she doubted herself instead of trusting those instincts. I think her strategy is fine if she hadn’t been influenced by K so much. It won’t happen again though

  26. Great article. Can’t agree with the last statement more. Sad to say but I’m not sure I can stomach watching “The Brenchel Show” as I don’t have any pain killers. I seriously can’t believe he won. I thought for certain Cassie was going to win considering most poles and posts that I saw but I suppose that wouldn’t be dramatic enough for Big Brother. I’ll keep reading here and wait till one of the two are gone before I start watching again.

  27. Also, I agree with Chris’ comments above. Reading others comments on other web sites, folks were happy to see Brendon leave. The vote indicated a runoff between Cassie and Dominic. Keith had 2% and Brendon had about 25%. If anyone shld retrn, bring back Evel Dick. I will not watch another episode with Brenchel.

  28. I’m glad Dominic did not get back in the game because he wanted to play like you Matt and be like you….he was nothing but a Matt wanttabe…lol…ha ha ha i’m so glad I don’t have to see him in that house

  29. The super computers at UCLA must have been working overtime to get Brendon back in the house at the last minute. He is a pussy crybaby that deserves his less-than desirable wench. I for one am protesting the vote count.

  30. Wow. I thought I was twisted but you got my respect. That was some funny stuff. Last night was just over the top. Dani wins HOH, Let’s see if she can gain some ground this time.

  31. It really true what Sean said!
    Keith-Got his Family votes(No-one likes him anyways)
    Cassi-Got her Family votes && Her modeling friends votes && Whoever thought she was pretty votes
    Dominic-Got His family votes, People who thought he was hot(girls would), He also got Dani fans votes!His friends vote
    Brendon-Got Brenchel fans,His family votes, Jeff && Jordans fans votes, His friends vote, soo it was not rigged! Brendon && Dom were close but Brendon got me and my 42 friends to vote for him 10 times ! I will admit im a fan of BR&&JJ !

    • You forgot to count All the people who hate Brenchel for Cassi and Dom’s votes. (We all know no one bothered with Keith). And then there are the people who just hate Rachel who probably voted for Cassi in hopes of pissing Rachel off.

  32. i was thinking the same thing to when rachels mouth was opened wide like it was no wonder brendon likes her lol…i was laughing so hard at that expression

  33. Never before did I think the show was completely contrived. With Brenden back, um….yes it is.

    Completely sick of Rachel. Brenden. More mood swings than a teenager. And bookie pookie poo?

    Matt, it is this blog that makes it fun. And there is no personality like Regan this season.

    I want Dani to win just to shut up her dad.

  34. The much anticipated response of one of my all time favorite BB HG’s Matt Hoffman. The biting sarcasm is all we have to hold on to at times like this when clearly we are stuck with a giant two headed turd that some affectionately call Brenchel.
    Who thinks Matt should replace Julie as the Host? How sweet would that be!
    Gotta love him!

  35. yes jeff and jordan are a couple they just dont make out on camera for millions of people to see unlike brendon and rachel..jeff and jordan have respect for each other

    • I’m not so sure ..he”s 30 years old ,what is he waiting for ..they are not even engaged..Jordon may think their a couple but i don’t think Jeff does..i think he uses her to get on shows…

  36. its about time shelly got busted… but she really thinks shes innocent… makes you wonder what shes really like at home…

  37. Matt – I have to say I am disappointed in your recap this week. Was there really any need to include sexist and fatophobic comments for the sake of a laugh?

    “but the inability to shut your mouth for 5 seconds does NOT make you a great social gamer. It makes you…well…a female.”

    “KALIA: Sure, whatever. Hey – can you pass me that Twinkie?”

    “pitstopping in the kitchen on the way for a quick mid-show snack…she hasn’t eaten in literally MINUTES!”

    Like, seriously? Commenting a Kalia’s eating habits plays no part in recapping the strategy of the player! The comments provide no support to your reasoning and ultimately hurt your overall argument…Also, they make you look like real a jerk.

    Used to be your biggest fan

    • Oh, calm down. He’s just messing around. Kalia is my favorite newbie in the house but I still found the comments about her eating habits hilarious. Matt’s not trying to be mean, and he’s not making an “argument” he’s just sharing his opinion.

      • Hey look, I realize it’s Big Brother, no big deal.

        But when I watched this guy on TV etc., I had a certain image of him that I really liked. He was really cool in my books. I just feel let down by his remarks, which wouldn’t necessarily get to everyone. Messing around and sharing his opinion at the expense of others, is like I said, making him look like a real jerk.

  38. Am I the only one that realizes that Jordan has pretty much already won the game? Sweet, innocent, not-too-bright Jordan. She’s going to go the end and CBS will be handing her another 500,000 dollars. It’s not that I don’t like Jordan, it’s just that she already won, and someone else should get a fair chance. But everyone loves her so much that no one is targeting her! If Danielle wants to win this game, she and Kalia need to get Jordan out FAST, because if it’s Dani ad Jordan in the final two… we all know whose going to win.

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