Big Brother 13 Episode 10: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Another live eviction night on Big Brother. Exciting for drama, but not the best for writing about. Alas, I will do my best, but I will also use this entry to address as many reader comments as I can. So this is your chance to ask stuff below and get a reply from an actual 7th place loser…What an opportunity!

First off, let me say that I believe Julie Chen may be reading these write-ups and reacting to my criticism. Because this may be the first time I’ve ever seen her dressed like she wasn’t the butt of some inside joke in the wardrobe department. Also, (to the best of my recollection) not a single fluff question to the houseguests. Chenbot must’ve had her circuits replaced before the show went live.

After we recap the veto ceremony where Brendon left the nominations the same, Daniele says, “I don’t know what kind of crazy pills Brendon and Rachel took overnight, because they were on board to backdoor Jeff and Jordan”. Those “crazy pills” must’ve come from Dani’s suitcase because, as far as I can tell, Brenchel were never on board to backdoor Jeff and Jordan.

Any Daniele fans better hope that she’s a helluva fierce competitor, because her social grasp on the game has not been the keenest as of late. This point is hammered further home as she runs up to the HoH room to whine to Brenchel:

DANIELE: It’s not faiiiiir! I need a partner tooooooo! Wahhhhh!!!! I’m MAD!

Brendon, engrossed in his power trip and carefully setting the lid on his coffin to be nailed shut as soon as anyone outside of his 4-person alliance gets into power, could care less and gives Dani a timeout until she can play nice.

Throughout the day, rumors begin circulating around the house, and even the dimwits in the BB13 cast can see that the puzzle pieces aren’t all fitting into place. The clouds for a trademark Brenchel House Meeting™ are looming overhead. Jeff talks in circles to try to get to the bottom of it with Dominic, but the exchange is not unlike the classic Abbot and Costello sketch:

JEFF: Tell me what I want to hear.

DOMINIC: What do you want to hear?

JEFF: The truth.

DOMINIC: What’s the truth?

JEFF: You tell me.

DOMINIC: I told you.

JEFF: Who tried to backdoor me?

DOMINIC: No – Who’s on first!

Getting nowhere, the two of them go upstairs to bring Brendon into the discussion. This confuses things even more with analogies of murder, being an “accessory to backdooring”, and sinking ships. Dominic than uses the following stellar argument to try and save his ass:

DOMINIC: Why are you not going to pick the one guy who knows what’s going on and that is smart enough to defend himself, over the guy you know who can be manipulated easy?

Hmmmm, let’s see Dominic…should we keep the guy who is smart and will probably come back to kick our ass, or the guy that we can use as a puppet whenever we want. Tough choice! I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that Dominic was not heavily involved in his high school’s debate team.

After the break, we meet Kalia. She’s the African American female that you may have seen occasionally in the background of “The Brenchel Show” this season. Kalia decides four weeks in that it’s time to check up on her alliance deal that she made with the vets in week one. Big Brother clearly went above and beyond to cast master strategists this season.

Kalia goes out in the back yard to confront BB12 Brendon’s doppelgänger “BB13 Brendon”. BB12 Brendon is a crying pussbag, but BB13 Brendon is full of gusto and confidence. So much so that he even comes off as quite cocky (no – not that kind of cocky). BB13 Brendon brags about studying rockets and orders women to do their dishes. In fact, the only commonality on BB13 Brendon to BB12 Brendon is the obnoxious overuse of the word “floater”.

Having no more of this back-talking nonsense, BB13 Brendon decides it’s time for a Brenchel House Meeting™. I am all too familiar with the Brenchel House Meetings™, and if this one goes anything like last year’s one, then I am thoroughly looking forward to seeing Brendon and Rachel get their asses handed to them on a silver platter. Strap in, kids!

As the confrontation boils, Lawon interrupts with “I’VE GOT NOTHING TO HIDE!”. Your wardrobe, maybe? Kalia takes a line from my #1 New York Times bestseller “How To Hold Your Own In A Brenchel House Meeting™” when she says, “I’m not playing both sides!…I’m playing by MYSELF!”. Well said, Kalia. And it sounds like just as much B.S. as when I dished it out.

Rachel explains to Daniele the rules of friendship, everyone gets called an idiot, and nothing really ever gets resolved. This Brenchel House Meeting™ was a miss for me. But sequels are never as good as the original. The congregation ends with Lawon in the D.R. telling us “Y’all better watch out! I’m playing to win!” I find it awesome that the one D.R. clip that Lawon is not trying to be funny in, he’s absolutely hysterical.

It’s time for eviction speeches! Adam gives the classic speech of someone who knows they’re safe (“I’m happy to be here, I love you all, blah, blah, blah”), while Dominic gives the classic lunatic ramblings of someone who knows they’re out the door, full of vague metaphors that are supposed to make the rest of the houseguests think, but in reality will all be forgotten as soon as the front door slams shut.

Julie’s commentary as people walk in to vote is spot-on fantastic this week as usual. No one can build suspense for the blatantly obvious as well as Julie Chen. Kalia cries during her vote, presumably because she hasn’t eaten in hours. Shelly either blows a kiss or is dry-heaving – I can’t tell. And Porsche is full of energy and just excited to finally be called into the D.R.

No surprise, Dominic gets voted out. Then Julie conducts an exit interview with him that actually is not worthy of any snarky harassment by me. In Dominic’s goodbye messages we get to see that Lawon is just as irritating in his D.R. sessions as he is in his farewells. He obsessively screams to Dominic, “We are boys for life! YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME!”, and while the rest of the past evictees get moved to sequester, Dominic goes into witness protection. The goodbye messages round out with the ultra-competitive Jeff telling Dom, “My number one goal coming in here was to spend the summer with Jordan”. Thanks for wasting our time, Jeff – I’m sure that all of America is thrilled to watch your romantic summer vacation unfold on television. Next season Big Brother should just cast all newlywed honeymooners. And instead of taping on a house, it’ll be on a cruise ship. Oh, and no competitions…just snorkeling excursions.

FINALLY! The moment we’ve all been waiting for! Last week Julie Chen teased us with the information that this week “the game would change” and she’d drop another bomb on the houseguests. What’s it gonna be, Chenbot?! Are you bringing a houseguest back? Mixing up the pairs? It turns out that the big news is…the houseguests are all playing as individuals! OH MY GOD, THAT’S SO CRAZY! I CAN’T BELIE…wait…hey!…you already told us that on the first day! What a letdown.

We end the show with the season’s first true endurance competition. It’s a nearly exact copy of last year’s first endurance competition. With all the carbon-copy similarities in BB13 to BB12 (from the competitions to the powerhouse domination to the boring cast) I’m predicting that somehow Hayden will end up winning again. Either way, we end the night watching the hamsters rocking back and forth on skis while Brendon complains about his unfairly large feet over the credits rolling.

Find out who won HoH last night in the endurance competition.

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by www.TheGremlinCave.com. Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on www.RTVZone.com (@RTVZone).

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128 Comments

  1. Hi Matt. Love your comments as usual. It’s pretty obvious to me that production controls, or tries to, the outcome of things. When I saw the skis I knew all the men would fall because it is designed for women and their smaller feet. Did you feel like some comps were set up for a certain person to win? I’m surprised that Kalia almost won. I thought she was a floater? Fooled me. I hope I get a response. I’m thrilled to be able to talk to you.

    • Hi, Mary! Yeah – I’m sure some comps cater to different types of people. But I think everyone ultimately has a fair shot. Especially endurance…as physical as they appear to be, they’re really battles of mental will and how much you can make your body tolerate.

      • I couldn’t agree more Matt. Some players seem to think the competition was not fair to them whenever they lose, in fact I think you may have used a DPOV on one of them.

    • It’s funny, the newb lovers have been complaining for weeks that the show is “controlled”. Now that it’s obvious that it really IS “controlled” they suddenly all say no, Dani’s just a great player…lol
      What makes it obvious is that KALIA was NEXT to Dani. Dani’s side wasn’t shaking as much. Only way Kalia could have stayed on so long.

      • And also it was made for small feet so how is that fair for everyone regardless if your a vet or newbie???

      • We talked about this challenge afterwards, the men seemed to drop off fairly soon, while the women were able to stay on longer. If possible if you have an ONDemand type of thing, go back and look, and of course listen.

        The men all complained (aside from Adam) that their tri’s, and shoulders were hurting and they simply could not take the pain anymore.

        Now note, where in position the handles were for you to hold on to.

        Women are shorter, and smaller by natural design. OK so Shelly is taller, but still, when you look you will see that both Jeff and Brendons arms were in a semi flex postition nearly the entire time they with stood the challenge. The black guys arms were hidden by his sweatshirt, but I am sure he was in a similar bent arm mode as well.

        My BF who works out explained that while in that postition, they get past the point of where the blood is being pumped to the muscles involved and go into the growth/burn mode to the muscle. Anyone that’s ever worked out can tell you, you can’t stay in burn all that long, 2 to 3 sets maybe…then you’re just done. Me personally, it’s one set, then I quit and die LOL

        Dani, the smallest of all the contestants, was able to basically just stand there with no effort, thus her asking for a glass, then bottle of wine…she literally could have done that comp all night long unless she just got bored or fell asleep. :)

        So all in all, I do believe that some of the challenges are geared towards certain individuals having better odds at winning them. Not to say that Brendon or Jeff had no shot at all, but the unless the handles were adjustable to height/comfort, their odds dropped dramatically.

  2. Great blog!! As annoying as Rachel is on the feeds, Brendon is much worse with his condeceding ways!! Let’s vote one of them out and then back in so we can hear I’m back bitches!! Dani all I can say is wow! I dislike her! She is a thankless bitch who needs to grow up. Live in the knowledge that someday our own children will judge us! I am hoping for a Jeff Jordan or Shelly win!

  3. Dude, Matt, you are seriously going to get me in trouble. I’m at work and every Thursday/Friday I look forward to your commentaries. Without fail, every Thursday/Friday I sit in my cubicle trying my hardest to not burst out laughing. Stellar commentaries. I have no idea how people could not like you, you are amazing. Marry me.

  4. As usual I enjoyed reading your posts. And I must say I enjoyed very much watching each one of the smack talking vets fall off those skis. I think that was the best thing this season. Brendon and Rachel are so cocky and really need to be knocked off their high horse. And I think Jeff was even worse than those 2. I was really hoping for a good twist last nite, and you are right that was a huge letdown. Ok, now my question is, who are you hoping wins BB13? (please don’t tell me Brenchel, lol)

    • Personally (and this may sound shocking, based on my writings) I’m rooting for Brenchel, since I’m closest to them. But from a gameplay standpoint (if I didn’t know anyone)…I have no idea! It would’ve been Dominic. I like Adam cuz he’s a superfan, and it would be cool to have a superfan win, but he’s not doing anything exciting to advance his gameplay. You know, even personal relations aside, I think I’d still pick Rachel. She’s a fierce competitor, and when she’s not being insane (there ARE a few times), she’s actually a decent strategist as well.

      • Matt, I agree about Rachel’s ability! She is in to win, even if the challenge was removing her finger nails one by one, lol. Why can’t fans and superfans be supportive of her? Pretend her somewhat obnoxious behavior ( I do like her) was gameplay as a distraction of her mad skills! If writers tried to sell Rachel, would fans change thier minds about her? Plus, the end ( last weeks ) of BB12 was dull without her, or you.

  5. Great use of sarcasm Matt. Enjoy your ramblings. Looking forward to brendon putting the final nail in his coffin..or is it a rocketship?

  6. Dude, Matt, you are seriously going to get me in trouble. Every Thursday /Friday I sit here in my cubicle at work, eagerly awaiting your recap of the episodes. Without fail, every Thursday/Friday, I need to go to the ER from resisting the urge to burst out laughing. You are seriously the man. Stellar recaps. I have no idea how people could not like you. Marry me.

  7. I wish they would have brought Russell back from 11. Him, rachel, brendon, jeff, and Dani. That House would be nuts with all the calling out and confrontation!

    • “RAT RAT RAT” I still can’t get over the fact that Russle voted for Natalie in the end over Jordan, but then again, I almost cried when Jeff and Jordan got Russle out of the house. I loved that guy. I could only imagine what he would of been saying to Brenchel. Now I am giggling just thinking of the things he would be so inclined to say…HA HA HA HA

      Matt, just wondering if you remained friends with Regan after BB ended? Raytress…get me a drink is still TOPS as the all time BB lines.

  8. Matt, as one of my top BB players, im interested in knowing who you think has the best chance of winning so far? And who do you think is playing the best all around game?(but as we know from last season, sometimes the best players finish in 7th) haha

    • Thanks, Zack! I think Shelly’s in a pretty good position to win. Sadly, I think Jordan’s in a good spot too…she’s just so damn likable! As far as playing the best game, I think that’d be Rachel. But her alliance will be her downfall because people are so hell-bent on breaking up the two couples.

  9. Wow, another GREAT recap. Makes me laugh every time. Now, if you were in the HOH room this week, and were in Dani’s position, who would you vote out. What can she gain if she goes stictly by emotions this week? I know she hates Benchel……as we all do. But can she benefit if she votes with emotion? Love BB!!!

    • While taking out Brenchel would fill that “emotional” void, I do believe that it’s also strategic. If they don’t get split up soon, they’ll demolish the house. They’re the biggest threats in there right now, competitively.

      • I just want to see Rachel have an emotional BREAKDOWN. Makes for great TV. She is the biggest baby!!! My vote…get Brendon out of their and Rachel will fold like a deck of cards.

  10. “Dominic than uses the following stellar argument to try and save his ass:”

    Interesting. Matt Hoffman, the genius.

    Anyways, I have a quick question for you! Do you think that Julie seemed, eh, somewhat pissed/confused/malfunctioning during one part of the interview? She looked down… and then laughed in an odd way. I’m not trying to over analyze her or anything, but there must be some error in her logs indicating so. What’s your opinion on this?

    • Yeah – Stacy and I noticed the malfunction. It was when Kalia said something back to her. Chenbot is not programmed to respond to feedback – only to ask questions. This threw her for a loop, and her circuits went haywire.

    • Oh, and Matt, do you have any secrets that you can share with us about the game? Like, for example, do they tell you when live shows are going to happen? Can you hear the crowd/Julie? How about when they shut the live feeds off for POV… do they prep you when the person will come flying out of the DR? Can you really see the jib operators? Does the house really smell awful by the end of the season? Don’t the screens on the memory wall get burnt with the person’s picture in them since it’s always there?

      Please tell! :)

      • i’d like to know, by the end of the season- has everybody seen everybody else’s ‘birthday suits”. Seems like NO privacy. Is that a problem?

      • I’d like to know the same!

        Something else I’ve always wondered is about the first show. Is Julie’s back really facing you when she welcomes you? I mean, how awkward. And, is that REALLY the first time you’re seeing each other?

        Thank you so much for answering all of these if you can! :)

      • A whole interview, huh?! Here you go…No secrets at risk of lawsuits. We know when live shows are. We can hear the crowd, but not Julie. No clue when the feeds are on or off. No clue when people will come out of the DR. Can see jib operators only during comps. House is a cesspool of filth by the end. No clue about the memory wall burn-in. I think that covers it!

      • Oh – and the follow-ups. Seeing everyone naked does happen sometimes. And yes – Julie really has our backs to us, and it’s weird, and that is the first time seeing each other.

  11. Matt, do you think you will be in the next BB allstar. I was your biggest fan last season and cant wait to see you play again.

    • Thanks, BG! Nah – I don’t think I’m an “All Star” unless they do a “Heroes/Villains” type thing. Here’s to hoping, though!

  12. Matt, I tweeted something along these lines a couple weeks ago but wanted to reiterate how much I enjoy these summaries. Wish you did them each day for Showtime’s BBAD..

  13. Hey Matt. You are a very good writer and you make BB that much more enjoyable with your feedback. Btw,I think BB should bring you into the mix in the BB House this season. If there was a voting in bringing you back to BB, I’d be the first to vote Matt Hoffman,”the Genius” back to BB. Keep up the amusing posts!

  14. Is anyone else getting scared that Litte Richard (Lawon)is going to walk out of this house with $50,000? Everyone is going after threats and a guy like him will slip on through to the top 3. At that point who wouldn’t take him to the final. It would be a guaranteed win. I could care less that he gets the money…it’s having to watch him for another 2m months. The 5 minutes of airtime he’s had this season has been far too much.

    • @ DJSkins
      Ya, maybe Litte Richard (Lawon) will be another “Natalie” of BB 11. Gotta luv those floaters clinging onto life perservers and riding good competitor’s coat tails right to the final 3. I’m so glad she didn’t win that year. I was having nightmares about her winning that BB… wasn’t pretty at all. LOL

  15. Do you think Dani’s best strategic move might be to try and get the band back together again with the vets? Cause if she goes after them she can only get rid of one this week and then she’s gonna have to pretty much win either POV or HOH every week to stay in the house cause she’s working with the most useless people who won’t win jack. She could go to them with hat in hand and be like I lost my mind there for a minute and I’m gonna prove to you guys with my actions that I’m sorry and back on track to get rid of the deadweight and steamroll the noobs. Then nom Lawon and Adam or maybe even Shelly and Porche.

    • I think she should kick out one of the vets, then team up with the straggling partner to form a new vet foursome. The other remaining pair would be the obvious first target of the newbies, leaving Danielle (and whoever her partner is) in a sweet spot.

      • Dude I love you but if you honestly think Dani’s gonna kick out “my fiance” before jury no less and Brendon or Rachel are gonna then work with her you’re insane. The same could be said for Jeff and Jordan but without the insanity and theatrics. No wonder you went out 7th. HAHA!

      • But what would be the three vets other option? To carry on as a threesome and be insanely outnumbered? If you take “emotion” and “friendship” out of the equation and thinking purely “game”, taking Danielle back would make them a crazy powerful foursome in the house that could probably sweep through to the end.

      • First there will be no taking emotion out of it after sending someone’s significant other out of the house especially before jury. As far as what the vets will do instead of teaming back with Dani it’s pretty simple. Most likely Brendon or Rachel will leave depending on POV. So whichever one of them stays will partner with Porsche as well as Jeff and Jordan who also have Shelly under their wing and go after Dani who’s only chance to stay will be to win POV. If she does they’ll settle for Kalia and try again the next week.

  16. It sucks that Dom is out. He was the only new player with an actual strategy (other than floating). I’m hoping they bring back someone and he gets chosen. However, if a vet goes this week I would expect it to be that person to come back.

    My question for Matt is: Do you think it is possible that they could bring back 2 houseguests this season since Dick left? Assuming they were already planning on bringing someone back before he left.

    • I don’t think they’d bring back TWO. Even bringing back ONE they’re on pace for two double-evictions (I think…maybe I’m off with that).

  17. Matt, great break down as usual. Can’t wait to hear everyone’s thought on the gremlin cave. Question…does Rachel look as bad in person without makeup as she does on tv??

    • Rachel looks MUCH better in person than on TV. And I’m not just saying that either! I think Stacy would even attest to the same thing.

      • That’s good to know! Sometimes I see Rachel and she looks pretty and other not so much (that just may be when she’s been whimpering though).

  18. I hate admitting being a fan, but I am. Your summaries are less boring than others and I’m so overly entertained by the sarcasm.

    I just have a question- not of epic proportions, but having been in the BBHouse, isn’t it annoying and terribly cocky for people like Brenchel (ohh, I can’t believe I used that) to all of a sudden make it ‘wrong’ to be a floater in the BB game? I think- and I have absolutely no personal experience to base this on- that ‘floating’ in itself could be a strategy.

    “Everyone knows that Rachel and I HATE floaters”

    If it’s true that Hayden was one- and I am not saying he was, but he was accused of it last season- wouldn’t an educated person stop and think about the fact that they did not even make it to the final three as a ‘STRONG COMPETITOR’, but a ‘floater’ won the whole thing? Yet here they are using the same tactics as last season, I think.

    Okay- sorry for the rant. I watched a couple of your videos. Yep I did.

    • Yeah, I know it’s shameful to be a Matt fan. Thanks for trudging though it though. :-)

      As far as “floating” being a strategy, I guess you could say that. But it’s a super boring cop-out strategy, and will never get you remembered as “one of the greats”. This may sound stupid, but as a superfan of the show I’d rather go out early knowing I played hard than make it to the end skirting by on everyone else’s accomplishments.

    • Well not so fast. Dr. Will is considered one of the best players of Big Brother without really winning any competitions.

  19. I just found your commentary and I’m really enjoying it! I actually dislike Jeff/Jordon more than I dislike Rachel – she does win and she does try – however, she’s still annoying as hell. The weird thing about this season is that they didn’t cast any compelling people as newbies – it’s impossible to get behind any of them 100%.

    So, essentially, I don’t want anyone to win. Give me the money.

    Oh, and I always remember your exist interview with Julie Chen when you used the word “succubus” and she thought it was obscene and would get beeped out by CBS. When you responded with something like “it’s a legitimate term” and she said “well, that’s a matter of opinion”, I nearly wet myself. I guess they don’t teach classical mythology at TeeVee College. Meow….

    • I’ve been told that Julie may have thought I said “sucky bitch”. I mumble a lot, so that’s probably my fault.

  20. Did anyone else notice that smiling goober over Dominic’s right shoulder during his exit interview with Julie? He was just too happy to have his mug on TV. It was distracting at first but then Julie started to talk and then he became more entertaining.

  21. Matt, you’re hilarious. Everytime I read this, what I see in my mind is you wearing Rachel’s extensions in your PJ’s. Classic.

    Anyway, what I wanted to know, is if you had the chance, who and what would you tell a HG to change their game for the better? As in for Drama or Gameplay, or just screwing over a HG.

    • My main thing I’d say (and the lesson I learned) is to not get too comfortable in any alliance, and know when to flip! Be a leader and not a follower!

  22. Oh, I forgot, I do have a question: I’m not sure you mentioned this in a earlier commentary, but do you believe that Jordon figured out “David Hasselhoff” on her own? I call shenanigans. That had to be the most obvious bit of rigging outside of the “Jeff and Jordon” bag o’ chips. The producers are making me HATE this couple because they are being pandered to so relentlessly.

    • No – knowing how the outdoor comps work and seeing the way it was set up, the producers couldn’t possibly intervene in that without everyone else in the house knowing. She definitely figured that out on her own, but HOW she did it will go down in history as one of life’s modern miracles.

      • I just figured she must watch a lot of soap operas, and maybe attended an opera. No one else seemed to know that it was for an opera. Also, she could have been a huge David Hasselhoff fan.

      • The best part was her explanation. She got “watch” from the binoculars, okay. And she got “Bay” from the soap. WHAT??

      • I definitely bow to your wisdom on this matter, Matt, but couldn’t they have told her the answer the day before in the DR and told her to keep her mouth quiet? Or am I missing something here (sure wouldn’t be the first time…)?

      • Yeah, Lisa Dee – D.R. is never THAT overt in getting involved as to where they’d flat-out give you the answer to something or even hint at what a comp would be like before it happens. Again, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that Jordan SOMEHOW amazingly came up with that one on her own. She’s like the Rain Man of reward comps.

    • My god, Jordan winning something doesn’t automatically mean it’s rigged.
      Am I the only one who saw Jeff whisper to her to guess David Hasselhoff when they were still outside?
      She went up to him like “it’s from a soap opera, (name who’s not the Hoff)?”
      And he leaned in “David Hasselhoff”
      So that’s what she guessed.
      She got the idea, she just needed the name.

      • No, you’re mis-remembering the scene. Jordan went over and asked Jeff “who played Mitch Buchannon in Baywatch?” Jeff replied, “David Hasselhoff.” I distinctly remember that because I thought it was hilarious that she remembered his character’s name, but not the actor himself.

  23. Hey Matt, love the recaps! I thought you were very entertaining last season. Did everyone forgive you for the lie about your wife and do you still communicate with all the houseguests from last season? Also, do you have the live feeds?

    • Yeah – no one really cares about the lie anymore. Kathy even called to apologize for being such a freak about it. I talk to nearly everyone from my cast, some more than others though.

      I do have the live feeds, but only because once you’re on the show you are sort of “grandfathered in” for life with them free of charge. I haven’t watched them much, but Stacy uses it on occasion and I try to read about what’s happening here-and-there to sort of stay on top of things.

  24. Love your comments Matt! I liked you last season, but your writing is waay better! Makes me laugh!

  25. I don’t think Jordan came up with the “no one gets between me and my man” quote on her own, although it got the biggest laugh of the show. I think production is feeding the house guests lines to use like this and especially in the diary room this year. In fact, this year, it seems so obvious that the Houseguests are spitting out spoon fed lines from production that it is downright awkward.

    • I thought it was too funny and almost busted a gut laughing….I was wondering why Matt did not mention it.

    • Her and Jeff laughed as well, so it’s fairly obvious that they didn’t come up with that on their own.
      I heard that Rachel didn’t even come up with most of those messages in her season.
      It’s still hilarious none the less.
      Apparently the DR says “say this” and the houseguests decide to do so or not, and I guess no one is saying “no” to them, so that’s why it seems that way.

  26. Hey Matt, What you think about Porshe’s chances? She fell under the radar and has been staying out of the fray lately.

    • Who knows? All these newbies are interchangeable to me! Outside of Shelly, every one of them is a floater, and the vets are the only ones playing the game! That’s why it sucked seeing Dominic go…he was one of the last good newbs.

      • I made a note to myself that if a newbie won HOH and then DID NOT nominate a veteran, I would seriously lose interest in the show and maybe stop watching because it is already ridiculously predictable. I think, however, that a newbie may never win an HOH ever on this season.

  27. Found it interesting that when the HOH comp started, all the newbies were wearing hoodies and all the vets were in tank tops. Oh, and Porsche had gloves on. The conspiracy theorist in me has to think… mmmmmmhhh.

  28. I still believe that an evicted houseguest is coming back in the game next week. Either voted back in by America or they will compete to get back in the game.

      • Haha – yeah, I read all the comments, but it’s hard to respond to everyone. That’s why I just picked this one particular recap to do it on. Maybe later in the season I’ll pick another one or two.

        I’m really appreciative of all the positive feedback, though (for real!). Extraordinarily humbling! But I can’t help but love the harsh criticism. That stuff’s the easiest to respond to, and the most fun! :-)

  29. OMG Matt!! I love your recap of the episodes. I just want to say I am a big fan of yours. I don’t have twitter but I go and check your comments out to see what you are saying about the new season. I wanted you to win BB12. Anyway keep the recaps coming. Love them.

  30. Matt what do u think about my theory about an evicted houseguest coming back in? Do u think Jeff will offer dani. The 10grand for safety?

    • I definitely think someone’s coming back. As far as offering the money, there’s weird rules on that. Unless the prize offered specifically says that you can give it away, then it needs to remain yours. That’s why during our pinball competition last season one of the prizes was five of those $1,000 “gold bars” or whatever. That’s different than just a straight $5,000 because with the “gold bars” you can give it away in exchange for whatever.

  31. Hay Matt, love your review as usual. Wish you were still in the house. Your season was much better than this one. So sad Dom is gone now I have no one to root for.

  32. Matt… I absolutely love your take on this season! Perfect!! You make me laugh. Us loyal watchers/readers/internetsnoopers definitely appreciate your critical view of things. So… tell us… which couple do you think Dani will target? And… how do you think that will change the game?

    • I think Dani will target both. Like, I think she’ll put up Jeff and Brendon, and just ensure that one of them goes home. I’m just excited for the temporary power shift…finally!

  33. Are nominations today? I also would like to know what you think Dani will do and what you would do.

    • See post #16 above for the answers to most of your questions. As far as when nominations are, I honestly don’t remember. Last summer was a long time ago, and I barely remember what I did yesterday. :-)

  34. Hey Matt! I have a question from last season.. Are racheal and ragean friends outside the house? Or do they still hate eachother?

    • Nah – they’re really great friends, actually. Ragan is standing up as a bridesmaid in her and Brendon’s wedding! (no joke!)

      • I saw a commercial for that. Her dress budget is a big as her boob budget. She cracks me up!

  35. Hey Matt! Big fan here. I’m curious – if you could play against any 5 competitors since BB7, which 5 would you pick?

    • Oh wow – great question! Ummm – I’d love to take on Evel Dick, Dan, Ronnie, Russel, and Annie (again).

      • Thanks for answering! I’m just surprised not to see Eric Stein here – I should have offered you an alternate choice, too!(lol)

  36. Hey Matt, huge fan. You’re hilarious :)

    Which newbie would you have teamed up with had they been in BB12? Which vet? This includes the evicted/walked HG’s.

    And which of any of the HG’s (besides Brenchel)might have excelled in BB12?

    • I would’ve probably teamed up with Dominic or Cassie (for newbies) and Jeff or Rachel for vets. I think Jeff would’ve done well in BB12.

  37. Hey Matt you were amazing in all the endurance competitions last year but do you think BB makes it unfair for all the competitors with a larger body size/muscle. I’m not trying to make an excuse for anybody but it seems when it comes down to endurance comp’s all the smaller players win(No offense xD) Also, how do you feel about everyone thinking Jeff is an amazing player yet he has not done anything. Good read, thank you :D

  38. Your all BB12 MATT suck up ..kiss assing fans ….so with that …I love you MATTY …will you marry me pleeeezze!……( if you don’t marry the other fan )….HAHAHA!

  39. Hey Matt, i absoloutly love your reviews.
    I have two questions actually, hopefully you can answer them :)
    my first one was if you were invited/going to Rachel and Brendon’s wedding? and my second question was how did you spend your time in the big brother house? When you weren’t talking about the game. I’m sure there is alot of time to waste. So how did you waste time?

  40. Hey Mat
    What do you think about doing a season where they bring back all the people who got voted out first in thier own season?? The winner would be like the best of the worst?? But you would get a chance to know all those people a bit better then you did the first time around

  41. i agree with #33. dani should put up brandon and jeff and if the pov is used, put up the girlfriend that is available. maybe then the pov wont be used, the vets will be fighting, drama in the house. i do hope rachel goes soon though, her laugh and wining really bother me. i change channels to avoid her….

  42. Hey Matt!
    I LOVE your commentaries, they crack me up every Thursday/Friday. I look forward to these more than the show! A couple of questions: Do you like Jeff and Jordan? Your alliance, The Brigade, lasted til almost the very end, what did you think of “The Regulators” and what do you think their downfall was? I feel so honored to be able to talk to an actual Big Brother player! It’s my dream to one day be on the show myself! (:

    • Also, are you invited to Rachel and Brendon’s wedding? And is Ragan REALLY a bridesmaid? That’s hilarous, I LOVED him, he was hilarious!

  43. Hey Matt question from everyone in my house, how did your wife react to the news she had a fatal desease and you needed the money for treatment or something like that?

  44. Matt, you’re hiLARious, yo! For real. If we were stuck inside that joint, growing more frustrated & paranoid by the day, it may have been fun to have you around the BB house because when you’re not being too clever for the room, or ferociously sneaky/misleading in your game-play,
    your observations are right on-point!

    Peace.

  45. Matt, I just thought I’d say that I think your freakin’ hilarious. Last year I thought you were just a bicurious weasle who didn’t have a clue what he was doing, and that you were just lucky you had the rest of the brigade to protect you, but I have fallen in love with your sarcastic whit! Also, I wish they would have brought you back this year with your imaginary dying wife! Great duo.

  46. Matt,
    Why do you have Twitter but not a facebook fan page???? I’ve never gotten into the Twitter craze and haven’t been able to find a fanpage for you on facebook. What gives? :)

  47. Matt you were my favorite HG last season, and you definitively come in a close second for the scandals of big brother, but i am sorry to say that Brendon outdid you on that. Your reviews of the Chenbot are amazing, keep writing every episode

    -Matt

  48. Matt — I have to know please; why would BB put someone like a Rachel back on the show? I honestly am NOT watching this year because I can’t stand her in any way shape or form. The very prescence of her and laugh/face/body/hair just makes me want to puke. It’s not fair when you consider all the people that want a shot at that show AND yes, Brendon (Mr PhD) should never be a doctor because I would never seek him out for help…he wants Rachel and that tells me a lot about who and how he thinks with that sphincter of a brain. Sorry for the long winded “take” on those two, but seriously BB, get it together!!! j

    • Hate, hate, hate Rachel & Brendon. Feel so bad for all the newbies, especially Dominic. He actually made the show worth watching. Love the fact that Dani isn’t afraid to go up against the bullies! If a member gets to come back, we all want Dominic, he at least made this show interesting. All the newbies should get a re-do on a new season. There is no way this is fair. Even though they say the “couples” are split up now, that is crap! They are still couples outside the house & it’s not fair to the new people. Will not ever watch this show again if Big Brother pulls this crap again! Bring Dominic Back!

  49. Matt – recaps are hilarious! keep it up.

    But, when dom said this: “Why are you not going to pick the one guy who knows what’s going on and that is smart enough to defend himself, over the guy you know who can be manipulated easy?”

    I think he meant that ADAM as the superfan was the “one guy who knows what’s going on and is …smart.” and that he, Dom, was the guy they can manipulate.

    :) haha. he did not pull that off well, did he?

  50. I absolutely BURST out laughing right at the end when you predicted that Hayden will win again.
    Maybe he’s been in sequester for a month and “the next big twist” is HAYDEN coming back as opposed to Cassi or Dominic or Keith…
    BAHA! I’d probably turn my TV off right there, even though I liked Hayden. (I’m kidding, no matter how terrible the season is, I always love it no matter what)

  51. Love it! but you gotta admit the best part of the night was when Jordan said “as rachel would say no one gets between me and MY MAN!” I was laughing histaricaly.

  52. Matt – I must admit that I was not a fan when I watched you on BB12 – but reading your blog has given me an entirely different opinion of you. I literally laugh out loud at least once each time I read, and I find your sense of humor hilarious. You seem like a really witty, intelligent, decent guy. I wish I had realized this about you last season; I think I would have been rooting for you more! Thanks for the very tongue-in-cheek yet incredibly astute commentary on season 13! Looking forward to your next posting.

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