Big Brother 19 Cast First Impressions — So Far, So Good!

Jillian Parker

There’s always at least one houseguest that leaves me scratching my head. What about Jillian Parker screamed CAST ME FOR BIG BROTHER 19!? Surely casting directors don’t really cast for first boots do they? Because we all know that can backfire. Unless it’s Glenn or Cornbread. Those times it worked.

Anyway, back to Jillian. She’s just a snore who claims she doesn’t want to end up in a showmance, which means she’ll probably end up in a showmance. But seriously, if they wanted to cast someone who had weight loss surgery, I’m sure Mama June was available. Pretty sure Honey Boo Boo is old enough to watch herself these days. 

And now for the fun of it, I’ll make my Jillian Parker prediction: I think she’ll be the person most likely to say something racist. Hey, before you jump on me read her bio! “I have a lot of opinions and I’m very expressive, so I think just making sure I don’t say the wrong things in front of millions of people!” she says.  What else could she possibly mean? 

And to further force my opinions on you, I’ll give Jillian my pre-season personal ranking (this isn’t how I think she’ll place, it’s just how I’d place her in choice of casting). Ranking: 16/16.

Cameron Heard

Look, it’s the nerdy superfan! Psyche! Sure Cameron Heard is a Superfan, but this guy isn’t even a virgin! I call shenanigans! I could tell in the first five minutes this guy has gotten laid before, and he confirmed it (basically since he has a girlfriend of like seven years). I think BB realized he’s not your typical token nerd so they even came in and took his glasses. I mean are they going to let him see this season? The guy really needs to see. Give him his glasses back, Grodner.

I liked Cameron, though. He had this surprising energy about him and he was one of the few who said he doesn’t care what America thinks of him. As long as he formulates a good social strategy we could expect good things out of this guy.

Prediction: Cameron could win BB19. I don’t want to get ahead of myself because you never know what’s going to go down with twists, but what the heck, I’m a gambling man. I’d bet on him. As long as he doesn’t get his glasses back.

Ranking: 2/16

Dominique Cooper

Dominique is so smart Jeff feels even dumber than usual! He is impressed by her use of words, which doesn’t take much for him. Seriously though, Dominique Cooper is a nuclear engineer. That’s a pretty smart job. Which means she’ll probably tell the HGs she’s a pre-school teacher.  On top of her smarts, she’s got a lot of charisma. It’s almost like she’s putting on a show with it. Like she’s trying to win a beauty pageant or something. I wonder if … hold on … let me open google. YEP! She is a former Miss Black Florida USA. I knew it!

Oh well, she says she’s an emotional person and can’t hide it so that should be fun. Let’s hope there are some nice trees and trash cans for her to hide behind this season.

Prediction: She will always be performing to us, never let loose, and therefore bore us to tears.

Ranking: 7/16

Ramses Soto

Ramses is not only the token nerd, he’s also the token gay. Which I think happened one other time but I can’t remember much about Season 15 after the shock therapy. I will say Ramses Soto had this great energy and was fun to watch despite overuse of the word “dude.”

And before you argue with me about Cameron being the token nerd superfan let me remind you that they literally took Cameron’s glasses away which means they’re rebranding him. And Ramses does cosplay. COSPLAY. COME ON! That’s the nerd. At any rate, I like Ramses and have a good feeling about him.

Prediction: I predict he’ll be very well-liked, but after an Ian and Steve win, the other superfans in the house will not trust him. He could end up in danger pretty early on.

Ranking: 4/16

Matthew Clines

I was an instant Matthew fan. Which means I’ll probably hate him in a week. I just felt like he was very relatable and I think Matthew Clines seems like someone I’d want to hang out with. I have nothing bad or funny to say about him. Team Silver Fox, am I right?

Prediction: I predict Matt will SHOUT IN THE DIARY ROOM. I think he’s going to be our shouter this season.

Ranking: 1/16

Raven Walton

I think I’ll like Raven a little better as soon as I see her with a different hairstyle and as soon as I forget (but never forgive) that she named Frankie Grande as her favorite past player. I liked that Raven Walton is a big fan of the show and has auditioned for it more than once. I think she’s a contender.

Prediction: I predict she’ll win a competition that requires balance or spinning. Dancers always do well in those comps, right?

Ranking: 5/16

Mark Jansen

Mark was starstruck by Jeff, so I’m not sure he was able to let loose, but since he’s “woman crazy” and admits that could be his downfall, I think Mark Jansen will flop. But at least we know he thinks Jeff is sexy, even though Jeff thinks his name is Matt.

Prediction: Mark will lose all endurance competitions.

Ranking: 9/16

Kevin Schlehuber

Previously on The Bold & The Beautiful… Kevin Schlehuber held the Forrester family hostage on a remote island … Sorry, but doesn’t Kevin look just like a soap opera villain? It’s all I could think of even though all he wanted me to think of were his seven children and how damn weird he is. Just go ahead and start the hashtag #KevinHas6Daughters now.

I do hope Kevin’s oddball ways make for entertaining feeds and Diary Room sessions, and I also hope he’s not the typical old guy first boot. I want that first boot honor to go to Jillian.

Prediction: Kevin will get Steely Dan in his HOH basket.

Ranking: 10/16

Alex Ow

Oh Alex. Alex, Alex, Alex. You want to align with the guys. You quietly want a showmance. You want to lose BB19 so you can come back and win a later season. You want to play Nicole’s game. She’s even your favorite past houseguest. Let’s take inspiration from others not plagiarize them, K?

And what was with the Team America reference? I hope Alex Ow doesn’t know something we don’t know because that is a garbage twist.

Prediction: She will be way more likely to play Nicole’s first season game than Nicole’s second season game. Thankfully.

Ranking: 14/16

Megan Lowder

I couldn’t get much out of Megan Lowder during her interview except that she thinks she has an obnoxious laugh and is a loud snorer. It’s OK that she didn’t really spill her guts to Jeff because we all know he’s not the best interviewer, so I’ll just focus on her written bio. I’m most excited that she admits she overanalyzes things and will likely be one of the more paranoid contestants this season. As long as it’s not Vanessa Rousso level paranoia, I can enjoy it.

Prediction: Most likely to munch potato chips into her microphone and pee in the hot tub.

Ranking: 6/16

Josh Martinez

Oh, you guys, Josh Martinez is going to be messy. He says he’s going to sit back and scope things out, but I bet he’ll be at someone’s throat as soon as the Live Feeds come on. He might even be nominated by then. I just feel like he’s not going to be able to hold back on people. Which can be entertaining as long as it doesn’t get Willie Hantz scary.

Prediction: Josh will Devin his game. He’ll try to form a big alliance and then he’ll freak everyone out and get himself evicted second or third.

Ranking: 11/16

Elena Davies

Elena is another single girl but she’s anti-showmance … BUT…. Yeah yeah yeah … unless it helps her game. Sure girl, sure. Nicole has ruined girls in this game hasn’t she? This is the new standard. What happened to the Janelle archetype? Let’s get back to that brand, please and thank you.

I got nothing else for this one. I can’t even think of anything funny to say about Elena Davies. Wait, here we go… She implies she has no emotions and never cries so she’ll probably be crying when the feeds come on. So to recap, she’ll be crying and Josh will be on the verge of expulsion. We are good to go!

Prediction: Third place goat.

Ranking: 13/16

Cody Nickson

Cody wants to be the first HOH which is exactly what I’d have said about him. What else. He’s not a good liar, he claims. He is also a dad, which is something I did not see coming. I was a little worried about Cody Nickson when I first saw his photo and read his bio (and stalked his Twitter), but he sold me a little after his Jeff interview. He wants nothing to do with integrity when it comes to the Big Brother game, and he likes Evel Dick. Here’s to hoping Cody plays even a little like Evel Dick.

Prediction: Cody will be in a showmance and a five-guy alliance by the time the Live Feeds come on.

Ranking: 8/16

Christmas Abbott

Can we call her Chris? I’m going to call her Chris. OK now that we’ve got that settled, I’m going to say Chris has oversold herself a bit. Anytime someone implies they’re going to be this dominating force (remember “Buckle up, Bitches”?) they usually end up a complete flop.

However, I do think Christmas Abbott might be able to break that streak. She could have what it takes to do well in the game.

Prediction: She will be blanketing in sunglasses within two weeks.

Ranking: 4/16

Jason Dent

A Rodeo clown? Called Whistlenut? What? No. This isn’t real life right? We’ve slipped into a Big Brother Parallel Universe. One where Candy Crush Saga is a new game show and Nicole is the reigning Big Brother champion and … oh wait. I kid I kid. But seriously, Whistlenut? I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.

Aside from the whole clown thing, Jason Dent seems kind of clueless and admits he has never seen the show. So was Robyn Kass at a rodeo in Iowa recently or what? I’ll admit that Jason is sort of entertaining, but he also talks in circles so he will probably be annoying on the feeds.

Prediction: Jason will become a fan favorite or everyone will hate him.

Ranking: 12/16

Jessica Graf

Jessica looks great in a bikini. So there’s that. She wants to be Miss Congeniality… the life of the party, she says. Don’t we all? She also says showmances are the highlight of every BB season for her. But she has decided not to pursue a showmance herself. Jessica Graf also plans to score back-to-back Big Brother wins. Ambitious.

And then she contradicted everything she said before her 5 minutes were up. She’s not going to be in a showmance but later she says she might fall in love because she’s “boy crazy.” Hmm. She’s going to win back-to-back seasons at one point but would rather lose and be loved later. Which is it? Let’s hope this is not how she plays the game.