Big Brother 13 Episode 28: Final Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

September 9, 2011 Matt Hoffman Big Brother, Big Brother 13 331

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his final review of the Big Brother 13 season. It was an incredible opportunity to have him join and entertain us all season. Please be sure to leave a word of thanks, or anger you know if that’s your thing, in the hopes he’ll agree to return next summer for all new Chenbot wardrobe fodder. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Welcome to my Swan Song. Day 69 in the Big Brother house, and the final excerpt in my Season 13 run with Big Brother Network. Chenbot pops on to greet us and send a reminder that Adam won HoH last week by saying, “He can no longer follow the power…he is the power”.

Big Brother 13 Adam He-Man

Cut to the flashback of Kalia’s eviction the previous night where she returns the black queen, but pockets the black forest ham. Adam tells us in the Diary Room that by voting to evict Kalia he is “firmly with the veterans” and that he has chosen his side. Oh yes – you heard that correctly…with 6 days left in a 77-day game, Adam has just now chosen his side.

The next thing we flash back to is Adam’s HoH victory. Which segues into Adam sounding pervy when he talks about him kissing girls’ butts and girls kissing his butt. Which segues into the most obnoxious “WHO WANTS TO SEE MY HoH ROOOOOOOMMMM! ARRRRGHHHHH!!!!” in the history of Big Brother. Adam’s HoH basket is filled with gummy bacon, bacon band-aids, and Tori Spelling’s pinky finger (wrapped in bacon). Rachel said that “if Adam could, he would probably marry bacon”. That would be horrible if for no other reason than having to hear Adam metal-scream about his FE-YON-CÉ!

Adam is on cloud nine while in power as his dreams of “Adam’s Angels” has finally come to fruition. Somewhere back home in Illinois, Keith sheds one lonely envious tear. One by one Adam’s Angels come up to his harem den to plead their case as to why they should remain off the block. Porsche plays the “newbie” angle, Rachel says “obviously” no less than twelve times, and Jordan wastes her time and ends up “FUSS-trated!”

The next day, Adam couldn’t play the “creepy old man” card any more convincingly when he pops into the bedroom to announce, “Hey girls – it’s time for the nomination ceremony”. Rachel ends up being the only one safe from nominations this week (“obviously”), and Adam gives us this ironic gem of a quote:

ADAM: “If you want to be in the final three, you have to earn it!”

He follows that up with, “Porsche and Jordan – I want to see what you are made of!”. I’m guessing silicone and air, respectively, but what do I know?

Between last week’s OTEV clues and this week’s veto competition being titled (overly-appropriately) “Jukebox Veto”, I am certain that the creative team in charge of veto challenges has thrown in the towel on this season as much as I wish I would have. The premise is similar to competitions we’ve seen in the past (shockkkkerrrr!) where you have to match up a set of names that fit a set of clues. For example:

Big Brother 13 episode 28

You get the idea. Each set of names slides down a pole to match the set of clues on either side. Porsche ends up winning by using the exact opposite strategy with her game pieces as she has used with herself…keeping them off the pole as long as possible. Immediately upon Porsche’s victory, Adam (not wasting a millisecond contemplating floating towards the latest person in power) says, “Even though I’ve been working with Jordan and Rachel, it would be kind of good for another newbie to be in the final three, so this might work out for me!”. ADAM POCH FOR ALL-STARS 2!

For the first time in a long time we get to see Rachel do her magical “tear-less crying”. I kind of miss it, actually. This goes on and on right up until the LIVE pre-taped veto ceremony. This ceremony is catered perfectly towards Adam’s season-long “Reign of Mediocrity Terror” because when Porsche uses the veto Rachel is the only one left to go up as a replacement, so Adam is able to continue not having to make a decision on his own.

Right after the veto is used, the eviction ceremony begins. Rachel’s speech is first, and she asks Porsche to use the veto on her, then if she can use the veto on Porsche, then if Porsche will be her best friend, and every question other than “will you please vote to keep me?” Jordan announces that she’s going home, compliments Rachel and Adam, and then says that all she knows about Porsche is that she wears bikinis and hosts competitions. Since that’s all I know about Porsche as well, I can regretfully say that I actually have something in common with Jordan Lloyd.

Jordan gets the boot, and she takes the walk of shame down to Julie Chen for the first time in two seasons of gameplay:

JULIE: How does it feel to be out here right now?

JORDAN: It feels great, Julie! Pretty soon I get to go explain to my verbally abusive and misogynistic boyfriend how I just screwed up our shot at $500,000. I can’t wait to see his reaction!

JULIE: Why do you think Porsche voted you out?

JORDAN: Who’s Porsche?

JULIE: We all saw you suffer as a result of Shelly’s betrayal. Did you learn anything from that experience?

JORDAN: I learned that you can’t trust anyone in here! Even a mom! Who may be a dad!

JULIE: What’s next for you?

JORDAN: First I’m going to do something super cute…probably poop out a rainbow. Then I’m going to play coy, innocent, and oblivious about everyone’s unconditional love for me. And then I’m going to cash my $25,000 “America’s Favorite” check!

Jordan then gets to see her goodbye messages:

PORSCHE: [off to the side] Who? I don’t know who that is. What did you want me to say again? Oh – okay. [into the camera] Gordon – I’m really sad to see you leave. [off to the side] What? Oh. [into the camera] JORDAN – I’m really sad to see you leave.

ADAM: I am SO thankful to you for showing me how to play this game and be another mega-floater with a shot at winning a half-million dollars.

RACHEL: I’m sorry that I couldn’t save us in the final veto. We’ve worked together all summer and become really good friends, and I mean that through the bottom of my heart. You are an amazing person, and I feel like I’ve made a lifelong friend in you….Oh, and also – NOBODY gets between me and MY man, and I don’t want your STUPID vote ANYWAY!

The houseguests walk out into the backyard to begin the first part of the final three-part HoH competition. This one is called “Big Brother Mixer” and (why bother with originality this late in the game) it’s pretty much the same thing as the paint can endurance competition from last season. Basically, the three contestants spin around on the beater of a giant mixer while it churns butter. Big Brother also has some leftover paint cannons from last year’s similar competition, and the fact that firing paint blasts has nothing to do with baking does not stop it from being part of this HoH comp’s distractions.

Julie Chen reads the rules, and after a quick commercial break we come back to find Adam floating face-down and presumably dead in the pool of butter. Who will win the final HoH competition and be crowned the winner of Big Brother 13? Will Adam be resuscitated in time to win his inevitable $50,000? Will Kalia go into a jealous rage when she finds out that she just missed a competition involving hundreds of gallons of butter? Tune in Wednesday at 9:30/8:30 Central to find out!

Thanks to everyone who has followed along with me throughout the season. I’ve read almost all of your comments and am very appreciative of your support, your ridicule, and the opportunity that BBN gave me to contribute to their site. Be good to one another…and – TEAM RACHEL!!!

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by www.TheGremlinCave.com. Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on www.RTVZone.com (@RTVZone).

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331 Comments

  1. Matt, I have so enjoyed your comments and satire. I always looked forward to your thoughts. Best to you and maybe we will see you on BB14!

    • Couldn’t agree more
      Matt, I didn’t like u much on ur season but I just loooooooove ur thoughts and the way u put it, u’ve put lots of smiles and even more tears with ur hilariously funny input
      Hope to see u again next year in here
      Have a great day

  3. Jordan won this game. You didn’t. Get over your hate for her. Then again your buddies with Ragan who was obessed with Rachel.

    • Sounds like you Michael is the one with hate. I don’t see Matt hating on anyone. If you don’t like what he has to say, then don’t read it.

    • Regan was and still is obsessed w Matt! Matt knows it and I think as it should flatter him a bit! :-)

  4. Matt….of all the things I will miss come next week, ur comments and evaluations will be missed the most…. Ever consider pickin up on survivor???? Would love to see ur talent added to another show!!!!! Thanks for all the laughs…YOU ROCK!!!!

    • I agree whole heartedly, would love to see you do the same thing with Survivor, they could use your wit especially when a survivor talks about how great they are and how much smarter they are then the others (only to go home). Survivor needs you. Thanks for the laughs.

  5. I criticized you earlier in the season because you said you were rooting for Brenchel to win. I’m eating my words now, because I’m now hoping for Rachel to win. I like her so much better without Brendon. She better hope that it’s Adam with her in the final two though if she wants to win. As much as Dani hates Rachel, I think she would vote for her over Adam. Not the case with Porsche. Speaking of Porsche, why does she talk so weird in the DR? It drives me mad. And why haven’t you mentioned anything about Porsche velour tracksuits?? Good God, I’m so sick of seeing that gray one she wears constantly!!
    Hope to read your blogs next year!

  6. Matt, I have loved your posts and laughed until my stomach hurts through each and every one. Thanks so much for your input and comic relief during this season. Blessings to you and your family!

    Oh, I agree completely ……Team Rachel!!

  8. I hope that you return to do this again next year!! I loved reading your take on it. Hilarious!

    TEAM RACHEL!! :-)

  9. Thanks Matt for the entertainment weekly! Your updates weekly were so much more interesting than this years show! Maybe CBS will let you replace Julie next year! Would be much more interesting live shows!!ha You had me laughing every post! Best Wishes!!

  10. Matt: Your comments have been the only saving grace in this season. At this point I really don’t care who wins or comes in second. The stupidity shown by everyone of the “guests” is a new low for BB. Hopefully next year will improve without vets & with better players. BB has gone downhill & is picking up speed! Thanks for the laughs!

  11. Thanks Matt for all your hillarity (sp?) this year….I could not stand you last year, purley for the wife sickness thing…and cmon, anyone who says they all that, usually isn’t…and you did not get the 500K so that is all the proof needed (tho Hayden winning still is sadly amazing)…but this blog has brought me to laughing hysterics all year. I had not snorted in my laughter in years, I had not spewed drool while laughing in years, I had not hurled food out of my mouth while laughing in years…..And after watching this cast of “newbies” I needed laughter.

    Of course, I am team Rachel and hope for the best because a “newbie” does not deserve even the $50k but thanks to the horrible play of Danielle one will get a chance sadly.

  12. Matt, see you saved the best for last, clever duck. I won’t miss the show each week but I’ll miss your reviews. I hope one day to meet you in person and shake your hand, ( not the one that was busy last summer) and tell you how much I really enjoyed your writing talents. It has been a genuine pleasure, thanks.

  14. As usual, you are right on the mark! I look forward to your posts and I hope you will come back for Season 14!

  16. For a web developer like my self u sure have a great sense of humor.
    I’m just shocked that you were able to contain not mentioning that u are a Mensa member for a whole season of writing…! (i must admit hearing Mensa non stop last season was mad annoying).
    Good job Matt!

  17. After every bb show i looked for your posts the next day! you are hilarious and i hope you get to do it again next year. plus i hope i get to be on the show next year and you can make fun of me. much love.

    • Nah i cant imagine a all star next season we had a semi all star this season, next season will be a brand new cast

  19. Matt: Rachel rocks and so do you. Your comments are the greatest. You really have a brain on those shoulders and if someone doesn’t recognize it, their missing a good bet. The season was dull but you definitely were not.

  20. Thanks for the many laughs Matt! Your articles are/were the first thing I read every post-BB morning.

  23. Thank you for everything you have contributed to this forum Matt. Hope to see you back here next summer!

  24. Thanks Matt. You always cracked me up. Hope you get another shot at BB yourself! Just don’t make up lies about your family dying…lol.

    GO RACHEL!

  25. TEAM PORSHE!
    By the way MATT this posting was by far the funniest one u have posted all summer! I can hear each voice everytime u mock someone. Haha.

  26. Matt-
    I must say, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts. You’ve literally made me LOL. Didn’t care for you on BB, but you are one hell of a funny guy. Thanks for the laughs!!

  28. Matt. I love reading your articles.
    It is a shame that we won’t get to hear your thoughts on the final outcome though!
    It is like eating a giant sundae and a big bully steals and eats the cherry on top!!!
    Can’t wait until next year!!

  29. MATT! We’ll miss you’re funny, witty ways. Hope to see you back next season with more funny fodder for us! That was too funny about Jordan pooping out a rainbow LOL!! You’ve captured it exactly. And yes, TEAM RACHEL! (never thought I’d be typing that!)

  30. Matt, great read as always. Look forward to it every week. I was rooting for you last year, and actually, it was a shot of you in your footie pajamas on BBAD last year that had me wondering WTH the show was. Apparently I’ve been missing out for years. I got sucked in, though, and have spent 27+ hours (No live feeds for me, I’d never get anything done) a week during BB season since then watching (or wasting time). But back to the real reason for the comment, thanks for the commentary, you say it better than anyone.

  31. You are awesome Matt! I really appreciate your POV! Can’t wait to see you on All-Stars (hopefully).

  32. Matt,

    I wasn’t a fan of you last season (I decided to hate the whole house when you didn’t vote out Rachel immediately, so my Rachel support started early as I wanted her to stay to piss you guys off) but I’m really enjoyed reading your recaps this season. You’re actually super funny! TEAM RACHEL!

  33. PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT NEX TYEARS CASTING IS DONE BETTER THAN THIS YEAR GET SOME ENZO PERSONALITIES AND SOME FIRE,,,AND SOME OLDER PEOPLE MIX IT UP GET A RAGAN,,AND A KEVIN,,AND SOME REAL PEOPLE THESE PEOPLE WERE BIG BABIES,,AND ALSO HAD NO FIRE EX DOMINIC,,AND ,OF COURSE DICK BRING IN FIRE LIKE SEASON 10 AND 11 AND 12 THIRTEEN WAS THE WORSE SEASON EVER

    • Agreed … no need to always have barbie looking, plastic enhanced ladies – how about some real women and men with some good strategic moves. This season was just too predictable, seemingly always favouring the vets – That’s not good entertainment – make it real next year.

  34. Matt I have loved reading your take on BB13 this whole season. I hope you do it again next year. I have been team Brenchel/Rachel since the beginning. I needed a good laugh today after we have major flooding in my town. Thank you again for making this season fun!

  35. Gonna miss your input, Matt! Love the sense of humor you have. What makes things you say even funnier is the ring of truth it has to it.
    Best wishes to you and yours! Good luck in all you do.

  36. My sides hurt so bad from laughing hilarious hope u come back next season and I agree you should be the new host for BB

  37. I hated Rachel last time, but to my surprise I am all team Rachel this year and hope she wins.
    I love your take on Porsche. She sounds like she’s reading (slowly and awkwardly) everything she says. I enjoyed the hooked on phonics joke from a while back and I’m glad someone else noticed.
    I hate the term “newbie” and truly want Posche to head out the door very soon. Go Rachel!

  38. I’m already feeling sad wondering what I’m going to do with the extra 48hrs per week that I have spent on BB! I will certainly miss the posts, comments, and input!

    Thanks to Matt (both of them) Chole, the rest of the team, the fans and everyone else too! It’s been a fun year for BB. Lots of emotions and opinions! LUVS IT!

    Hope to see everyone next year! Especially your commentary Matt! Thanks again!

    • 48 HOURS!?!! That is pathetic. wow. You spent almost 1/3 of every week on this? I’m guessing you are single and have very few friends. Your life is worthless it sounds like.

      • And you’re a jackass. What do you care what she does with her time? And why does it reflect the amount of friends she has? Calling someone’s life “worthless” is pretty uncalled for. Geez.

  39. Matt, I have really enjoyed your comments and analysis this season. I really hope you return next season. I do have to be careful reading it at work, though, because it is soooo funny.

  42. Thank you Matt for entertaining me every week. I have looked forward to your blogs and will miss them, like the person who posted above how about survivor blogs???
    I have been team Rachel from the beginning of season 12 and am so happy to see her almost there. In 2 seasons of mostly mediocrity she has been the most entertaining, its too bad she lets her “bookie” control her the way he does, love is blind “Obvi”.
    Good luck to you in the future and hope you are here next year to entertain with your musings.

  43. Matt, I have enjoyed most of your comments and heckling of the HG. Good job! You taking Julie Chen’s spot would be outstanding. Maybe you could even revive this tired “reality” show. It was obvious from Jordan’s parting comments that she was not in to BB at all. She only did it for Jeff, and at that she hesitated. This season was boring and I am glad it is over. Rachel should win.

  44. I have enjoyed your comments this summer, in fact, you gave made the BB experience worth coming back for more next year. Your dry sense of humor is the best. I never thought that I would say it, but go Team Rachael with an R!

  45. I have looked forward to your “recaps” all season and am sad this is it. I truly hope you’re back next season because BBN is more awesome with you. I didn’t care for you in your season, or Rachel for that matter, but you’ve changed my opinion with your self-deprecating comments. :)

    I never thought I’d say this, but TEAM RACHEL!!

  46. i loved reading these all season, your recaps were almost the best part! other than watching kalia nap and eat… and eat.. and shellman lie her way through another day! hope you continue to do this next season!!

  47. Matt, havent left a comment on these things all year, but I have read every single one. All I have to say, is these recaps have basically rewrote how terrible each episode really was, and in my memory is a replacement version written by Mr. Hoffman. You have made season 13 one of those ones that seem so good in hindsight, you wonder how you missed all the fun up front! Good luck in the offseason, and maybe next year we can have you back for -gasp- 3 a week!?

  48. I’ve really enjoyed reading your blogs this summer, they are hilarious. Hope you do it again next summer.

  49. What Matt, you aren’t going to comment on the finale??? Awwwwwww… Sob! Sob! I have enjoyed your reviews this season. They are so funny! Thanks for doing this.

  50. Matt,
    A HUGE thank you for your wit and sarcasm, which was in most cases was more amusing than the show itself.
    I don’t know what I am going to read on Thursday and Friday mornings now.
    Hope to hear from you again, or better yet, see you on Big Brother All Stars!
    I never thought I would say this, but Go Rachel! She is SO much more tolerable independently.

  51. Thanks Matt for your comments. Made this season enjoyable.
    I can’t believe they only lasted, what, only 30 minutes? Jordan was on those logs for 3 and half hours. Give me a break. These three are so boring. I can’t wait till this is over.

    • I thought the same thing! I would have loved to have seen Rachel and Dani compete against each other in an endurance competition this year (other than the banana, since Dani dropped to give that one to Rachel and didn’t really compete to her full ability). I think both of them would have stayed out there much, much longer.

      • @ mary. Remember adam lasted 22 minutes porsche lasted 44 mins. And rachel was the last one up there. What do you think she is going to hang up there for fun? Trust me rachel would have been up there for hours. Porsche and adam boring? Yes. Rachel? Not so much.

  52. Matt:
    I am laughing so hard my coworkers are looking at me – your comments are always spot on – you write what we are all thinking and wish we could say!! Hilarious, really, please do this again.
    What about Finale night, come on – you gotta put your thoughts on paper for that night – I can only imagine what can transpire – So glad Jordan is gone, nice girl and all, but no gameplay, just floating til the end (almost) like she did when she undeservedly won the $500K

    thanks for the weekly comic relief, it made watching this predictable season, bearable.

  53. Was that butter they were mixing up? I thought it was cake batter, lol. Good thing it wasn’t bacon-flavored or the outcome may have been different – oh wait, maybe it was and that’s why Adam was lying facedown in it.

    I really looked forward to reading your reviews and thank you “from the bottom of my heart” for keeping me entertained during these past weeks. You did a fantastic job and I hope you return next season which hopefully will be either all newbies or all vets (I didn’t like them together – thought the newbies were at a disadvantage when so many of the vets were already fan favs).

    I’m with you when it comes to this year’s winner – GO RACHEL, GO!

    • I could not agree with you more. Matt your posts were so funny that I read them during lunch and my coworkers stare at me from my laughter.

      Also, ditto on Rachel. The other two do not belong in the end. Who only goes 25 minutes (adam) and 39 minutes (porsche) in the final show down.

      Rachel is a strong competitor and it should be her in the end. GO RACHEL!!!

  54. You were the highlight of the season. Great recaps, couldn’t have agreed more with every single one of them! Hope you do this again next season.

  55. It’s a wrap. (wrap Jordo in pink ribbons, wrap Rach in red hair extensions, wrap Adam in bacon, and wrap Porsche in dollar bills)

    I vote for Matt for America’s choice and next show host of a ridiculous Reality Show.

  56. I have LOVED reading this every Thursday/Friday this season. Seriously funny. Can’t wait to read more next year!

  57. Matt, you are so hilarious! I loved you last season and I really hope BBN invites you back to play again! I always look forward to your recaps because they get me laughing! Thanks again!

  58. matt i have never laughed so hard reading all of your recaps. thanks for making the season more enjoyable!

  59. Matt, loved you on your season, and love the witty posts this year. I always look forward to reading what you think. This yer of BB really needed something more interesting. Hopefully next year is better, reluctantly TEAM RACHEL!

  61. You are seriously one of the most witty, irreverant writers I have had the pleasure of experiencing. I will sincerely miss reading your thoughts. You speak the words we are all thinking. Thank you for your hilarity; it was truly appreciated.

  62. I am almost nine months pregnant…uncomfortable, exhausted and miserable…but every time I read your article I laugh out loud! Thanks for the laugh! Friggin’ great!

  63. Matt, enjoyed all of your comments. It’s like you were reading my mind. You stated what most of the rest of us were thinking. Loved that you were fair in dishing on all the houseguests. Hope that you can come back next year. It just wouldn’t be the same without you.

  64. Thanks for the commentary! Accurate, funny, and seriously helped with having to watch Kalia, Jordan and Adam this season.

  65. Hi Matt
    You are still so funny even after 16 years.. I will continue to miss you and your blog.. Please get involved in some sort of public thing so I can keep track of you..

    BFF
    Matty

  66. Matt what a pleasure it has been reading your recaps. They are truly funny and spot on accurate. Come on you have to recap the finale. It would be awesome to read your perspective. I am as well TEAM RACHEL!!! I hope she pulls off winning the final HOH. Matt you did a fabulous job and I’m hoping you do one more post on the finale. BBN make it happen, please!

  67. Thanks, Matt. I appreciate your wicked humor and witticisms.

    I hope to read more from you in the future.

    Dan

    PS Glad you’re on board with TEAM RACHEL and Jordan winning America’s player vote!!

  68. PPS I appreciate your astute observations regarding the spelling of Rachel’s name with — of all strange letters — an “R”; I’m sure Mr.Pectacular is still pondering that one.

  69. Thanks so much for the weekly recaps..wish you were doing a precap for the finale. Like a ceremony of the burning of Porsche’s pink velour sweatsuit for example. I hope next year you’re back! GO Rachael

  70. I enjoyed your articles I like your humor I actually found that you were funny on your season but maybe I like weird humor I found Jeff quite amusing

  71. Thank you so much for being our BB informate this year.Your take on the HG’S was spot on,and i really enjoyed your take on all the action.I hope that you will be doing this again next season for BBN.Are you going to be able to give us any heads up on final HOH? I hope so! I want Rachel to win this year.And hopefully Jeff will win AC award.Thanks again for your input on the show.

  73. Woot! What a season of wonderfully insulting comments from Matt. Hope they bring you back again next year your comments keep me from smashing my t.v in a fit of rage after each and every bb episode( I destroy a lot of televisions on sundays oops). We all love hearing you’re recaps and look forward to hearing from you next year!!! :)

  74. Matt, thank you so much for your clever and extremely funny posts every week. You are a talented writer. I think BB should hire you as a creative consultant so the HOH and Veto comps. wont be so boring. Your recaps were more interesting than the BB season. Thanks again. I hope you are here next summer. You should start blogging on a daily basis on current events…you would be awesome!!!!!

  75. Matt- Thank you so much for this season. I love reading your blogs, and I love that you-much like South Park- are an equal opprotunity offender. Way to rip on everyone in the funniest of moments. Please come back to BBN next summer!!!!

    And Team RACHEL Too!!!!!!

  77. I’ve never left a comment on here before but I feel I should……LOVED your recaps this season thanks so much Matt. I really hope you will be back next year:)

  79. Matt, your ever witty & outrageously funny recaps have been the best highlight of each week & I’ll miss hearing your take on finale night. Truly pathetic that the biggest endurance comp of the season was OVER in 39 minutes…doubt if Chenbot had even made it off the parking lot b4 getting word. Can’t wait to hear Red’s pithy rremarks for her non- opponents. If she doesn’t bag the win, this will be the suckiest season ever. GOOO RED!
    Thanks again for the laughs…hope to see you next season!

  80. You are hilarious and you definitely need to do this every season. Thanks for sharing your awesome thoughts!

  81. Great job Matt! I loved you last year! Missed u this year! You r a shoe in for All Stars! Team Rachel?? She had me until last night with all the hypocritical talk about how JeJo was never in an alliance with her…….. Remember when we all thought her golden key to P was a waste for her? Let’s see?? Thx for the laughs – you are a great writer.

  82. Have really enjoyed your reviews. Wish I could see HG’s reactions when they read them. Most won’t get your humor. Please return next season.

  83. Thanks Matt! You’ve made everything even greater!
    I hope it’s not the last time that we all see your thoughts around here!
    And GO TEAM RACHEL!

  84. Just wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading your blogs this season. They have never failed to make me laugh out loud! Hope you’ll be back next year, that is, if you aren’t in the BB house…..

  85. This is my first time commenting on one of your recaps for BBN (I’m also one of your Twitter followers – the4leafclover. Just sayin’) — I simply just want to say thanks for the laughs:
    Your wit, humor, euphemisms, candor and intellect are matched by few others.

    Looking forwrad to hearing more from you next season.

    Peace & happiness to you and yours.
    ~Jo

  86. Matt, I actually liked you during your season. I found you very entertaining (loved your pj’s) lol and found the bragade alliance very funny. I wish you had gone further and they had not turned on you as you were the one who did all the work winning the comps for them. Of course that put a target on you and it was clear sailing for them.

    I have not liked the concept of BB13 from the beginning. Newbies against Vets never seemed fair from the beginning. The twists were so predictable and I hope next season is much better.

    Reading your comments have been the most enjoyable part of this season. I hope you are back next year, and would love to see you play again in an All Star setting. I would have enjoyed seeing R play in an All Star setting as well to show us if she could win against some of the best. The only reason she is there is because a newbie chose her at the end. Yes she had to win the veto comp. when the duos were brought back for one week, but when she needed to win this last big one she did not and of course Jordan didn’t either. P picking R was no surprise.

    Wish you all the best and have a great time at the wedding. Should be a good one after R receives her $500,000.

  88. I really wish that you could do a final wrap up of the season for us after the finale. You would have Sooo much material to choose from. The speeches the final 2 make, the speeches the losers in the loser lounge have to the final 2. Jeff telling them to call the police because these people stole my money!! The list is endless.

    • I have been mourning the loss of the recaps on the loser speeches. If he can make a dry Chenbot interview so freaking funny I can’t even imagine how funny his versions of the loser speeches would have been!

      PLEASE come back and give us an encore!

  89. Matt, it has been great reading your posts all season. It is the only thing I will miss about Big Brother 13. Hope you are back next year to share your wisdom, humor, and insight.

  90. Thank you for all your comments. I loved reading all you wrote even if I didn’t agree. You are witty and hysterical. I hope you will do this again next season…Question for ya..Why do you think they do not air the wrap party. I’m not sure how it works but I would love to see one.

  91. Matt- thank you for joinging us on BBN this summer, you deffinatly made it more enjoyable. I along with everyone else would love for you to come back for the next season of Big Brother.

    Lets all hope its better then this summers, and more of a SHOCKER. They should deffinatly let us fans put in some ideas for games and what we want to see!

    Heres to an end of another fun, stressful summer! lol

  92. Love reading your recaps every week, hilarious and right on Thanks for taking the time to lighten up the season Team Rachel all the way, but Porsh gotta go, she’s a nasty girl

  93. This season has been pretty unlikeable/predictable/boring/mediocre but the one bright spot has been this blog. I just remember seasons 6, 8, and 12- they were all so good – and can only hope that the next season will be better. And hopefully we will see 14 NEW faces for BB14.

  94. AS always…HILARIOUS! I have loved your comments every week…hope you are back next year.

    Go Rachel!

  95. Yes, I will say u really chapped my ass last year with ur wife lie, but damn ur writing skills are impressive and hopefully have been able to land u a great job. I really just skimmed through all others blogs, but I had to follow my wife around in the mornings while she got ready for work just so I could read urs to her verbatim! Ur pretty damned funny and quite accurate. Thx for the pleasure!

  96. Matt – – if someone doesn’t pick you up for SNL they are losing out. Your satires are hilarious. I just wish I could see you in Rachel’s hair extensions when you do her part.

    too funny. Thanks!

  97. Thanks Matt you were great this season. Hope to see you next season.

    I think Rachel just might win this season. Besides how else are they going to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. But we all know bossy Ba-Rendon is only going to let her spend 15K of her own money. He will be controlling that pot of gold. Also Danni deserves to be voted America’s best player.

  98. Thank you so much Matt for your two cents worth all season. I am in agreement with the others that hope that we hear from you in regards to which of the houseguests wins, and also a play by play next summer as well. In any case, good luck to you in your future endeavors, and again, thanks for the laughs this summer :)

  99. Matt,
    you are a tool…this is why you didn’t win and why you are directly equal(almost) to Shelly for being one of the worst HG in BB history..congrats

  102. nothing left to say but…thanks Matt!! enjoyed every sarcastic comment – a man after my own heart!

  103. Matt – I LOVED your blogs! Can’t wait till you go back to the BB house. I have liked Rachel since last year – everybody wondered why. i finally figured it out. She reminds me of LUCY!

  105. Matt-Thanks for every laugh out loud comment! Like you, I went from hating Rachel to actually liking her this year…having written that, I feel like I’m just as crazy as she is!!! Still don’t like the neander-tal though. One question, who do you you want to or think will win?

  106. Matt, you were a disgrace to the game by lieing about your wife having a terminal illness just to further yourself in the game, I’m surprised people have forgotten about that so easy, I find it disgusting the amount of people that bad mouth Jordan, in the state the whole world is right now, someone who is so nice gets trashed constantly, first off all of you losers who are sitting at home wasting your time watching people inside a house 24/7, you need to wake up, you have no right to say one bad comment about anyone, and if adam does win, he clearly did something right or he wouldn’t of made final 2, you people are such morons and only bad mouth people for doing well, shows what kind of society the world has turned into, you should all be disgusted with you, that you let a show like big brother bring out the worst, and matt your just a pig, get a life buddy

      • really? AMEN to name calling? are you to related? cause I never thought there would be someone agreeing to that smack! seriously people.

      • Matt: you need to get “Fred and Dawn” to play Big Brother..with their no lying policy…you will know everything they are doing and win this game…If your wife did not have a problem with your story i don’t know why people keep bringing this up…:))..PS ..your not a pig…:))

        Thank you for your blogs ..i really enjoyed them…

      • @Fred you just pointed out that YOU are everything that you hate .Try again, and be nicer this time!

      • @Fred- Exactly, why r you here on this blog then ?? You just accused Matt of what you are doing rite now. It’s called a sense of humor which u obviously don’t have. Why even go to the Big Brother blog if your not watching it ? Accusing others of being losers because of the type of show we watch. Why should that be any of your business anyway ? Actually u should b disgusted with yourself for calling us names who u don’t even know.
        You kinda of sound sour grapes to me. Matt has a life, just because it’s not what u think it shod b, it’s still HIS life !

      • actually @Amy, if someone does something that sickens me, and quite frankly should sicken alot of other people, then sure, they deserve some harsh words, my point being “amy” follow along sweetheart, is that bad mouthing people like jordan, adam, and well really whoever just for playing a game is quite pathetic, why does anyone think we care about there opinion, and sure including me? its just funny to see you people get fired up over big brother lol

    • Yes, Fred, it was a bad move, making up an illness. I certainly don’t agree with that in any way, shape or form. I also agree with you about the Jordan bashing. People don’t think you’re playing a game if you’re not bashing others or stabbing them in the back. The world could use MANY more Jordans, fo’ sho’!

      • Then our National symbol would be “Hello Kitty” and our political decisions would be made in hair salons.

        Oh, I mean, oh, what do I mean, Oh never mind, Jeff please answer this for me…. Yeah, nice, that’s all you need folks. Just a bunch of niceness.

      • @Fred Jr- oh you must b referring to when she cursed out Shelly for her behavior. But I guess that was ok because it was Jordan. And let me guess what u will say next, Shelly provoked her and she deserved it. Your a joke !

    • Good God people – it’s a GAME! Was it a little tacky… yeah – maybe, but at the end of the day, it’s still a GAME. Pull your heads out already…

      • I would like to make a point here if I may:

        A. It’s Interesting that a guy would criticize people like this:
        “first off all of you losers who are sitting at home wasting your time watching people inside a house 24/7, you need to wake up” ……….not only takes the time to write it on a fan forum BUT ALSO knows who the players are. Interesting….

        Pot calling the kettle? I see you held no punches on your comments!

        2ndly – Please note the Key Word “PLAYERS” as in it’s A GAME – if being nice and honest was all it took to win BB I think we would be watching CHURCH being broadcasted and Keith would have had a better chance.

        It’s a GAME SHOW. I AGREE with KELLI on the positioning of your head, Fred.

        Also, Fred, if you are such a Jordan fan (hard to know since ur not a looser who watches the show, or spends time on fan forums, right?) then you would know that the social aspect (or trickery of the mind) is a huge part of the GAME. It was a game move that he used, like it or not.

        And considering the state of the world (since for some reason you find that relevant) it’s good to have a guilty pleasure like watching garbles battle it out to win money ON A GAME SHOW.

        Seems like a FANTASTIC waste of time to me oh and about 5million other people too.

      • Makes you wonder if Fred is lonely, and coming on here to bash the millions of us who faithfully watch the show is his only way to sleep at night.

      • @nadine7601, wow are you serious, you just cooked up that novel and literally did not reflect on any points that I just made, I was not bad mouthing every fan, I said its sickening to come onto a forum such as this, and all you see is peoples negativity to other people when there are bigger issues in the world then BIG BROTHER! tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of one of the most tragic things in the united states, and people are more concerned on who wins big brother. And you all just basically proved my point, that you are all negative, I do watch the show, never said i didnt, maybe you should learn to read a little better, I said its sad when people spend there time watching the LIVE FEEDS 24/7, then posting there negative comments, rarely on this forum is there a positive comment. and if you retards would look at your comments back to me, your all completely missing the point, haha and the state of the world? how i find that relevant? are you serious right now? wow you must live in the gutter that big brother is the most important thing in your life, i feel sorry for you

      • @OilCountryGirl, Once again, follow along sweetheart, I was not bashing millions of fans, I said the ones that find it satisfying to throw their negativity around constantly on these forums, I watch the show, and have nothing against people that watch it, its just the amount of trash talking from people, and then people get it back, and then look at you, im lonely? you just read through 4 pages of comments on a friday night at 9 oclock, must have an exciting life. realistically I was trying to get a rise out of people, and it worked. people like you take it to heart, like get over it.

      • My point was simple, people are negative about anything and everything these days, and when someone posts a comment such as I, those same people have a shit fit, realistically I didn’t even mind matt to be honest, I just get disgusted in peoples bad mouthing of players playing a game such a big brother, maybe if its an actual sport, or something that matters, but I mean big brother, if thats what we’re most worried about on a daily basis, were in some deep shit people. and OCG, stop being a holyer then now person, we don’t need you commenting on everyons post with a piece of your own advice, just go shove it

    • Ouch Fred, glad you don’t call people names? Sarcastic people really can be humorous. All these rules people sprew out I can’t figure out what the heck people are talking about. Every man for himself to win. It is not church okay it is about trying to win 500,000.

    • So he lied about his wife having a terminal illness….he still didn’t win. Not like he got rewarded for it =P Love ya Matt!

      • Not rewarded? He’s getting paid here more than likely, pushing his website and probably a few more things.

        Give your head a shake.

      • @db
        He didn’t get rewarded $500,000 for a lie. If he is being paid for this, he is being paid to entertain the hell out of those of us that actually enjoy his writing… totally different!

      • OilCountryGirl, it’s not different at all. Matt wasn’t rewarded with the 500 large, but he was rewarded with the notoriety and media buzz that kept him in the public eye and led to a blog and this gig. So he ends up being rewarded for scumbaggery.

      • @ledbob
        I don’t agree with the lie he told.. However, did you ever stop and think that maybe people actually liked him and thought he was a funny addition to the show, and that maybe that is what has landed him this spot. Too many people focus on the lie (which again I am not saying I agreed with, he shouldn’t have done it) but the past is the past.. move on.

  107. Thanks for the recap. I loved the Gordon line. It does amaze me that both Jordan and Portia don’t seem to know each other at all. Portia admitted to being intimidated by Jeff, so maybe she was also intimidated by Jordan? I hope Portia washes her hair for the finale!

    • Whatever= I hope she washes all over and wears something besides that long pink skirt if that is indeed a skirt.

    • Matt isn’t Matty. The real Matty is currently doing time for selling Oxycontin, I believe. Ha!

      • It’s ok to say stuff like this about Matt, but he is a horrible person for jokingly bashing Jordan… You are ridiculous…

    • @Marc, Hero? Really? Wow makes me wonder in your mind what the firefighters from 9-11 were to you? Cant put the two in same catergory, I think here maybe your using your sarcasm right? Lets believe calling Matty your hero, you really meant to say your Zero!

      • Not serious really, just hero gets thrown around loosely, I guess with 9-11 coming closer alittle more serious I guess, just know some firefighters thats all, no big deal and your right too serious for this Blog, sorry :(

      • Kathy- sometimes the word hero is used too loosely, agree, but then why come to a blog with humor where ur gonna pick words to pull apart. Sry about the firefighters u know, genuinely, but this blog is about BB

  112. “we come back to find Adam floating face-down and presumably dead in the pool of butter.”

    @ work crying and covering my mouth to keep from ROTFL. HILARIOUS!

  113. Loved reading your comentary Matt. Hope to see you next season again. Your wit and sarchasm definitally put a spin on what was happening in the house. Thanks again.

  114. Matt, I have to admit I was not a fan of you when you were on BB12, as I was rooting for Rachel, but you are one hilarious guy! Thanks for making me laugh! Hope you are here next season!

  115. Hey, Matt,

    I’ve totally enjoyed reading your recaps this season. You’ve definitely been very entertaining! Thanks!!

    Rosie

  116. Good job on the recaps. Have to agree they are often more humorous than the actual show this year, but that’s not saying too much is it?

    Enjoy.

      • She is not that great of a competitor. She is a terrible sport. She gloats when she wins and she weeps when she loses. She is simply a terrible person and should go back to hooking for a living.

  118. Didn’t see your season – wish I had. You are HILARIOUS – omg i have tears runing down my face form laughing so hard. Dear lord you nailed it.

      • @Fred Jr.
        If you have a problem with Matt, why do you read this? AND even more, why do you leave a comment…

      • Fred= get over it already!! IT’S A GAME!!!! GAME!!!!! OMG PEOPLE.

        I LOVED YOUR RECAPS MATT!! COME BACK PLEASE. WISH WE HAD A BB IN CANADA!!

      • @OilCountryGirl, what makes you think I read the column? Did I say I read it? I leave comments because it is free to do so. Why do YOU leave comments asking why someone else leaves comments? Isn’t that more absurd than merely leaving an original comment? Please go to bed and think about these things. I’m only here to help.

      • I agree LJ! A Canadian BB would be fun to see, even just once… hey there’s an idea for BB14… throw in some Canadians (maybe one from each province..) :)

      • @LJ, Get over what already? I’m over it and have been over it. It is just a game, I understand that. I just think there are certain moral lines you don’t cross, such as using your wife to fake an illness to gain sympathy.

      • @Fred Jr.
        Oh, so you are one of those people that likes to go onto columns and just bash people… without actually reading the column you are commenting on. Got it, makes total sense… Thanks for clearing that up, I will sleep better knowing that you are just trying to help me understand the logic.

      • @OilCountryGirl, at what point did I bash anyone? Did I call Matt a bad name? No. Did I call YOU a bad name? Nope. All I said was that if he’d have watched Matt’s season he may not like him. That’s it. Couldn’t that possibly be true, OCG? I actually DID read the column. He is a funny dude, but when he bashes on people for their gameplay it brings to mind HIS gameplay. Under-comprende?

      • @Fred Jr.
        I apologize. Reading back, I realized my anger was towards Fred… not you. I apparently blocked out the Jr in my mind and associated the two. This was my bad, you are right, you haven’t actually bashed anyone.
        With that, I do want to say that I watched Matt’s season, and I loved him, not the lie, but he was entertaining.

  119. They should give you a permanent contract to do BB commentaries….these are hilarious – AND accurate!!!

  120. don’t get where that was funny. only thing that made me laugh was wishing i was there to see him talking out of his ass. he sounded as dumb as he looks.. now thats funny.

    • Agree Pam ^, everyone saying how funny Matt’s comments were, not as funny as one would think after reading all these comments, like rofl, tears rolling down my face, did think they were all that. Just saying

  121. Thanks, Matt. Good recaps. I am rooting for Rachel for the win. I never liked Porsche. Adam may not be able to endure the last HOH comp.

  122. You are just about the only one who can let me watch Big Brother in the true spirit of the game: and object of ridicule. Thanks so much for your comments on Chenbot. What would she do if she had to report something really bad; especially one that was unscripted?

  123. Matt you are a very funny guy. You would make a good comedian. Do you even plan on being back in the BB house. I hope they have an all vets or newbies season next year. Maybe that way there will not be ass much complaining about floaters.

  124. Thanks for the reviews, Matt. They were pretty entertaining, so I guess you’re better at reviewing big brother than at playing it (zzzzzzzing!)

  125. i love you matt!!!! you have made this wack ass season so enjoyable with your blogs. had me laughing everytime. hope you get to blog again next season. and bring back the gremlin cave! thanks!!!!! :)

  128. Hahahahahaha… wow – sad to say I haven’t been following your articles Matt, because this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. The “pooping out a rainbow” actually made me laugh out loud at work :). Your assessment couldn’t be any more on point, on all counts. And even though Rachael annoys the *#%! out of me, she is the only one left that actually deserves to win. Thanks for the laughs!

  129. Matt,
    I loved you on BB12 and the lie you told about your wife was just part of your game, so I am not sure why people make such a big deal about it – I thought it was really smart game play. It has become obvious that people forget BB is only a GAME. I think you are funny on your blogs, however, I still think you are jealous of Jeff and still do not understand why. You are not even close to Jeff’s league – you are a gremlin, Jeff is a Prince…..just sayin’

  130. I dont understand what all the praise for Jeff is. I’m not saying I hate him; he seems like a fun/funny guy, one I’d definitely have a drink with at a bar, and he did invent one catchy jingle…

    “Cruddy’s got a chubby in his pants, doing the dance.”

    But the dude is such a hothead. He talks about Rachel and her emotions and taking the game too personally, yet look what he’s doing with Shelly.

    He’s pissed about what Shelly did because of their deal, but in s11 (dont know if anyone remembers) but he did the same thing to Russel who he had a final 4 with. Russel reacted in a similiar way to Jeff now, and Jeff back then was like “dude you have to admit it was a good move.”

    Take your own advice buddy! Look I hate Shelly for her lies and being an instigator (spreading lies about Rachel etc) but she has a point there—sticking with Jeff would not have gotten her any money.

    No truer words were spoken when Shelly told Jordan she’s bad because she’s not playing Jeff’s game anymore. JeJo expected their minions to carry them to the final 2, and got pissed when JeJo realized they arent playing with idiots.

    • I don’t think he is that mad about her getting him out, but that she has to keep lying about it. Watch again and you may see what I mean. Why she is doing this. She is either delusional about what she is saying or delusional about winning America’s favorite player, being America’s favorite mom in the show already. I hope the latter. Many have that delusion. The first is frightening. She should have been excluded on a psych exam. She also may be playing to her daughter, in which case, Jeff shut up.

  131. Thank you so much, Matt, for letting me enjoy this season even more. I looked forward to Wednesdays.

  133. Matt, Now that we are at the end, how different do you think things would have turned out had ED stayed to play? CBS must have been counting on him for color and drama because with the exception of Rachel the gang was dang boring. Thoughts???

  134. WOW! Three pages worth of comments Matt’s ego will be sleeping very nicely tonight. Love the blogs man keep doing your thing Matt.

  135. Matt,
    I think I looked forward to your comments than the actual show. Your hilarious!! You were a fan of mine, hope you get to return to the show again. This year was pitiful!!!!

  136. Thanks Matt – you have a knack for writing great blogs. Hope you got paid? Well if I could I would vote you for Americas Favorite this year! Take care

  137. Loved your comments this year! I wish you had commented on how many stupid decisions Porche has made… Most recently, keeping the red. Hate Adam, loser, weak, floater. Hate Rachel, insecure, beeotch! Out!

  140. matt, you would be awesome for an allstars 2.. just don’t lie about a family member being sick to help your game.. lol

  141. Matt, the only thing entertaining from this season was your reviews on this website. Thanks for the many laughs and I hope you will return next year! :)

  142. Matt,
    Every one of your articles I’ve read has made me laugh! I love your observations & the puns,sarcasm & twists you put on everything! I especially like your digs at Kalia & Shelley (sorry girls!) I hope you write again next season! :)

  143. Team Rachel… She deserves it her back was up against the wall and saves herself many times… Shes awesome and has won more Comps than Adam and Porsche … P deserves to be in the final 3 or atleast 2 bc most of this cast sucked… But Rachel all the way…. Your posts were great this season and would love to see u on BB allstars should be the next BB:) thanks for all your entertainment

  146. Again everyone writes you shouldn’t do this or that to win. Then there is always the reason you shouldn’t have the 500,000. Exactly what is the best answer to why you should win? How about because I could use the money. Getting sympathy for your wifes illness was just another game move to get sympathy. Just saying Jordan seems to be a very nice person. However on her season she told Jeff that she didn’t know a quarter of ten ment. Are you kidding me what elementary school did she go to? Jeff thinks it cute. Yikes Matt I think you have been awesome. If Rachel wins can that assure us she won’t come back again if so let her have it.

  147. Hey Matt, found your comments in this post amusing, but lets face it the whole kissing Adams butt thing and pleading their case was manufactured by Production for the TV show. Everyone knows, especially contestants that HOH is a free pass and the veto holder has the power. I would like to know if Adam threw this so he didn’t have to make the decision and could add to his list of BB achievements: Throwing a competition to your advantage. The whole flustered Jordan thing didn’t make sense. They discussed her going up already. She was just flubbing her lines.

  148. Matt, you are a hoot… Hope to see you on an all stars version, if not, will hope to see you blogging on subsequent BB seasons… Too bad your real alliance wasn’t with BR+R, last year (BRenchel + Ragan). Not sure if you really are in Mensa, and I wish your wife continued good health. Gonna miss you… (Maybe you could do a similar blog for Survivor???)

  149. Bye Matt, I am a fan of yours from BB12 and continue to follow you whenever I can. Really enjoyed your coverage of BB13 and your sense of humor. Best of Luck to you in the coming year and also to your wife.

    I am rooting for Rachel for the win.

  150. You are a very funny writer Matt! Why did you say Jeff was abusive to Jordan though? I think he is extremely patient, loving & supportive to her. You also made a crack at his lack of PDA with her. Actually, PDA is something that Jordan is uncomfortable with. It was an issue she revealed during their 1st season. Jeff wanted more, but once again he respected her needs & fears. I think Jeff’s been a great boyfriend to Jordan. Other than that single issue, I agree with all of your other observations. I too hope that Rachel wins the big prize because she is the only one left that deserves it!

    • Seriously. What “loving and supportive” boyfriend doesn’t call his girlfriend stupid (repeatedly)and tell her to shut up (repeatedly)?

    • fabio wish I was a loser with a half mil ln my back pocket. And if she was what you say how did she make the fiale four?

    • This is funny cause you misspelled the word “loser”. :)
      And Rachel is the only one among the three left who deserves to win.
      Porsche started to play the game too late and Adam still hasn’t started yet.

      • Ariel, right you are my friend and

        Fabio….Jordan was graceful in her final day and exit..she knew she was going home and expected it because she knew she had not done much to contribute/win the game….it was classy…

      • Porsche is a snot eating, zit picking, drink poisoner, and suggested killing an unborn baby not to mention a liar. Oh yes, PORSCHE is someone to look up to: NOT!!!! Jordan has class and grace and kindness and beauty; Porsche is a low class evil human being who does not even deserve to be on the show.

  154. Thank you Matt for keeping everyone up to date on the happenings in BB13. I for one appreciated it, even though you are for Team Rachael(not sure if I can take much more of her). Hope you do this again next year!

    • No matter what Pam says about team Rachel, my team, she is still right on about keeping BB fans up to date!! I too am looking forward to your comments next year! Keep up the good work!!

  155. Matt, Thank you so much for putting into words exactly what I was thinking each week. The only difference is, you’re way funnier! I was glad you ‘gave’ it to everyone in the house, and didn’t pick on just one or two of the HG’s. Hope to hear you next summer! Thanks

  156. Have enjoyed your blogs all season Matt. I am a new fan of BB just started watching after a friend who is a rabid fan urged me too. I’m just puzzled beyond words that Jordan actually won BB two years ago.Yes she is cute, kind, and nice etc. Did she actually win comps. in her previous season? Just wondering. Hope to see u blogging again for BB14!

  157. porshe is not the best player in the house. she won a few comp”s. then she sleep an her but got bigger. Rachael is the best player in the house now! By far! GO RACHAEL!

  158. Hey Matt!

    The powers that be made a great choice when they picked you to do these recaps. Your commentary has kept us updated with all the spoilers and updates while keeping us laughing with your irreverent and on right on target humor.

    Hope you come back next summer, and that you have a great year between now and then. Until then, may your life be filled with, as they say on the BB announcements “expect the unexpected” moments!

    Adios!

  159. I would like to see Rachel in the final 2….wonder who she thinks she can beat? Porsche or Adam

  161. You are awesome Matt! I’m really going to miss your writings you crack me up just like you did on BB! Peace dude

    • Oh YEAH! Porsche for the WIN!!! If Porsche wins final HOH then she deserves to win!!! Here is just a thought for all of the Porsche haters out there saying she did nothing but win a few comps:

      1) She had a golden key for the first 4 evictions (including Evil Dick) and did not compete during that time!

      2) She got 2nd in a bunch of competitions before winning the POV to evict Jeff and the following HOH! Plus she won the final POV which kept her in the house for the final 3!

      3) If you haters still are not convinced then even look at it this way! If Porsche was such a crappy player then how did she make it this far in the game? For everyone saying that she ate and slept the first 55 days, you are all just proving my point! Porsche was able to get to the same spot as Rachel (Final 3) but didn’t have to do as much work and get as much blood on her hands!

      Porsche played a solid game and deserves to win it all!!! GO PORSCHE!!!

      P.S. Anyone who disses Porsche just continues to further prove my point so go ahead and freak out Jordan and Rachel fans! LOL!!!

      • Also, Thanks for the blogs Matt! Can’t believe you are team Rachel though! That will probably knock your IQ down a few points right there! Just kidding!

        Gremlin Cave and Dick at Night rule!!!

      • What Posche deserves is a swift kick out of the BB door, and nothing more. She is a disgusting human whose game play even sucked. She rode on Dani’s coattails and sat around and eat and slept all day. Nothing about Porsche is deserving of anything but everyone’s disgust and contempt. GO RACHEL!!!!!!!!

      • YOu just proved every ones Point !!!
        & by the way are you her MOM cuz uumm then I would understand…
        P.s.Moms always have to cheer for there kids…
        Just Say’in !!!
        Crazy out~

      • You could also argue that Jordan came in second in a bunch of comps. In BB, second still makes u a loser.

        U could also argue that Porsche is playing the same game Jordan did in season 11.

        Team Rachel!!

        Porsche just has a bad heart if u watch the feeds.

      • Porche gets a free ride for the first four weeks. Then teams up with Dani and Cowlia!! That’s team playing??? Sounds like team losing to me!! Sorry Porsche you have to leave BB wiht no $$$$.

      • Here is my reply to the above.
        1) the vets gave her the golden key, she didnt win it.
        2) so she won some comps, so did Rachel, Kalia, Dani, etc what the point of this one?
        3)she made it this far because Rachel/Brendon, Jeff and Jordan, Dani and Kalia. they kept her safe. thinking that they would be in the finals with her and that the jury would vote for them over Porsche.
        Good game play? where? social play? none that I saw, oh yeah I forgot Rachel bashing, and putting Fiber? in the shake mixture.which she sould of been penalized for.
        $) finally after 55 days she wins comps? why? because J/B/D are no longer in the comps.
        am I a Porsche hater? no, I dont hate any of them. I just dont want her to win, but I dont hate her. I just dont feel she deserves to be there. Do I feel Adam deserves to be there? no he doesnt either. he just woke up and smelled the Bacon! LOL! last week and won HOH. I hope that Rachel wins BB13 of the 3 she has played the best game.
        by watching the live feeds and Sho2 anyone can see who should win BB13. and I am not dissen? anyone! and I wont freak out! just saying!!!!

      • Did you really watch this seaon, Porsche fan? Are you on her payroll, or her mom, as Crazycool said? WoW! I have to wonder about your character if you are her fan. Have you threatened to kick any pregnant women lately? Have you been spiking people’s food with stuff that may cause them to get sick? If you have, then I totally understand your enjoyment of Porsche! Are you also a fan of fava beans and chianti?

      • Of course I watched this season! Wow you fans of Rachel over analyze everything!!! You guys would do anything she told you to! Live your own life, Rachel is not the only thing in the world you know! Though maybe for you it might be I don’t know! And no I am not related to Porsche in any way, I just respect her gameplay and don’t obsess over the little things she did wrong to the other hg’s which they have long forgotten about themselves! Rachel fans are like her little minions! If something bad happens to Rachel then it was a bad move by the hg who said or did something to her! Get real! Anyways I hope you guys have fun drooling over Rachel while I move on with my life after the finale on Wednesday! And remember it’s just a game, don’t take things so seriously!!! Bet most of you still will anyway though! SHOCKER!!! LOL!!!

  164. Thanks for the blogs Matt, they were entertaining, hilarious and at times pretty brutal! I hope to be reading your thoughts on the game next season also. Team Rachel all the way! This is her season for sure!

  165. Thanks for all the blog entries, Matt. Or, shall I say, diabolical super genius? Just kidding, but I have enjoyed reading your blog entries almost as much as I enjoyed watching your season. Thanks again; funny, funny stuff!

  167. Man! Why am i discovering this blog only now!! It was so funny, Nobody gets between me and my man! Made me laugh. And I actually agree with most of what i said here. I hope Dani wins the favourite, she deserves it, If Gordan or Jeff win then something is seriously wrong with america. I dont know who I want to win, Porshe kind of wins by Default cuz i liked her alliance, But does she really deserve it? Rachel was a bitch to everyone yeah entertaining as hell but she’s hasnt really learned anything since her season and the last. And adam a…who?

  168. This was my first time reading one of your blogs and boy am I bummed I didn’t check these out earlier! Great stuff! I hope you come back next year so I can start from the begining. At this point I have no choice but to agree: Go Rachel!

  169. Thanks Matt for the smiles. I was not necessarily a Rach fan and certainly not a Bren fan, but seeing how she has played the game (espcially since B left) I feel she deserves the win. P has been rude, mean and undeserving..Adam, well what can one say…he has been flying so low under the radar…and the whole metalica thing just makes me want to hurl…grow up and grow a pair…oops being mean now. sorry. Rach is the only one I feel should win at this point. Matt H and Matt BBN and to all the bloggers on this site…..it has been a blast!
    Cheers my friends……

  170. Thanks for making this season so great! My family and I have cried crocodile tears of laughter twice a week, thanks to your blogs. We look forward to reading you as much as the shows….maybe more. Please write again next season…please!!

    Still lovin’ ya after all these years. :-)

  172. OMG Matt I am not even half way through your Blog and I am cracking up !!! Your the best at writing about the game Keep it up!!!
    O~ya and get better guest on your show the last ones sucked .I didn’t get what the Hype was about you in your season but I am starting to get it, so better late then never right.
    Good luck Matt tell your wife Ragan i said Hi maybe some time we can all get that way togedda!LOL~
    CRAZY OUT~~

  174. I always hate it when Big Brother ends, and this year I am going to double-hate it because I won’t be able to read and laugh at your blog. Please do it again next year! Big Brother, please ask Matt to do this again next year! Oh, but you need a twist. Video blog?

  175. Matt!?!?! Why can’t you comment after the finale? It won’t seem right to end things without your hysterical take on what happens. How will we get closure? Haha! as new parents, on “baby lock down” 95% of the time my husband and I love your writing. It gives us something to laugh about while we are suffering through sleep deprivation at 4am. Please think about writing a final FINAL wrap up!!! Go Rachel!!!

  176. I still think you were robbed…and I also think you may be my long lost evil identical twin…wait, maybe I’m the evil twin–and, I’m a girl. Darn, there goes that theory.

  178. Matt, your blogs were great! I loved you on Big Brother; and I loved your blogs this season. I hope you are back on here next season. Thanks!

  179. Encore! Encore! Encore!

    I can only hope that you and “the powers that be” see all of these comments and realize that you MUST do one last recap after they announce the winner.

    If you don’t, we will all find ourselves even more disappointed than we are when they announce the winner of this season.

    Thank you for all the laughs. My abs hate you for all the pain the laughing has caused, but I can’t thank you enough for cheering me up every Thursday and Friday.

    I am going to start keeping an eye on http://www.thegremlincave.com to see what you are up to and see if you can continue to make me laugh. (Dance monkey, Dance!!!)

  181. “diabolical super genius” Matt,Thank you for your blog this season,it was soooo funny and insightful! Please do this again next year!!

  182. Matt! Your blog was the highlight of the season!! I think I will miss it more than the actual show! :)
    Hope you come back next year!!

  183. VOTE FOR JORDAN TO WIN AMERICA’S CHOICE! Her gracious, humble eviction and exit interview said it all! Class act all the way! Thank you, Jordan, for setting an example of grace under precious. People like you, one in a million!

    GO, GO, GO RACHEL! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! YOU SO DESERVE TO WIN THIS SEASON! You came back to redeem your reputation of last season, and you accomplished your goal! Win that half million dollars so you and Bren-don can have the wedding of your dreams, and so you can help Brendon in his pursuit of A phd. What a worthy cause. Praying for you and keeping my fingers crossed. WIN! WIN! WIN!

    CBS AND BIG BROTHER PRODUCTION: PENALIZE PORSCHE FOR HER VERY BAD BEHAVIOR IN THE HOUSE! Her actions surpassed the gamesmanship backstabbing, lying in order to win characteristics of Big Brother. Adding things to people’s food without their knowledge is downright dirty, underhanded behavior. Could have caused severe digestion problems. Threatening to kick a woman you suspect is pregnant in the stomach,(whether or not true) unbelievably offensive and anti-social. No excuse for allowing someone like that to remain in the house. If she had physically attacked somebody you would have evicted her. If she had behaved like Chima and not followed production directions, you would have kicked her out. I believe messing around with people’s food should be against all moral and production regulations. I will not stop until the season is over. I hope I see some action or at least acknowledge my request to penalize her. I know I’m just one fan, but I’ve been watching since the first episode.

    As a social experiment, the show is fascinating to watch. As entertainment, it wouldn’t have been on for 12 years. Please don’t devalue its purpose by allowing such abhorrent behavior to go unpunished. Who knows what somebody might try in the future if you don’t penalized the behavior of this season?

  184. Sorry if I sound like I’m self rightous and on a soap box, but if I were in that BB house, and I was unaware somebody had put stuff in my food, I would expect others who knew about it to stand up and protest. You have to draw a line in the sand between right and wrong. That line is vague and thin in the BB house. But enough is enough. CBS is responsible for these people’s safety. It’s not safe to have people who could cause others disruptions in their digestive system around. Their already on slop half the time! Add benefiber to that mix, and you could have serious health issues. Not something to be ignored and overlooked! Porsche should be fined and penalized in some way.

    • I agree with you 100%. she should of had something done. this season was the worst I have ever seen in all 13 seasons. I have watched all of them and I have never seen grown woman act as bad as Shelly, Dani, Kalia, and Porsche. I hope they are ashamed of themselves when thye watch all of the episodes. but then again I doubt if they will. they could care less. I hope their families say something to them. but it could be how they were raised. I have to give Rachel kudos because if I was in that house and those girls treated me that way s*** would of hit the fan. just saying. she handled it great. last yr she would of flipped out but she matured this yr and I am proud of her for not doing anything. just shows class…I was a Rachel fan last yr and this yr too. I hope Rachel can win BB13 but I would take Adam for 1st place if not. Porsche should of been gone along time ago. I love BB abd will continue to watch no matter what.. I just hope BB14 will be either All Stars, or a decent cast of HG. and hopefully they will revise the game some and have new and different kinds of comps/vetos.. Matt love ya for all the updates. hope u come back next yr. I followed ur site for a few. and hav read all ur stuff keep up the good work. see ya! GO TEAM RACHEL!!!!!!!!!

  185. Matt – I’ve sat silently laughing at my desk, at home, in PTA meetings, in bars, while reading your reviews. You are fckin hilarious, thanks for many smiles! -amy

  186. Thanks for a great season Matt! I actually enjoyed reading your blog more than watching this season. You made this season (almost) watchable haha. Hope you come back next season, it would be awesome to watch you play in BB All-Stars :)

    Porsche FTW!

  187. Great job on the blogs all season, Matt, they were amazing. Know that I wasted 10 bucks last season trying to get you the America’s favorite prize. Rock on!

  188. Very funny! Read your articles all summer and I have to say the comment about crawling over Kathy in the glaze made me laugh until I had tears. Real tears, not Rachel tears. Well done.

  189. Most of us have complained about Rachal jumping brendon, and her butt hanging out (which noone wants to see)… but when Jorden does not jump Jeff comments are also made… I just want to say how much i respect Jordon as a person for not haveing PDA on national television.

  190. Thanks Matt for all the updates. It was great following your blog. Hope to follow you again next year.

  193. I hope Porsche wins the next two parts of the last HOH competition. If she is smart she should chose Adam to stay and kicked Rachel out. Rachel has been sooooooo irritating on this season of BB. Truthfully both season she was irking. Porsche should win 1/2 a million and Adam 50,000-. Vote Daniele for Americas Player and award her 25,000-.

  194. Matt, have loved your comments. Read your articles each day, will miss that. You ROCK, hope you come back next year. TEAM RACHEL!!!!

  195. Matt,
    Every once in a while your recaps are funny, sometimes even almost accurate in a twisted and cynical kind of way. I get that humor, since it’s the same approach I enjoy to use. I must say this was the WORST recap so far! You keep bashing the females in the game, while just portraying the men as not worthy of the show. Remind me again how well you did last season, in your own screwed up mentality. Where’s your hag of a wife and did you ever buy her a Zeno for the acne she had? Team Rachel? You are a traitor! Adam is more of a man than you are, or ever will be. Tired of being a 90 pound weakling? BEEFCAKE, BEEFCAKE!

  196. I can’t believe i’m actually sayng this, but I regretfully have to say that Rachel is now my favorite contestant in the house ::shutter::

  197. I do love jj and sad to see them go and I hope Rachel wins and knocks out porche if she is smart. I have to say though bb13 will go down as the WORST bb ever. I have never seen players make so many dumb moves from opening pandor’s box that late in the game to putting a member of your own alliance up I am glad this season is over

  198. Matt, Matt,Matt – I’d much rather see you back in the house next season (especially if it’s an All Stars) than writing a blog….but if that is not to be, I sincerely hope you’re back here again. “I’m not gonna lie” – the highlight of BB13 for me has been these blogs, which are far more entertaining than the season was this year.

  199. Thanks Matt for your susper blogs. You gave me some laffs on some of my most annoying days! :) Look forward to seeing you back next season.
    And congrats to CBS: BigBro has done very well in the ratings. And, I do hope one of the newbies wins.

  200. Matt, you are hilarious. You need to be writing somewhere all the time. You came up with the best strategy for Big Brother and then showed how the smartest people can screw up big time. You need your own TV show….love ya!

  201. Matt–as a long-time fan of BB, having your blog has been a hilarious treat this season. Hope to see you on board next summer, you added a special love/hate/sarcastic touch that was perfect for this odd Season 13. Too bad Evil Dick left, I would have loved to have read your humor…..keep up the good work, enjoyed immensely!

  203. Hey Matt will you be posting the winner of the second round? By the way love your commentary on here it soooo funny!

  204. I can say you have made me laugh…. so much in the short time I started reading your comments :) love it!!!! do it next year see you then I hope :)

  205. Love the commentary, and you are awesome! I hope to see you on big brother all stars with Rachel because Brendon sucks:)

  207. my hubby and i was talking about this 3 part hoh…he makes a good point…who wins the first part automatics go to final 2..and who ever wins the second part should go to final 2 ..why give the person that didnot win any parts a chance to make it to the end…think about!!!!!they already proved they are a loser!!!!

  208. I always looked forward to your next update. Hope BBN paid you well for a fantastic job.
    I’m for team Rachel. I have always liked her. She puts up a false front and has a lot of people fooled. It’s all entertainment folks!! Even matt and jordon saw the real rachel. Again matt…thanks for a great season

  211. Hi Matt, this is the first season I’ve watched Big Brother, and I just caught your blog today, and no I’m not Adam, ha. Your a clever writer, maybe you could write a childerns book, ha. Thanks for the awkward and funny blog. * Andrea*

  212. Matty!!! HILARIOUS!!! Please come back next season! Absolutely enjoyed your blogs all season long. Take care!

  215. I vote anyone to win but Rachel….I could not stand to watch her this season….what a cry baby, and besides cbs has allowed jury to be in the vets favor…wrong

  216. That was awesome, Matt! I almost spit out my coffee while reading the Jordan/Chenbot interview. Your BBN blog has been one of the few highlights of this otherwise “FUSS-tratingly” boring season. Hope to see you back next time around!

  217. Matt;
    Hope you will return for BB 14. Even though I swear “I won’t watch another stupid season”….I know I’ll be sucked in again! (Unless Porsche wins…then I’m really out) You’ve been one of the highlights of the season. Very Funny!

    Go Rachel !!

  221. Matt, throurghly enjoyed your sarcastic comments all season — some were a little mean but still funny.
    I missed not reading your final thoughts on the win. Would have liked to have known your thoughts.

    Sue

  222. You make my day, please never stop. You keep it so real about every houseguest, coach, or return player in every season. Love it.

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