Big Brother 13 Episode 25: Thoughts From Former HG Matt Hoffman

September 2, 2011 Matt Hoffman Big Brother, Big Brother 13 180

Matt Hoffman (BB12) returns with his review of the latest Big Brother episode. You’ll find him here at BBN each Thursday & Friday all season. Read Matt’s past articles.

Matt Hoffman Big Brother 12

Another eviction night is upon us. Adam is up on the block yet again, this time with Shelly as the victim of his “eternal pawn” game. Adam’s strategy? – to “start kissing some veteran butt”. Yeah, why start changing things up now?…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Jordan and Rachel (the self-dubbed and unflatteringly-named “Jochel”) hop into the Big Brother diary room together where Rachel attempts to teach Jordan how to be ultra obnoxious too. Bless her heart, Jordan tries – but she just can’t pull it off as effortlessly as our Vegas vixen. In reference to Pandora’s Box dictating the events of this week, Porsche tells us in the diary room that a trained monkey could’ve filled her reign as HoH. I’ve seen trained monkeys do some pretty amazing things. The question is, could Lawon have pulled off HoH duties this week? I truly believe that, even as ruler of the Big Brother house, he would’ve somehow gotten himself evicted.

Next up we’re treated to what is probably my second favorite segment of the entire season (coming in just narrowly behind Rachel in the bushes). Shelly closes herself off in the purple room for three hours while production screws with her by toying with the fortune teller machine. The fact that both of the veterans are already safe should’ve been enough of a clue that there’s no more twists this week. If Shelly decided she was going to waste her time trying to make inanimate objects come to life, she should’ve fiddled with Adam before the veto competition. I also can’t pass up the opportunity to point out the humor in the fact that no one even came to check on Shelly in that entire three-hour time span! Must’ve been feeding time in the house.

Just when Shelly is about to give up, the fortune teller machine starts moving around and spits this out…

Big Brother 13 episode 25 Zoltar speaks

…so Shelly goes outside to talk to Rachel. But it doesn’t work out so well, however, since all of the “Brendon” has nearly detoxified from Rachel’s system, thus making her a rational, intellectual, and adept player who can see clearly through Shelly’s B.S. As a last ditch effort, Shelly offers her precious one-of-a-kind “past, present, and future ring” to Rachel in exchange for safety. In response to this gesture, Rachel says exactly what we’re all thinking – “I’m not gonna take your ring, lady! I don’t want your stupid ring!” Better luck next time, Frodo.

Big Brother 13 episode 25 LotR

But the last laugh goes to…well, us again. Because even though Shelly thinks she’s pulled one over on Rachel (which she most certainly has not) by offering her a ring that was fake, we get to scrape another tally mark up on Shelly’s chalkboard of hypocrisy as she lies her way out the door tonight. At least she’s finally owning up to her deviousness, and for that I will give her credit. Too little too late, though, sister.

Tonight is another live night, so we get to hear Julie talk with all the houseguests:

JULIE: Jordan – you found yourself partnered with Rachel this week. What’s that been like?

JORDAN: Well, Julie – it’s pretty much just like being partnered with Jeff. Except with less verbal abuse and a greater risk of disease.

JULIE: Kalia – what was your first thought when you heard that Porsche opened up Pandora’s Box?

KALIA: I was mostly worried that the refrigerator would be locked as a punishment.

JULIE: Shelly – what has been the most difficult part of this week?

SHELLY: Without a doubt…You need to make game moves in this house…Without a doubt…You know, hurting Jordan…Without a doubt…Playing the game is different than being outside the house…Without a doubt…hurting hearts…I’m a wife…And a mother…Without a doubt…Yeah, that was the hardest part this week.

[confused looks all around]

JULIE: Oooookay…Adam – you’ve been the only man in the house for a week now. What’s the best part about living with all these women?

ADAM: MORE BACON FOR ADAM! ADAM LIKE BACON! GIRLS NO LIKE BACON! LOTS OF YUMMY BACON FOR ADAM TO EAT!

Julie then takes us to our first glimpse of Jury House. Brendon kicks off the segment by talking about picking oranges, studying, playing one-on-none ping pong, and all the enjoyable things he’s been doing by himself. It’s not long before Daniele shows up to ruin all of Brendon’s lonely fun. And here’s a “shockkkkerrrrrr” for you…Daniele complains! This time about being backdoored. Which she wasn’t, since she had a fair shot to compete in the veto and save herself. Moments later, Jeff walks through the doors to join them. We get to hear Daniele complain some more and spout her annoying catch phrase “shockkkkerrrrrr” for the seventh time. I wish someone would “shock her”. With some jumper cables and a high voltage battery.

The losers all sit around to watch themselves get kicked out of the game. Jeff tries to top Dani’s “shockkkkerrrrrr” count with “clown shoe”, and I think he comes pretty close. Brendon makes fun of Porsche for saying that not using the veto is “what Daniele would’ve wanted.” Hey, Brendon, you delusional hypocrite – let me take you on a magical journey back in time to roughly a year ago when you made your replacement nomination based solely on a message left in pretzels from your then-girlfriend. And please allow me to just cut off all the people who are itching to make a brilliant comment below about how “bitter” I am and how I “sucked anyway”. I assure you that I am absolutely not bitter in the least. Just stating the facts. (but I did suck anyway…touché on that one)

Back on live television, Julie talks to Porsche in the HoH room and then it’s time for nomination speeches. Shelly’s up first and spends her entire time sucking on the teats of “Jochel” and emphasizing very clearly that she is with them 100% if they vote to keep her. Kalia is clearly dumbfounded at the forthright speech that basically implies that Shelly will be going after her and Porsche if she stays. Keep all of this in mind, as it’s relevant to Kalia’s stupidity in just a moment. Adam’s speech is as useless as he his, but it doesn’t matter since no one would ever vote him out anyway. Do you think he knows that? Maybe he’s a super-genius and is playing everyone! Or maybe he’s just a big dumb oaf. My money’s on the latter.

It’s time to vote! Remember when I told you about Shelly’s speech just a minute ago? (if you don’t, please stop reading now…and also, don’t breed) Well some little voice in Kalia’s head (or maybe a rumbling in her stomach) told her that she should vote to evict Adam! What?! Shelly just got done telling you that there was no way she would be anything other than completely loyal to Jordan and Rachel! Thankfully Rachel and Jordan have some common sense (that’s the first and last time you’ll ever hear me admit to that, by the way), and they end up voting out Shelly. While Shelly gets set up for her exit interview with Julie and we’re “eavesdropping on the houseguests”, Adam is walking around growling and grunting. I have nothing witty to say about this other than to point it out in case you missed it, because it’s worth going back and checking out. Super weird.

During Shelly’s exit interview with Julie, Shelly gets asked what went wrong. When she explains that the reason she’s been evicted is because she tried to make a power move turning on Jeff and Jordan, Julie obsesses on the fact that Shelly made the move “so early in the game”. I thought I misheard her say that, but then she repeated the same thing two more times. Hey, Chenbot – get with the program. Shelly just turned on Jeff and Jordan last week, and there’s less than two weeks left in the game! How long was she supposed to wait to pull off this operation? Finale night? Maybe at the wrap party?

As Shelly heads off to Jury House, the houseguests gear up for the next HoH competition called “Rollin’ In The Dough”. The rules of the competition are simple. The contestants must dive into the sticky donut glaze, crawl over Kathy from Season 12, grab a donut, and then head back through the glaze and over Kathy to put their donut on a stick. The person with the most donuts after 13-minutes is the new Head of Household. Julie gives the “ready, set, go!”, and everyone flies into the pool of donut glaze.

While the competition is going on, Julie comes back to tell us about next week’s schedule. On Sunday we get our first “Celebrity Pandora’s Box”. What Z-list actor is launching a new CBS show that needs promotion?…tune in to find out! Then on Wednesday is a special live eviction episode. And Thursday we get to see part 1 of the final 3-part HoH competition. As tonight’s episode ends, we “eavesdrop on the houseguests” to check in on their progress. With the credits rolling we see what appears to be Rachel in the lead, Adam a close second, Jordan riding a distant third, and Kalia on the other side of the glaze pool eating all the donuts.

Matt Hoffman
For more of Matt Hoffman’s ramblings follow him on Twitter @HeadOfHoffhold and stop by www.TheGremlinCave.com. Also, be sure to check out Matt’s video recaps of the Big Brother season on www.RTVZone.com (@RTVZone).

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179 Comments

  2. Truely wish one year they would play the game like they do in Britain, where the House guests are not allowed to talk game with one another, it would be interesting

  3. Would like it if they played the game how it is played in Britain, where the contestants are not allowed to talk game or strategies, would make it interesting…….just saying

    • Production ruins this game every year. They keep who they want and change the rules to get the results they want.

  5. Matt, you make such a good point about Julie and a lot of people saying that Shelly turned on Jeff too early in the game. I’m with you, if not last week, when should she have done it, after she wasnt chosen as one of the final 2 because JJ decided to take each other- LOL.

    • But before Jeff was evicted, weren’t there still 8 people in the house? I can kind of see what Julie meant.

    • Shelly didn’t do herself in with the vote to evict Jeff. She did herself in with all the bullsh** trying to keep Dani (because she got caught) I still say had she not done that she could have voted Jeff out (which was the right game more for her) and blamed it on Adam. There is no doubt in mind that Jordon would have believed her.
      Hey did anyone notice that Shelly said to Julie in her exit interview “once Dani & Jeff were gone” I couldn’t believe it Hey Shelly had u gotten your way Dani wouldn’t be gone!!

      • Agreed. If Shelly hadn’t made it so obvious that she was working so hard to keep Dani (and if she had voted to evict Dani), she could have easily voted to evict Jeff and blamed it on Adam. Until the big blowout, Jordan trusted Shelly way more than she trusted Adam. Shelly’s mistake was being too out-in-the-open about her plans; she should have kept things more under wraps.

    • If Shelly waited much longer, she would have come in 3rd or 4th if she was lucky. I guess people just wanted her to hand to game to J&J.

      • But going with Team Dani wasn’t going to get her better than 3rd or 4th. It was a lateral move.

    • Julie doesn’t know what she is talking about.

      But what i am saying is that Shelly would still be in the house right now if she hadn’t of turned on jeff

  6. Thanks again for my morning chuckle. Your views and comments make this season so much better and I look forward to each one. If you ever write a book, I’ll buy it!!!
    One request, can you do this for Survivor, too?
    Have a great Labor day, everyone.

  10. I am rooting for Rachel. She is the only one (other than maybe Kalia) who deserves to win. Anyone else agree?

    • NO she does not! She is a crying, whining, nearly pregnant on live TV, looser. She has absolutely NO life outside of this show. How can anyone be happy after all the fake crying and BS we have had to put up with this year.

      • fugly Judas was so annoying last night. obnoxious much? Can’t wait to see cowlia/porkche evicted. that’ll show fugly how “awesome” her “alliance” is. and fyi to her, karma also got her, not only Jeff. and ShellHE. As Matt has mentioned on his post, somebody “shock HER” already with a jumper/HV battery.

      • The funniest thing I heard Dani say was telling Jeff “no I was going to protect you” Yeh right. DANI you are in the jury house!!! You can stop playing the game now!!!

      • No way, Rachel is a spoiled brat who hides in bushes like a 3 year old if she loses. Sorry but the only one left who deserves it is Jordan! And Jordan is in a perfect position now, if she makes it to final 2 with Rachel, they may as well skip the voting and hand her the check. NOBODY but Brendon would want to see Rachel win that money.

        P.S. – @looser, did you just correct someone’s grammar while starting you’re sentence with “yo”? Wow….

    • Really K? K made hands down the dumbest move in this game (L’s eviction)!!!! Can’t believe Dani couldn’t talk her out of that one.

    • I agree, she’s one of the people that have done anything. The other two are Posche and Kalia, as much as people on here hate them, they’ve played the game.

      The two players that have done nothing but be loyal is Adam and Jordan. This isn’t life, it’s a game and lying is part of it, so why are people getting so annoyed with it this season.

      Jordan or Rachael will win because production has helped them, so it’s almost impossible that 1 of them won’t be there in the 2 and their friends are in the jury. Plus, Jeff and Brendan might yell at them if the others don’t vote for them.

      I don’t want Rachael to win, but she is more deserving than Jordan and Adam.

      • The only reason I said ‘maybe Kalia’ is because she has consistently been winning HOH’s. But yes, her dumping her own alliance member Lawon was dumb.

      • Being loyal, throwing comps, etc.
        are stategies just like winning comps and backstabbing. You might not like that type of game play but it is game play. By the way I have heard alot of moaning about floaters making it to the end of past seasons(evidence that it can work!!)

      • I agree 100%. If neither Kalia nor Porsche win, I’m hoping Rachel pulls it off – 3 HoH wins in 1 season is impressive

  11. If anyone wants to see Jordon lip reading a teleprompter in the DR room (just to show it is scripted) watch the opening DR session with both Rachael and Jordon. During Rachael’s last comment section you can see Jordon’s eyes tracking back and forth and see her lips reading the words as Rachael speaks them. Totally busted on fake reality.

    Who cares anyway, production wanted Rachael and Jordon to stay longer and they got what they wanted. to bad for anyone who actually wanted someone new to win this year.

    So nice it’s college football time again, so I can forget about this show.

      • some people also move their lips along with what other say. It’s how they process things. Haven’t you ever talked to someone that moves their lips to the words you’re saying?

      • Yes Ashley I’ve seen people like that but those type people also watch your lips as you talk. Their eyes don’t move back and forth while they’re moving their lips. People do that when they are reading it.

  14. Shelly did show class in her exit interview. She was very appreciative of her chance to play. She was not crying or complaining about other players. I think she will get Americas vote this year.

  16. I was not going to comment, but, I couldn’t help myself. I realize getting angry at you Matt won’t get my point across so I will try a different approach. I read you and Rachael are friends outside the house and she has spent time with you and your sidekick Ragan (UGH). I would think as her friend you would not bash her the way you do. I would not want friends like the 2 of you. The bashing is not making you look better this season. If anything, people are looking at you thinking “really dude, your game sucked so bad. You told people your WIFE was dying of some disease!” You called yourself a diabolical super genius(choking on the genius part).
    I am sure that most people asked about your season voted you the least liked player. I know this makes you all warm inside, but trust me it was not a kind remark.
    I think Rachael deserves to win. I liked her last year and even more this year. She out of most everyone besides Brendon have fought to keep themselves in the game. Cudos to her. She may not act like everyone thinks she should but let those of us cast stones in glass houses etc.
    Jordan is just plain likable. She has an innocence that we could all learn from. It seems that in BB that is counted as being dumb or stupid. I think it makes you and others look like bullies and more stupid than you think she is.
    Kalia, well I am not going to bad mouth her. I feel she plays her game her way. I don’t care for the comments she, Porche, or Dani have said all season regarding Rachael, Jordan and others.
    Adam, by far my favorite in newbies. I will go far to say if Rachael doesn’t win I am rooting for him.
    Porche, Shelly uggghhh. Don’t care for either one.
    One last thought. If you are going to report on the going on’s in BB at least take the personal jabs out if you want people to take you serious.

    • @Stacey, Honey, Matt is friends with Rachel in the real world. This is all satir and cynical comedy. None of it is meant to be taken personally. It’s all to be funny. Lighten up a bit. :-)

    • I agree with you.. Rachel is actually in my opinion the winner in terms of hands down game play. Whether she will last that long, only time will tell. Plus she seems much better without Brendan. He seemed to pull the fire out of her – and not she is finally fired up and has her head in the game.

      With regards to Matt’s post, I think you have to shrug it off as his wry sense of humor.

    • Really?? Are you kidding me ?? lighten up will you!! Matt’s commenatary and personal jabs are entertaining and hilarious, and you must enjoy them as well , or you wouldn’t have commented – what a ding dong? really?? are you kidding me?? LOL

    • Wow Stacy
      Matt’s sarcasm and jabs are what make this article different than any other Big Brother synopsis. His writing style has been like this since article one so if it upsets you so much, I suggest you stop reading something you take so personally.
      You saying ‘Porche, Shelly uggghhh. Don’t care for either one’ is no more constructive than what you are accusing Matt of.
      You should likely stick to Full House recaps if you can’t handle this.

    • Also Stacy – Matt was one of the most liked houseguests as he didn’t bore us to tears like some of your favourites (ie. Adam and Jordan) do every episode this year

    • Oh Stacy, Stacy, Stacy ?????
      get a life will you – have you noticed how many other posted comments find Matt’s synopsis offensive ZERO!! you’re a dying minority…watch the episodes, watch the players and you’ll understand, Jordan, Adam, BORRINGGG – I could care less what comps they’ve wond thus far, the only reason they’re still in it – is because the expertise is to kiss butt. get it. laugh a little will you.

  17. Love your comments, Matt! Since when is lying to everyone in sight a power move? No fake tears with Julie! Also, didn’t Shelly deceive Cassie also from day one? Yes, she did!

    • Shelly was deceiving everyone. The funny part was she really thought she could deceive the viewers as well.
      I believe if she had been upfront in the DR about her game play. Everyone would have been rooting for her. As evidence by public reaction to Russell H in survivor. She could have won America’s fav player.

    • Lying is a power move when you can keep track of the lies or spin them in a way to confuse those who think they know what you said or don’t care to consider you a threat!

      Everyone is that House makes a promise (read alliance) to carry others forward with them. Every one of those promises is tainted with a poison pill. That poison is the bitter dose known as, “If it is going to significantly damage my game, you’re expendable!”

      Rachel told Shelly she had played the game the best. For the first time this season, Rachel was right! (She may have thought she was blowing smoke up Shelly’s ass, but she was correct about game.) Shelly did not win a single competition of any kind. None were even thrown to her like Adam’s POV in the cornhole debacle, where he still doesn’t know he was granted the win. Shelly played everyone in the House to the point they knew they were being played, but it was done so well they didn’t worry about it. Shelly even got votes changed in her lobbying. She screwed with their thought processes and made them question what they were seeing/planning in the game. She went to both the newbies and the vets and gathered then redistributed information. Some of the redistribution was disinformation. It was all done very well! It was game. It was better than anyone else has done!

      No wins. Plenty of game. 6th place. Better than many favorites, Better than seasoned veterans who thought they had it made in the shade.

      • I think R was sincere with what she was telling S. I also think R was on to her very early in the game. S may have known that, hince all the trash talking about R. If S was honest in the DR we would know.

  18. I just can’t watch the show anymore if there’s the faintest chance that Jordon will undeservingly win again. I’ll just have to check your update for the results instead.

    I believe that Grodner actually loves Jeff but since he’s out of the game, the next best thing she can do is give it to Jordon.

    • Before the season started, AG picked Judas to win. Even with AG’s help, Judas couldn’t do it. I bet AG about had a cow when Judas went after her own alliance!!! GO BIG RED! WIN IT FOR BOOKIE!

      • Wayne, you have hands down the funniest comments on this board!

        BTW, I have to agree with Matt on the whiny nature of Danielle. Very irritating. Stop whining in jury house – the game is over for you!!

  19. Matt can you answer this seems no one else can. Last weeks veto comp, if SA would’ve won they could not use it because if they did there would be no replacement nom. HOH saved KP. This helped only RJ which BB knew. SA could not in a million years win that comp. This adds up to a good old fixing

    • It could have helped everyone if s/a won then they would have been safe if p/k won then they had the chance to get rach or jordon out so it was there to help each pair in different ways

      • NO if SA would have won and wanted to use it JR would come off the block, SA are safe KP are saved because they are HOH, so whose the replacement. No one because BB knew SA could not win that comp in a million years

      • If S/A would have won the veto and decided to use it on R/J… Then S/A would have gone on the block. That was the stipulation… So S/A would have never used it.

  20. Are we going to have to be subjected to Dani saying *shocker!* every single time someone enters the jury house? ugh

  21. I honestly think that these reality shows should be more regulated. Since there is a cash prize, place them in the category of game show – those are highly regulated. For example, there would be a post-show interview of all contestants to see if there was tampering by production. Also, all of the “twists” that are planned for the season would have to be submitted before the show proceeds – no more last minute “Jeff de grace” anymore.

    • I agree “Lisa Dee” The public should know about the twists before hand to prevent production from messing with the game. The contestants could be kept in the dark about the twists to keep the shock factor in the game. That would keep it fair and make it a real game.

  23. Well done as usual Matt.
    I love the Kalia remarks, they’re kinda mean.. But true.
    Also, when’s Adam gonna actually play this game?

  24. I’m glad this season is almost over. What waste of a time slot. Matt at least your season was fun to watch even if two floaters ended up in the finals. This season ruined BB for me. I’m going to avoid the rest of the season like it’s a plague. I doubt I’ll even watch next year. It’s not a real game anymore. Production ruined the game. I’ll be glad when “Survivor” comes on.

  25. it would b great if: P & K on the block, A wins veto and uses it, R has to put up J–Jordan is evicted!! SHOCKER~

    • Its kind of funny that u think Adam could win veto. lol and plus we all no he float to whoever is in power. lol

  26. i quote: ”We get to hear Daniele complain some more and spout her annoying catch phrase “shockkkkerrrrrr” for the seventh time. I wish someone would “shock her”. With some jumper cables and a high voltage battery. ”

    this comment killed me, can’t stop laughing and still, u are just hilariously funny :-)

  27. Hilarious as always!

    What is up with Porche by the way? Is she completely unable to speak in the DR or with Julie without reading from or sounding like she’s reading from a cue card?

  28. Well its not like Jeff was on the block with Adam or kalia, she voted out a strong competitor that she had an alliance with and kept a strong competitor that disliked her.

  29. Again Matt, just great stuff. I laughing for 5 minutes about the HGs crawling over Kathy in the HOH competition.

  30. Very funny Matt.
    It was great to see Dani again, even though she didn’t win she surely left her mark in and out of the house..See you next all-star season Dani.
    Brendon was very pleasant but can’t say the same for Golden Boy who was still a bitter loser .

  31. Matt, I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading what you have to say each week! You make me laugh reading your point of view about every weeks game moves! And I mean “laugh” in a good way, as I truely enjoy you point of view! You crack me up, just as you did on Season 12 & the lie’s you told about Stacey being sick! You do have a “sick” humor, but I totally get it & enjoy it! I hope you will be recaping next season too! That is “if” there is a *next* season! Anyways…. Thanks for the giggles! :)

  32. @thewitchisdead…What’s up with all the personal attacks on the contestants you don’t like. You act like Rachel and Jordan are perfect. If you don’t like what appears to be 2/3 of the people on the show, why watch the show? Especially, why make hateful comments on a message board about the show? I hate seeing all the immature comments on this site.
    @everyone else…I think Rachel has given herself a huge chance at victory due to this HoH. I felt had she not won she’d be in an awful position this week. And lo and behold she won.

    • dudan is that you? tsk. If you’re sick of the “hateful” comments go to another site. don’t single out a poster when the others comments are far worse. and FYI, while you’re at it, why don’t you “lecture” the BR/JJ haters as well. And what “hateful” comment did I say about the BB show — did I say it was rigged like so many others? I said this before and I’ll say it again, the HGs are fair game. better learn how to read properly before getting all righteous. And just so you know, I’m not violating any rules on this site. I’m not antagonizing any posters. If you can’t handle the comments, leave. simple as that. Nobody’s forcing you to read the comments.

      • I’m not saying you’re not allowed to post or anything like that, I’m just saying TRY to not leave such hateful comments. There’s no reason to be like that. It’s just a TV show, man. Sorry for singling you out, I just noticed there were quite a few tasteless comments from you. I just think it’s a little immature.

      • Again, if you feel like getting all righteous and feel like lecturing people, read through all the comments. Mine is nowhere as hateful or as “tasteless” (this is very subjective btw so again, if you don’t like the comment, SKIP it, don’t LECTURE) as the others. especially the BR/JJ haters. I don’t remember lecturing the BR/JJ haters who call BR/JJ DUMB, SLUT, ZOMBIE, etc. Just stop already. There’s enough of you on this site crying “so many immature comments”. Don’t like the comment, SKIP IT. That’s what I do. TRY it. And if you still feel like lecturing, read the first 20 comments on this blog.

      • Honestly, sorry. I didn’t think you’d get so angry. I just felt some of your comments were a little immature. I know other people do it, too. I just saw quite a few coming from you. I’m not trying to “get all righteous.” I just think it’s a little ridiculous when people seem to get so personal and hateful about people on a reality TV show. Nothing personal.

      • Nothing personal? You calling me out on something that is nowhere as mean as the other comments is nothing personal? I’d say by you doing that (calling out another poster — who wasn’t antagonizing other posters — because the post simply didn’t fit in your so-called ‘morals’) is really immature and tasteless. see? Tasteless and immature, very subjective. I find a lot of the comments that I read here immature and tasteless as well. I don’t go around calling them out. and FYI, that’s why there are villains and heroes on (reality) TV, and people who watch tend to get “passionate” about the people they hate or like. There is no reason for you calling out another poster just because it doesn’t fit what you believe in. Just drop it– ie: stop justifying your ‘singling me out’. It’s done. If you want to insist that you only did it because it was ‘tasteless’, then call out all the others as well. Or is cowlia/porkche/fugly dani more tasteless than calling them pig/fat ass/judas, or caling jordan/rachel dumb and slut? Double standard much.

      • It has NOTHING to do with who I like on the show. I actually like all of the current contestants. I just hate seeing people make personal attacks and as such I thought I’d call someone out on it. I say nothing personal because I don’t care who you like on re show and I’m not trying to make a personal jab at you. I just saw over a series of comments that you said Shelly looks like man, Kalia is fat, and others. Had you said Jordan is dumb, etc I’d feel the same way. I specifically called you out because, although not as harsh as others, you did it numerous times. It’s not like you had an accidental angry comment. You just seem to dislike a lot about this show and I just don’t understand the personal attacks about
        the contestants. So don’t go saying I’m the tastelss one because I’m calling you out on your obviously tasteless comments. I’m leaving in a little so I won’t be able to comment back again. I know you’ll probably personally attack me again but it doesn’t matter as I won’t see it. Goodbye, my immature friend.

    • Like Mac said….when it’s down to this point in the game…..I would rather have PoV than HoH. Because with HoH you can’t compete in the following week…..PoV you can.

      • As I recall too, Kalia and Porsche had a big “strategy” discussion about whether to go easy in this last HoH allowing Rachel (as was the likely outcome) to win the HoH which yes, takes her out of HoH competition next time. And, yes, they noted they need the veto and MUST not let Jochel win that if they have any hopes of a final 3.

        I truly dislike that Adam is still in the house. For as much as the vet’s, especially Rachel, has bitched about “floaters” riding along and not adding to the game, these two smug assholes kept him in the game yet another week! HYPOCRITES! If there was a vote for the biggest ass kisser in the game, Adam wins lips down! Hell, he might win for all time biggest ass kisser too!

        Ok sorry for the added rant. ;)

        K & P did plan on passing on this HoH, yes? Also, didn’t they expect the extreme physical challenge as well? Good planning. Now, just get the veto! LoL

  33. I think that you are great and if you read his post you read it for the comedy. If you don’t like it don’t read it.

    I love Jorden and Rachel, they bring out the best in one another.

  34. Ur review of the show is so hilarious,u should do it for the sunday show also!,makes this season better for sure!i didnt like u at first on ur season,then u grew on me,and was dusappointed wen u got evicted:),an i too will buy any book u write if u ever decide to,lol,again great review

  35. Was it just me or did Shelley look and sound like Lorraine off of MadTV last night. Not that I paid much attention to the show because I knew what was gonna happen but sitting in another room with headphones on I swear I thought MadTV was on.

    And if you don’t know who I’m talking about please go to youtube and watch a clip or two and see if they don’t sound the same.

  36. So, Adam is my newbie fav. Yes he is ultimate floater – but thats why I love him. Bringing him is a sure way for anyone to win $500K. Your thoughts?

  37. *****Anyone posting using the name “blackgirl” is a FAKE POSTER. I am done posting here this season because this coward is maliciously using my screen name to make dirty comments.******

    FAKE POSTER you WIN..GOOD BYE until next season.

    • @real Blackgirl…It sucks that people do that, but why not just post under another name? I know it’s not fair to you, but why let the jerks win?

      • It doesn’t matter what name you post under, if your stuff is worth reading we will read it. Stick around. You have had some noteworthy posts this season.

  38. How can the live eviction be Wednesday (which will leave final four) and Thursday be the beginning of the final three comps? Won’t that be the week after?

    • They have to be doing HOH, nom & veto all in one day before Thurs live airing. Then after the eviction on Thurs they start the final HOH

  39. Sadly Jordan is a floater too.. The final two should be Rachel & Calia if we want to go with game play.. People in the house will vote personal & that makes them poor game players.. Jordan has to leave for anyone to have a shot.

  40. Everyone has to realize the cast members are on contract to cbs. They are getting paid a salary for being on Big Brother. Of course there are addtional prize money and trips.

  41. WoW! This is the first time I have posted a comment on here, moreless read thru the comments on here. Again, WoW….. I’m in shock right now & truely, truely disgusted by some of the comments on here! We have the people who are putting Matt down for his “sick” sense of humor (which btw. I truely enjoy) nothing wrong with being a smartass! But, what is wrong is & are the people who are putting Matt down for recaping with his *own* personal point of view…… if you don’t agree with him, or you can’t just be a person who enjoys *all* different points of views, well then why in the heck do you waste you time coming on here & read Matt’s point of view?! I just don’t get it! Other then you already hate him from last season & can’t get over last season (insert get a life here)….. it’s simple, okay I get it, you can’t stand Matt….. so then don’t come on here & read what he has to say, just for the mere satisfaction of putting him on blast! And also, to the people who refere to a HG as a “c.u.n.t”, come on its a reality tv show (which btw. You & only you chose to watch), but come on, calling a houseguest by such a disgusting word is just plain disgusting! I for one love Matts insight, he atleast is forth right & hold nothing back, which is more respectfull the using the “C” word & hiding behind a computer! Just say’n…….. my point of view, just like Matt has his point of view. Atleast we all know *who* Matt is & he’s not hiding under a screen name!

  42. Aren’t you the dude that lied about his wife having a terminal disease so that everyone would feel sorry for you last year? Does anyone in the world actually care what a lowlife piece of crud like you thinks about anything? Seriously?

    I simply cannot believe someone pays someone with a moral code such as this.

    • @Luke, I can’t believe you are so shallow minded to still be bringing that up. Let it go!! As for Matt being a smartass, I have always gotten your humor. Don’t even think using an illness was such a terrible thing. Gameplay only. Love your blog & look forward to it.

    • Hey Mattie,

      The sick wife thing was just plain genius! That goes back to the the twistings of “Jonny Fairplay” on Survivor when he told that BS about his grandmother!!

      Smooth move! WTG!!! It worked well while in the house!

      • Nope. Immoral BS. Call it what it is. Hoffman is lower than gum under a desk for twelve years in the county library.

        While I get that it is a game, that was simply put, unethical. then he insults Kathy of all people, who cried her eyes out upon hearing that he was a lying lowlife. I am sorry, game or not, there are some things that you do not do. That was one, Mr Diabolical Super Genius. (aka Lowlife)

  43. WoW! Today is the first time I have posted comments on here, moreless read thru the comments on here. Again, WoW….. I’m in shock right now & truely, truely disgusted by some of the comments on here! We have the people who are putting Matt down for his “sick” sense of humor (which btw. I truely enjoy) nothing wrong with being a smartass! But, what is wrong is & are the people who are putting Matt down for recaping with his *own* personal point of view…… if you don’t agree with him, or you can’t just be a person who enjoys *all* different points of views, well then why in the heck do you waste you time coming on here & read Matt’s point of view?! I just don’t get it! Other then you already hate him from last season & can’t get over last season (insert get a life here)….. it’s simple, okay I get it, you can’t stand Matt….. so then don’t come on here & read what he has to say, just for the mere satisfaction of putting him on blast! And also, to the people who refere to a HG as a “c.u.n.t”, come on its a reality tv show (which btw. You & only you choose to watch), but come on, calling a houseguest by such a disgusting word is just plain disgusting! I for one love Matts insight, he atleast is forth right & hold nothing back, which is more respectfull the using the “C” word & hiding behind a computer! Just say’n…….. my point of view, just like Matt has his point of view. Atleast we all know *who* Matt is & he’s not hiding under a screen name!

  44. Jordan is a sweet and loyal girl.
    Rachel is a competitor.
    Porsche is proving herself (but she floats a bit). Kalia has some mental game skills.
    Adam is a very nice mega floater.
    My F2 Rachel and anyone.

  46. “The contestants must dive into the sticky donut glaze, crawl over Kathy from Season 12, grab a donut, and then head back through the glaze and over Kathy to put their donut on a stick.”

    I was totally thinking about Kathy with this challenge and with this past season. Whos the bigger floater, Adam or Kathy? I almost want to say Adam, but Kathy just sucked so much….

      • No. Adam has a social float! He doesn’t have game, he has Farah. Not Hampster, but Farah. Hampster said they appreciate the plug, but would rather he lay off the rest. :)

  47. Thank you Matt for a great review. I am SO HAPPY that you said that Dani was NOT backdoored. I am so tired of hearing Dani tell everyone that she was backdoored and people believing that she was. It funny that she thinks she is such a great player when she really isnt. Keep riding your daddy’s coattails.

    • For what it’s worth, Dani was back doored. After all the dealing and agreements made, Jeff came back and renigged on his deal with Daniele. She was told she was safe and Jeff broke the deal. The worst part was he made his play not based on anything but, personal reasons. So many just like the Vet Alliance claim the way to play is to skim off the float and the only ones who are deserving are those who get their hands dirty and manage wins and not get by on the total float.

      If they’d shut up and practice what they had preached, they’d be better off for it. Play the game and not the emotion. Play the emotion and become the target. When you’re not looking and least expect it, your emotions are getting the best of you and someone is voting you out!

  48. I can’t believe how many comments have been made about Kalia’s weight. Adam’s no super model either, but no one’s said anything about him. God bless America!

  49. Hey Matt, just a couple thoughts…

    Some of what I’m about to say refers to your last blog entry, some also relevant to today’s…

    First off, no, I’m not about to say ‘you sucked anyway’, I don’t believe you did. You were in fact the creator of the Brigade, Enzo just named it and then decided he’d take credit for all of it’s success. You were as entertaining a player as you are a blogger to read up on now.

    However, all the talk about entitlement, mostly directed towards Jeff (and as mentioned, more pointed out in past blogs than this one) seems a bit off to me. What about the sense of entitlement you show by often completely ripping (sometimes deservedly I’ll admit) these current houseguests? You were on the show once, just last season, but seem ‘entitled’ to blast them to no end. It’s humourous, sure, but it’s one thing to critique gameplay or even character, but another to flat out say ‘useless idiot’, or a variation of those words. Albeit it does make for entertainment and I’m sure that’s what most of it is about, considering I’ve also heard that you and Ragan willingly hang out with the not-so-bad-outside-of-the-house Rachel.

    Also, as you’ve pointed out the several, several flaws of this year’s newbie cast, can you honestly say if you were among them in the house that you wouldn’t feel some level of entitlement to better them in the game? You’re the self-proclaimed super-genius, and as a viewer I’ll say your gameplay was more interesting to watch than that of any newbie this season, and I know you would have a ‘psh’ mentality if any of them were on the verge of being a key factor in seeing you walk out the door, so it’s not far from the vets to feel this way if in fact any of them have.

  50. Matt, stick with the facts, what the heck kind of a review was this!! You’re opinions and wisecracks aren’t as clever and funny as you think they are. When you recount events as they happen, you are interesting. ‘Rachael is like Jeff but without disease??’ Was already repulsed a few times, but that made me stop reading your fantasy recap or whatever you’d call it, Genius!

  51. Hey, Matt. I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your weekly rundowns (runsdown?). They crack me up (love the “crawl over Kathy” line). I especially like your posts when the crudeness is toned down, such as in this one ;)

    Have you considered a free lance job somewhere when BB is not on? You’d do really well, and I’d read it, but, who am I?

    • I would read it too.. Do recaps of Jersey Shore and be as crude as you want! You have a great sense of humor.

      • Ah, but you forget that Matt would have to watch Jersey Shore in order to write a recap, thus sucking out his soul and leaving a lifeless shell of our favorite snarky writer.

  52. LOL….over Kathy from season 12

    LMAO….Kalia thru to the other side eating donuts…

    oops….I hate when I laugh so hard I drool and/or snort out my nose!!

    Very funny Super-genius!!

  53. Hey Matt, just a couple thoughts…

    Some of what I’m about to say refers to your last blog entry, some also relevant to today’s…

    First off, no, I’m not about to say ‘you sucked anyway’, I don’t believe you did. You were in fact the creator of the Brigade, Enzo just named it and then decided he’d take credit for all of it’s success. You were as entertaining a player as you are a blogger to read up on now.

    However, all the talk about entitlement, mostly directed towards Jeff (and as mentioned, more pointed out in past blogs than this one) seems a bit off to me. What about the sense of entitlement you show by often completely ripping (sometimes deservedly I’ll admit) these current houseguests? You were on the show once, just last season, but seem ‘entitled’ to blast them to no end. It’s humourous, sure, but it’s one thing to critique gameplay or even character, but another to flat out say ‘useless idiot’, or a variation of those words. Albeit it does make for entertainment and I’m sure that’s what most of it is about, considering I’ve also heard that you and Ragan willingly hang out with the not-so-bad-outside-of-the-house Rachel.

    Also, as you’ve pointed out the several, several flaws of this year’s newbie cast, can you honestly say if you were among them in the house that you wouldn’t feel some level of entitlement to better them in the game? You’re the self-proclaimed super-genius, and as a viewer I’ll say your gameplay was more interesting to watch than that of any newbie this season, and I know you would have a ‘psh’ mentality if any of them were on the verge of being a key factor in seeing you walk out the door, so it’s not far from the vets to feel this way if in fact any of them have.

  54. What do you think happened with Kalia’s goodbye message to Shelly? She actually voted to evict Adam, but in her goodbye message she apologized for voting to evict Shelly. A CBS mistake or a last-minute Kalia flip?

      • I know, but it was a message to Shelly (not Adam). I wonder if they taped 2 messages to Shelly from Kalia and aired the wrong one.

  55. Yeah, I caught that dumb “so early in the game” remark too(love you anyway Julie!) and was temporarily stunned.
    BigBro Prods clearly want the vets in the final, but alas, I don’t! I can clearly see the manipulations. Hopefully only newbies in final, then vets would be forced to vote for one of them.

  57. Love the recap like always, especially the subtle reference to kathy!

    I really do wish that they had not chosen to do this half-assed all-star season and just waited till next year to invite the “Duos” from past seasons. Brendon winning the votes to come back in, competitions tailored to the vets, the Duo twist to get both Rachel and Jordon off the block….I wouldn’t enen be suprised if the possibility of powers was hinted in the DR to Lawon (how else could he have made that weird connection?).

    The more interesting newbies (Cassie and Dominic) were gone way too early and the rest are worthless at competitions, stupid at strategy, or both.

    Well hopefully next season’s is a true all-star and hopefully see some better players return.

  60. Why did kalia vote to keep shelly after she so blatantly turned her back on her? What type of strategy was that? Do you think it was an accident?

  61. Oh Matt, you are amazing! Please don’t ever stop saying what we’re thinking, promise?

  62. Will somebody, anybody, please evict at Adam? Can’t someone just through a package of bacon out the front door of the BB House and then lock Adam out when he chases it? The strategy Adam has implemented throughout the whole game is simple: Exist and scream something inaudible in the diary room on occasion. Yes, Adam’s bacon shirts and lovable teddy bear shtick were nice for the first week, but Adam lost his charm a long time ago. *Sigh* Maybe Kalia will eat him and end my consternation…

  63. Ok so I think we should just tweet “clown shoe…” to Jeff for the next 3 months. I want to see him have a meltdown

  64. matt, good writing, but you cant judge the cast like that…just last year you wernt the greatest at the game (oviously…u diddnt win) and go rachel and jordon!!!!!

  65. Tweet clown shoe to Jeff all you want. Jeff is obviously delirious. That was the only shoe he had found, so for him to believe he would have won the POV is ludicrous. Jeff, egotistical, arrogant self-proclaimed “BIG JEFF”, you needed 2 shoes to win…you only had one and didn’t even know it!

  66. I don’t see the point of Matt Hoffman’s commentaries. Yes, he was on one season, however he did not do especially well, did not win hardly any challenges, lied about his wife having a serious disease (thereby making light of such a tragic situation and exploiting it for personal gain). I don’t understand the vitriolic comments Matt makes about Brendan unless they’re only for show and he doesn’t mean them?

    I have to admit, I do enjoy and agree with Matt’s comments about Lawton, Kalia, and Adam! They were/are probably among the WORSE of the BB players! At least last year when we had Enzo not winning anything, he was kind of entertaining without being so annoying like Adam and his pathological obsession with bacon!

  67. I think he is smart and should not be voted off the Big Brother show.Anyway he has no enemys.He is a good player.P.S.If your reading this you should stay.

  68. Ok I can agree the eating jokes about Kalia are gettin old, but Oh Lord is anyone else sick of hearing people here bash Matt? Hey everyone, the title of this blog is “Thoughts from former HG Matt Hoffman”…so if you don’t wanna hear his thoughts, get lost! Oooooh…good one, Matt didnt win so how can he judge the houseguests….oooooh…good one again..Matt didn’t win show how can he judge the houseguests. No, im not repeating myself…just what im reading! Ahh! I think Matt has balls of steel to talk like he does and I completely appreciate it…he’s trying to ENTERTAIN us and its working in my opinion. In fact, I appreciate it so much I wont even sue him when I get fired from my job for laughing out loud whenever I read his blog. :) Its hilarious!!! Keep up the great job Matt! Dont hold back!!! :):)

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