Matt Hoffman Returns To Break Down Big Brother 18 Cast

Corey Brooks

Corey is a baseball coach whose favorite activities include “taking bro pics” and who says he wants to be a good influence to the 13/14 year olds that make up his team…and what better way to cast yourself in the most positive light than to go on a show whose most newsworthy headlines in recent years were for racism, homophobia, and misogyny! As seems to be typical of his male interviews, Jeff (who definitely is not overcompensating for past homophobic criticisms) once again jumps right in by complimenting the good looks of the man he is interviewing.

Corey Brooks, 25, from Dallas, TX

Speaking of Jeff’s interviews, this is maybe the oddest one of them all. If you want to hear about Corey’s game strategy or his favorite past players or what he’ll do if he wins the half-million, you’ve come to the wrong place. But don’t go anywhere if you want to know how many days it takes Corey to grow tired of his favorite songs and if Corey can solve one of Jeff’s riddles about a carton of eggs.

Like a less-refined James Lipton of Inside the Actors Studio, Jeff has his own final question that he asks of each of the houseguests before they depart: “Would you rather win the game and be hated by America, or lose and be loved by America”. Corey, however, is the only contestant interviewed that said he’d rather lose and be loved. At first I thought, “awwww, what a good guy”…but then he went on to explain that it was because he thought he could make a lot more money once he got off the show. Ha! Sorry to burst your bubble, Corey, but that award-winning smile and gentlemanly charm isn’t going to get you any more money Periscoping to your social media fan base. You should’ve stuck with the “I’d rather be a rich a-hole” answer that everyone else gave.

Michelle Meyer

Michelle kind of won me over early on for two reasons…(1) She’s got live-feed watching super-fan status and (2) she snorts when she laughs. She describes herself as “quirky”, and whenever a girl does that it’s almost always a clear indicator that they are anything but. In this case, though, it may not be a far-off assessment. Here’s a direct transcription of probably my favorite segment of her interview… when Jeff asked her what her strategy would be, her response was:

Michelle Meyer, 23, from Washington Township, MI

“So, my strategy is actually, ya know, is this, is usually like super-fans are very, like, ummm, serious and not…ver,y like, awkward, I would say, and I’m not awkward, I don’t think”

Nope – not awkward at all, Michelle. Not one bit.

Paul Abrahamian

I know these write-ups of mine are full of fun and sarcasm here, but no joke (I went back and cross-referenced this), Paul is wearing more jewelry than all the rest of the interviewees combined. Let’s not get too hung up on that, though, because this is just one of a myriad of reasons to be irritated with him. Paul is the love-child of Adam Poch, Evel Dick, and every first-evicted houseguest ever.

Paul Abrahamian, 23, from Tarzana, CA

He plugs his clothing company in the first sentence that comes out of his mouth. He can’t spell the word “eyes” (which we learn from another one of Jeff’s Pulitzer Prize winning questions that have nothing to do with the game). And in case you still weren’t convinced that Paul will be joining the “First Boot Club”, he tells us that he doesn’t care if he wins or loses because he just wants to “cause chaos and have fun”. Oh, you’ll be having plenty of fun, Paul…along with the rest of us, watching the season play out on your TV at home.

And there you have it. Another crop of soon-to-be Z-listers on the road to tens of thousands of Twitter/Instagram followers who will forget about them 18 months from now, unless they’re called back by a Big Brother website to write articles poking fun at future soon-to-be Z-listers. As any super-fan knows, 12 houseguests don’t fill a season, so I would also expect to see some familiar faces returning to the mix as well.

Thanks once again to Big Brother Network for the opportunity to extend my relevancy and hear from the adoring fans how I don’t know anything. If I did somehow win you over with my witty, sarcastic musings, please take a minute to follow me on Twitter @HeadOfHOFFhold for more fun throughout the season!

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16 Comments

  1. Wow, Glenn the Donald Trump supporter is going to love being in there with all those rapist Latina’s. Could be the awkwardness of BB2’s gay bashing Kent and openly gay Bunky. Stay tuned all!

  2. Really Matt? Did you have to bring politics into it with your Trump remark? This is Big Brother the TV show competition, not Big Brother from Orwell’s 1984.

    Let’s leave politics out of it.

      • Don’t matter if it’s funny or not, don’t matter if it’s about Hillary or Trump. There’s no need for politics. All it does is piss off half the people.

      • Wait, I only pissed off HALF the people? Ugh!…I hate a half-finished job. I’ll do better next year. :-/

      • I thought it was funny as hell….so given the sample pool he only pissed off a third of the people.

        Someone mad enough to complain about a “misplaced” political joke has almost assuredly brought up politics when “there’s no need for politics.” #bb18….take off the pants suit, put on some big boy jeans and get over it!

      • Eh. With Trump, It’s only a quarter of the people, because half of Republicans (including me) hate Trump.

    • Probably a bit too HARD for him to do that! hahaha We can help him out here after the fact, can’t we?

  3. so matt thinks paul is the first one out? i actually think he has a good chance of sliding to jury unnoticed…

    my first boot choice is natalie

  4. I think Tiffany was messing with Jeff with the whole she is Vanessa’s sister thing.

  5. Zakiyah Everette will be the first one gone if she can’t separate working with 3 yr olds from having adult contact. Or she could start talking gibberish and keep them all guessing. That’s my guess! But my prediction is she may be the first eliminated…just saying. I used to run daycare and when I didn’t get enough adult contact, I started talking baby talk to my husband. That’s when he knew I needed to get out of the house more! LOLOL Hard to do that when you’re stuck inside the BB house! :-)

  6. Matt, I don’t agree with your assessment of Tiffany. She doesn’t have the conversation skills of a pineapple. She seemed very charismatic to me. I’ve watched that interview back to back for 30 minutes. I’m already loving Tiffany, but it probably is due to my love for Vanessa. I do want her to differentiate herself from Vanessa’s game play but if she doesn’t, you can’t really blame her since they are freakin’ related. I hope she does well.

  7. Matt is way too humble! I’d love to see him back on Big Brother in a second compared to this yawnfest of a cast…

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